Affliction

Fill and consume, flutter and fly,
Hold your breath for you know it’s a goodbye;
Live and love, cut and heal,
The heart doesn’t know what it feels;
Forget and forgive, thrash and thrive,
Fulfill these dreams now that I feel alive;
Chaos is my middle name and sometimes I freak out,
Pain gives me pleasure and scars are what it’s all about,
Ingrained in me is the pride and ego you loathe and self-doubt,
I am coming down like a sea storm in your days of drought.

Fuse and form, flow and feel,
Blend in the darkness for light is your deal;
Dos and don’ts, watch and listen,
Let the power of love in your eyes glisten;
Pray and plead, flip and turn,
Fairy tales and happy endings are not what I yearn;
Chaos is my middle name and sometimes I freak out,
Pain gives me pleasure and scars are what it’s all about,
Ingrained in me is the beauty which is never going to burn out,
I am coming down like a sea storm in your days of drought.

Burns and bruises, plays and charades,
My fading youth as the time tears me apart;
Foolish and brave, fumes and faith,
The flash of your memory reduced to a wraith;
Blues and whites, loss and gain,
The sky above my head is pouring blood in vain;
Chaos is my middle name and sometimes I freak out,
Pain gives me pleasure and scars are what it’s all about,
The thousands of kisses I stole from your mouth,
Beware for I shall come like a sea storm in your days of drought.

Damaged Beauty

He was terrified of loving her,
Not her flawless smooth skin,
Or her bright crimson eyes,
The silken texture of her luscious lips,
He was afraid of the storms inside her,
The disasters which made her a breathtaking mystery,
The irresistible and impossible work of art she was,
And if he was to shed all her skin down,
So he could try to peek inside her soul,
As though to admire the perfection he would see,
The light beyond the shadows of her physical appearance,
He feared to admit to himself,
That she was beautifully damaged,
But like the rest, he was scared to unravel,
The mysteries that were woven into the basis of her existence,
He was tempted to experience love in its best form,
Nonetheless he was afraid to tame the storms roaring inside of her,
He was scared to let go of his desires and transform,
His fear into a superpower to be able to see through her,
And hopelessly fall in love with her beautifully scarred heart.

damaged beauty


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Virus

So what did I do?
And what was that I knew?
Did you think I was a virus that only grew?
Or was it that my heart had nothing for you?
For what I did and what was done,
For what I knew and what was known,
For what I saw and what was seen,
For what I heard and what was to be heard,
Things turned upside down and the pain was new,
Love became my foe and I was a stranger to you,
Helpless soul and my blurred view,
Lousy memories and the haziness in my thoughts grew,
Fueled up brain but I couldn’t feed my heart,
Love abandoned me and it no more was my mastered art,
Fulfilled with this heart break, I never yearned for a new start,
Beauty in my existence faded and it was all about your poisoned dart,
You killed me with love and the pieces scattered everywhere,
You envied the texture of my smile and the glow in my eyes pierced you,
My insides were bruised and there was nothing I could do,
Following the light, I forgot that I was struggling with the dark all through,
So what did I do?
And what was that I knew?
Did you think I was a virus that only grew?
Or was it that my heart had nothing for you?

Self Deception

She was broken. Her brokenness wasn’t terminal but she assumed the damage to be fatal.  She believed that she had no choice and she confided in the only option available to her: breathing. She gave up on her dreams and began fighting this brutal world for the mere sake of survival. Every day was a struggle and eventually she didn’t care if she won or lost. She was trying her best to figure a way to survive but she didn’t bother living her precious dreams. She didn’t blame anybody but herself because it was her choices that led her to live a life which was apparently just a lie.

There was not much left to her existence. She was a moving pile of bones obliged to put up a show for the world to ensure the spectators that she was not odd – that she was one of them. This was another of her many choices: to shake hands with her demise. It didn’t take her long to skilfully master the art of faking (i.e. living a lie) which was an essential requirement to be accepted in her new world. Her mind was constantly occupied with what people thought of her and she moulded herself into an object of desire. Not too long after, she became oblivious to the distinction between the truth (real) and a lie (fake) and her plan ‘to fool the world and survive’ backfired. She was caught fooling herself.

There was no hope left anymore. Although she was breathing but she had given up on life long time ago. Precisely when did she give up? She didn’t give up when she felt broken but she gave up when she fell victim to the trap of this world. Firstly, when she succumbed to the appalling torture of allowing herself to be judged and secondly when she lived to feed off the need for approval. She was not meant to live a life by merely blindly following the rules written in the book but instead she chose to not use the higher powers of her mind and spirit to evaluate and challenge those rules to better herself and the world.

While she could have been the change, she chose to refuse herself the opportunity of healing this world. She chose to refuse herself the right to dream and live for herself. She chose to give in to social pressure. However, she is not alone. There are many out there like her and these souls don’t even realize when they have stopped living for themselves for they fail to see the strength of their vision and the power in their action.

SD


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Superman

He lay there,
With his arms wrapped around her,
Breathing in the scent of her soul,
Calming the raging storms that shook her insides,
Which was sometimes beyond his control,
The disappointments and the regrets,
That had taken their toll over her,
He hushed them one after the other,
While he squeezed her in his arms,
As though to drain out her aching sorrow,
She was scared of failure,
But there was nothing to fear,
When he was there by her side,
Trying his best to absorb all her pain and tears,
Which she couldn’t run away from or hide,
Whether it was a dream or reality,
He was her peace, madness and sanity,
And she knew he would be the one,
To put together the missing pieces of her life,
So as to heal her brokenness and fill the voids,
Whether it was a dream or reality,
She would never stop being his kryptonite,
And he would do all that he could,
To rescue her with or without a plan,
Because he was her Superman,
One who might not know how to fly,
But could put her to sleep every night,
Ensuring her that tomorrow would be alright,
Even after all the years that passed them by,
He never stopped being the Superman he was,
She never stopped being his kryptonite,
And that was how they survived,
Travelling beyond the speed of light,
To defeat the darkness around them.

Untamable

When you are emotionally exhausted,
When you have nowhere to go,
When you feel let down,
When you feel life is passing you by,
When you think the world is against you,
When you feel like you can’t go on,
Take a step back and turn around,
I will be standing there to hold your hand,
When you are at your lowest point,
I will embrace your flaws and let you be,
Tears will be an unknown mystery for your eyes,
Pain will eventually subside,
Estoy y siempre estaré aquí para ti,
You can always count on me,
But some day if you ever decide to feel my love,
Feel it in the air you breathe,
Let its magic fill your soul with hopes and dreams,
And if you ever decide to keep my love,
Keep it alive forever within your core,
Let it be your addiction to always come back for more,
And if you ever decide to choose my love,
Choose it only if it can be your home,
Let it be your safe haven to escape this world,
For this time if and when we do this,
We do this right from the start,
But this time I’ve got to see us through before we fall apart,
This time I’ve got to tame the beat of your untamable heart.

The Power of Now

There was a lot he could do,
With the time on his hands,
The clock was ticking away,
This life was passing him by,
Day after day and he never asked why,
He sinned every day hoping to be forgotten,
He sinned every day hoping to be forgiven,
He bullied the black girl in the class,
So he could have a good laugh,
He always looked down upon his fellows,
As if they were weak and inferior,
While he thought of himself as invincible and superior,
The allure of power, wealth and reputation enticed him,
So he lied, bribed, cheated and promoted,
The game of corruption he loved playing,
He had been lead to believe,
That the reality of the world was superficial,
No more did he desire the true happiness,
No more did he appreciate the beauty of truth,
Busy accomplishing the life in his hands,
He forgot to understand that death was inevitable,
Peace was nowhere to be found in his heart and soul,
He lost his way to home,
So he spent his life chasing after the desires of the flesh,
He forgot that his spirit also needed to be fed,
The time slipped away,
Each tomorrow was just another passing day,
He managed to accumulate everything to be supposedly wealthy,
But how come he never felt bliss,
“Because you fail to see the power of truth, peace, light and love”,
His inner voice revealed the reason,
He mocked and laughed at its foolishness,
And took pride in his choices,
After few years, when Death stood before him,
It asked him what had he done to better this world,
His mind didn’t know any answers,
So his inner voice spoke yet again,
“He failed to see the power of truth, peace, light and love”,
The riches that have been accumulated over the years,
They couldn’t accompany him in the other world,
And that is when he realized,
He wasted his lifetime chasing after the glitches of this life,
But nothing could be done no more,
He drifted too far from the shore,
And now time has closed its doors.

TA..TA Exams (See You Next Year)

I didn't arrange them for the picture -- I am actually that organized *Patting-on-my-back*

I didn’t arrange them for the picture — I am actually that organized *Patting-on-my-shoulder*

Phew! Exams are over and so am I done living a nightmare. There are loads and bulks of things I have cramped in my head for the past month from provisions of legislation to the annoying case-law and trust me when I say I don’t remember slightest bit of anything and yes, I claim that shamelessly. This educational system is flawed (at least in my opinion): what is the point of memorizing when in reality; I would have books to assist me for relevant case-law and legislation in a law-firm. Okay, I am done complaining for now.

I can’t imagine that I am almost done with my higher education. It seems like just yesterday when I came to this foreign land for pursuing my dreams and here I am, this place have been my home for three straight years. This means I am ageing – oh well, how I wish I could go back to being a carefree child but anyway, I will let time work its magic on me.

And sometimes all you need are calories to cheer you up!

And sometimes all you need are calories to cheer up.

My last exam was on Saturday (May 30, 2015) and I celebrated my freedom with a choco-nilla delight because I was allowed as many calories as I wanted that day. I have been waiting for these exams to end for an eternity and now that they are over, I am too exhausted to do anything. I think sleeping counts as a chore too so I have been catching up on that for the last two days.

I know I have been missing out on reading all the good stuff by you lovely people but I am back in action so I will be getting back to reading and responding to every one of you real soon.

This post is a shout out to all the brave souls who have survived the exams hurricane. All the very best for the results and Happy Holidays!!

Sleep deprived nights have me looking like this.

Sleep deprived nights have me looking like a disaster. Law-school for sure can give you a serious makeover.


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Don’t Stop Believing

When you think the whole world has turned against you,
Take a step back and don’t stop believing,
Let them say what they think is true,
Imagine the unimaginable and don’t stop breathing,
For there are mysteries waiting to be unravelled,
Make the impossible possible and don’t stop dreaming,
Life will knock you down every now and then,
It is okay to make mistakes,
Failure is the only way to ensure,
That you learn and succeed,
So that indescribable feeling you feel,
When madness embraces you,
To breathe magic into emptiness,
With which you can conquer anything,
Walking on the path towards your destination,
And every time you stumble and fall,
You know you can rise like a phoenix from the ashes,
‘Cause that is how it is supposed to be,
So when you think the whole world has turned against you,
Take a step back and don’t stop believing,
Believe in the miracles and believe in yourself,
Believe that your dreams are worth living,
So while you stand at the edge of the earth waiting to jump,
Your dreams somehow keep you from falling,
Now that you have lived the dark and experienced the light,
Don’t give it all up because you’re tired of trying,
Remember, it’s always worth a try,
Remember, you don’t need wings to fly.

Dont stop believing


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Diary of Nobody -XIII-

I haven’t written in a long while but that doesn’t mean you didn’t cross my mind. You did – every single day but I managed to not rant about the pain of being in love with somebody who abandoned me because I have visitors at the moment: oh yeah, you guessed it right! It’s my Mid-Summer Exams!

Not too long ago (if my memory serves me right: May 2014), you waited on me outside the examination hall while I wrote the exam. After the clock had counted down for three hours straight, I tried to barge my way through the crowd so I didn’t have to breathe in the smell of sweat and ink anymore. I managed to squeeze through all the cracks between people after grabbing my bag and revision notes and there you were: standing outside the Charles Wilson with a warm smile and a bottle of water. Without sparing you a chance to speak, I hopped and jumped in excitement giving you a detailed account of the three hours in the examination hall. You watched me fondly and held onto my finger as if I was a kid who would get lost in the crowd. Now that I think back to that moment, I think you were not afraid of losing me in the crowd but instead you wondered about the time when you’d disappear in the same crowd leaving me deserted.

Yesterday, I didn’t want to leave the examination hall because I knew you wouldn’t be there. Although my heart hoped for a miracle but my brain kept it on a leash so I wouldn’t expect miracles. Regardless, my eyes wandered and danced in the hope of merely your sight after I had left the building. Disappointment embraced me and I began walking back to the place which was once our home.


Today, I went through all our pictures from when we first met to when we had bid each other farewell (I am not going to babble about how cute we were together). The shimmer in your eyes and the dimple sinking deep in your chin: I was watching you on the laptop screen and you cast a spell on me all over again. With the moments we had clicked, we had sealed the time within that moment and the memories came rushing back as I moved from one photograph to the other.

After spending three hours watching us together in the photographs and video-clips, nostalgia hit me hard in the gut and left me torn apart (just a little bit). You were very fond of capturing me when I wasn’t aware that you had been clicking me or when I wasn’t posing my usual poses because you were an admirer of natural beauty. Once you said:

“You are naturally beautiful. I must have been the luckiest person on this planet to feel the beauty within you and witness it radiating on your face. I am blessed to wake up to the person who makes my life beautiful every morning. You are allowed to blush without looking away [chuckles].”

So I dressed up all pretty in your favorite emerald green lace dress and clicked away the moment. I sealed my sadness in the photographs while I smiled and cheered (without posing may be) for being fortunate enough to know somebody I could cherish for a lifetime.

IMG_4960-0


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