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Diary of Nobody -IV-

I have been dead busy for the past few days but there has not been a single day when you haven’t crossed my mind. I have had tutorials for every day of the past week which means a lot of reading for a law student like me. However, you distracted me a lot (I think it needs to be re-phrased)—our memories distracted me a lot. Our pictures together were even worse of a distraction. Every single time, I fell for the trap and ended up watching us in the ‘photo gallery’ of my phone. I know I should delete them already but I am not going to (not ever). I think it’s pretty clear that I am drunk on you and I rather have it that way – I don’t want to move on (oh yes, I said it!). We were so happy that it’s difficult to believe that it’s all over now. Are you ever coming back? (I’m waiting, okay babe?)

Can I tell you something? I really love you a lot – I have grown into loving you so very much that I don’t know how to not feel it anymore. I don’t know how to go back and just put a ‘full-stop’ to my feelings that I have been feeling for the past four years. It can’t be done over-night so it might be easy for you to tell me to ‘Get Over It’ but it is an absolute nightmare for me in reality. Do you even know how much it takes to get used to the idea of not having somebody you love around once you’ve already had the taste of their enchanting presence? Do you know how hollow I feel every morning when there is nobody to tease me and tell me that I am not a morning person? Do you realize that I am battling with myself every single day because I expect you to return? (Denial, yes it is! What else do you expect of me after an unexpected break-up?)

I can spare you my life; I know it’s a risk but a risk worth-taking – for our happiness. Let me be selfish for a split second: I will risk anything to achieve my happiness which belongs with you. Now that I have already been selfish, let me also be brutally honest for a split second: I experienced happiness in an unusual but possibly the best way when I was capable of living my life with you. You are great and exquisite but there is something about great things: they never come easy. May be, that’s why I have to keep ‘Trying’.

Trying to love you less,
Trying to fight this stress,
Trying to not miss your caress,
But I am high on the thought of you,
I try but my pain only knows to grow,
I shall trust time like I trusted you,
To be rewarded with broken promises,
And the dreams that would never come true.

I can try to love you less but there are no guarantees that I will succeed. Don’t blame me if I disappoint you — I apologize in advance for any inconvenience this may cause you.

I want you. Since you have left, the heartache has embraced me very willingly. Despite of the pain I have experienced after my so-called emotional meltdown, my heart still longs for you. May be it’s crazy and stupid and wild but I can’t help it if it wants you. My heart is strong enough to compromise with sorrow and grief at the moment but it’s not in the position to let go of my happiness residing in you.

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About globalunison

Writing is my passion and that is what I do here on this blog. I write about everything, whether it be Nature, Love, Hate, Relationships, Humans, Personal Life (where I discuss lessons learnt through real-life experiences), Food, Philosophy (sometimes) and much more. I write in any form whether it be Prose or Poetry. I am in search of ‘Myself’, hence there is not much I can tell you about me. Perhaps, I have a very brilliant idea. Why don’t you come along with me on my journey? I will always care to share and you can also enjoy the ride. For now, this is it. I am ‘ME’ – a wanderer in search of a fulfilling life. Until next time, Love Living Life! I express my sincere gratitude to all my Readers! -Naima

8 responses to “Diary of Nobody -IV-

  1. barrira

    Makes perfect sense. Somethings can take forever to get over and for some, no lifetime is enough for getting over ❤

  2. I certainly get all of that Naima. The only thing I’ve had to carry is just the mental stuff. I don’t carry any pics of long ago situations. I only have the pics of a wanna have in my reality. But when one has been brokenhearted, one has to carry a lot of them around just to feel not so alone. That’s how it works with me. Until I get my dream of being with only one, I have no other option but to carry an assorted number of them. whether it be google plus, twitter, wordpress, or linkedin.

    • I know what you mean; pictures are the moments that comes back to you like flashes of memories and it breaks your heart every single time you see them because you know you might never be able to relive that moment ever again when you’d give everything to live it all over again.
      Thank you for sharing your opinion and for reading, Don. Good to see you around more often 🙂

      Kind Regards,
      -Naima

  3. Naima it was beautiful! I am glad I paused by! you wrote with so much depth! *applause*

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