I haven’t written in a long while but that doesn’t mean you didn’t cross my mind. You did – every single day but I managed to not rant about the pain of being in love with somebody who abandoned me because I have visitors at the moment: oh yeah, you guessed it right! It’s my Mid-Summer Exams!
Not too long ago (if my memory serves me right: May 2014), you waited on me outside the examination hall while I wrote the exam. After the clock had counted down for three hours straight, I tried to barge my way through the crowd so I didn’t have to breathe in the smell of sweat and ink anymore. I managed to squeeze through all the cracks between people after grabbing my bag and revision notes and there you were: standing outside the Charles Wilson with a warm smile and a bottle of water. Without sparing you a chance to speak, I hopped and jumped in excitement giving you a detailed account of the three hours in the examination hall. You watched me fondly and held onto my finger as if I was a kid who would get lost in the crowd. Now that I think back to that moment, I think you were not afraid of losing me in the crowd but instead you wondered about the time when you’d disappear in the same crowd leaving me deserted.
Yesterday, I didn’t want to leave the examination hall because I knew you wouldn’t be there. Although my heart hoped for a miracle but my brain kept it on a leash so I wouldn’t expect miracles. Regardless, my eyes wandered and danced in the hope of merely your sight after I had left the building. Disappointment embraced me and I began walking back to the place which was once our home.
Today, I went through all our pictures from when we first met to when we had bid each other farewell (I am not going to babble about how cute we were together). The shimmer in your eyes and the dimple sinking deep in your chin: I was watching you on the laptop screen and you cast a spell on me all over again. With the moments we had clicked, we had sealed the time within that moment and the memories came rushing back as I moved from one photograph to the other.
After spending three hours watching us together in the photographs and video-clips, nostalgia hit me hard in the gut and left me torn apart (just a little bit). You were very fond of capturing me when I wasn’t aware that you had been clicking me or when I wasn’t posing my usual poses because you were an admirer of natural beauty. Once you said:
“You are naturally beautiful. I must have been the luckiest person on this planet to feel the beauty within you and witness it radiating on your face. I am blessed to wake up to the person who makes my life beautiful every morning. You are allowed to blush without looking away [chuckles].”
So I dressed up all pretty in your favorite emerald green lace dress and clicked away the moment. I sealed my sadness in the photographs while I smiled and cheered (without posing may be) for being fortunate enough to know somebody I could cherish for a lifetime.
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