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A Blast From The Past (The Taste of Unwanted Emotions)

“You are not perfect but you are what I want.”
I was told by the extra beings and the babbling mouths that not everything which is desired by the heart will become your destiny. I very politely had always begged to differ. Everything that I had ever wanted, I could achieve it be that due to my ‘go get it, girl’ attitude or the audacity (or foolishness as some would like to call it) to take everything that had been thrown my way as a challenge. Hence, I wind down the road with my hands in the air and the flaring fighting spirit planting green flags at various check-posts of my life but here I am now, clueless of the red flag in my hand. I must jab it straight through my heart and this time around, I am scared to death of the nerve-racking trail of reality that may follow. I am a pro at fixating minds and getting what I want but how do I turn a heart around? I can fool the brain but the domain of heart has never belonged to the box of my skill-set. I had always kept a safe distance from emotions and dramas involving the heart but I had no idea I would fall straight on my face with you, putting my heart at stake and my brain on standstill mode. I am a survivor to the bone but you have me doubt my survival instincts.

“You can’t stay, babe but neither can you leave. I wouldn’t be the same man without you.”
It is so convenient for you to bring me to a crossroad and make decisions for us in your favour. Have you ever thought how it feels like to un-want a soul that you had wanted since an eternity? Perhaps, highly unlikely. You have been playing the accusing and blaming game and I have been trying my best to cope with your tantrums but I am as helpless as you are. The other day you bawled your eyes out in my passenger seat and it killed me to watch those tears escape your eyes. However, have you ever thought that I was there to wipe them off your cheeks but who will do that for me when my heart will admit to its loss? How can someone who had come so far with you and believes to have fit you so perfectly, even better than your favourite sweater, would so ridiculously like to push his dream away? How can you not see what I see? The never-ending thunderstorms before the short-lived rainbows. How can you not feel what I feel? That our souls may have found their eternal homes in each other but they don’t belong together. How can you pretend to be ignorant to the hurricane of my emotions? How can you turn a blind eye to the heartache which will leave its trails permanently in the territory of my heart? Why do you ensure that everything is always about you? Perhaps, we would have been too perfect together; our flaws would have blended together only to strengthen our failings to the best of their capacity and we would have given birth to mere perfection. Therefore, pity us, perfection doesn’t exist in this world and so can’t we, babe.

“How did you get so lucky with me – what would you do without me?”
Things have never been simple between us. It was never a straight line or a black and white sheet for us. We accommodated the shades of grey and I am not the person to be acquainted with grey and put my sense of self in jeopardy. However, black and white or grey, the bond we shared was inexplicable and unfathomable in all its glory. It made me curious at times, the mystery behind it all, but then I wondered, nothing about us was clichéd anyway and this in turn, stripped my ego and rebellion bit by bit, ensuring that I made exceptions for you without you even asking for them. I found my soulmate in you and as much as I wanted to deny it for the longest period, deep down I had always believed it. I’d fall and you’d be there to catch me. We had our highs and lows, quarrels and passion, good and bad days, hatred and love, challenges and opportunities and essentially, it was us against the world: being an army of two. One will complete the spaces left by the other and not utter a word like it all came so organically to us. It didn’t take an ounce of effort to withhold the magic. However, now you want to deny us the magic of our might when all along I had believed you to be the kind of magic which had invigorated me to dream beyond infinite possibilities. You want to be a variable to my algebraic equation of life when all this time you had been a constant. This is your battle and as much as I want to hold you down, I can not. As tempting as it may seem to impose myself on you, I ought to allow you the space to set yourself free and tame the imprudence of your wild spirit. Perhaps, you must contribute to your own doom and I should patiently and heart-wrenchingly watch you do it because what I see now, you will only see it a lifetime later. Nevertheless, I know that in time you will see that we were all we ever needed.

“You are a bloody coward. I have never come this close to considering the institution of forever working for me nor have I considered my lifespan being laid out with a man without dreading it.”
Forever is, perhaps, a concept of idealism. If we are not in ourselves ideal for each other, how can an ideal concept in its entirety work for us? Life is brutal and desperate but you haven’t felt any despair, misery and melancholy to such an extent so as to know the savagery and atrocities that this world is capable of inducing on mankind every day. This is merely a matter of heart, babe; people suffer for something as basic as a human right to life. My life has revolved around you as much as yours have revolved around me. If you came close to considering your forever with me after a forever itself, then it will take you another forever to realize that you don’t spend a forever compromising on something that had been ingrained in you or something that defines your individuality. I can’t sacrifice the man I am for the heart that beats in my chest and I most definitely cannot in my right mind ever allow myself to let you be smothered for the heart that beats in my chest. There is a very thin line between courage and foolishness; one can easily be mistaken for the other. My sanity will curb your insanity. My rationality will serve to your irrationality. My balance will counteract your imbalance. My normalcy will protect your rebellion. What is coward for you is my attempt to save you.

“If I were you, I would never let me go.”
I am a difficult person but not a bad person. I am stubborn but not manipulative; egotistic but not selfish. I may be complex but not twisted; may be cold-blooded but not ruthless; may be bold but not reckless. I am not everything good but I am certainly not everything bad. Since, there is no way I can have your name written in the will of my destiny, I will live with it seared on my heart.

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About globalunison

Writing is my passion and that is what I do here on this blog. I write about everything, whether it be Nature, Love, Hate, Relationships, Humans, Personal Life (where I discuss lessons learnt through real-life experiences), Food, Philosophy (sometimes) and much more. I write in any form whether it be Prose or Poetry. I am in search of ‘Myself’, hence there is not much I can tell you about me. Perhaps, I have a very brilliant idea. Why don’t you come along with me on my journey? I will always care to share and you can also enjoy the ride. For now, this is it. I am ‘ME’ – a wanderer in search of a fulfilling life. Until next time, Love Living Life! I express my sincere gratitude to all my Readers! -Naima

11 responses to “A Blast From The Past (The Taste of Unwanted Emotions)

  1. Hi dear. So good to see you back here. I read it completely and I must say I agree to most if your points.and yeah be the same go getter kinda girl.

    • Thank you Sup for always reading and for always sticking around to look out for my posts whether I post regularly or after a year. It’s always encouraging to know that people will like to read even when you have been least active on such a social platform. Hence, thank you very much.

      Oh yes, never letting go of ‘go-get-it’ attitude, although I get criticized for it a lot since I am told that I am prone to making everything a challenge and then be over-ambitious about achieving it. This is mostly considered a negative trait (lol). However, I know for a fact that I strive on challenge and that is the only way I will live to the content of my heart and climb up the ladder of success. This is what rocks my boat so I really can’t let it go, perhaps even if I want to (lol).

      I hope you are well, what’s up at your end? All well?

      Kind Regards,
      -Naima

      • I have always seen a soft side of niama. Now this ambitious attitude will take you more higher. I’m always around my dear friend. Take care .keep sharing

      • Thank you so much! You take care as well and have a great week ahead!

        Much love,
        -Naima

      • What is more honorable for a writer or a blogger when they are told that their work was missed. Thank you very much for all your kindness, Sup. It’s overwhelming how these social platforms not only connect us but it’s fascinating to be able to count on your virtual family – a whole new world you have created for yourself on the internet.
        Thank you once again, I greatly appreciate that you take your time out to not only read my posts but make an effort to communicate your thoughts too. I am very humbled.

        Blessings,
        -Naima

      • naima .. i have always valued relationships, friendships.. if my words makes others feel valued thats an achievement for me . you are not just amazing writer. you are a wonderful person i can count on 🙂

      • An amazing writer is too big of a compliment for a scribbler like me. Wonderful person, I try my best. But we are humans at the end of the day, flaw is our middle name.

        Thank you once again, Sup! Have a great day ahead.

        -Naima

      • “flaw is our middle name” wonderful line … naima ..you are really really amazing .. im happy to be your friend 🙂 great day.. ahead

  2. Dakshi

    I am so glad to be around. Do you have instagram or email where I can contact you?

    • For sure, I do have Instagram with the name ‘unapologetically.myself’ and email is ‘naima.arif13@yahoo.com’.

      Ping me wherever you feel comfortable to and once again, I am over-the-moon happy for you!

      Much love and blessings,
      -Naima

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