A Blast From The Past (The Taste of Unwanted Emotions)

“You are not perfect but you are what I want.”
I was told by the extra beings and the babbling mouths that not everything which is desired by the heart will become your destiny. I very politely had always begged to differ. Everything that I had ever wanted, I could achieve it be that due to my ‘go get it, girl’ attitude or the audacity (or foolishness as some would like to call it) to take everything that had been thrown my way as a challenge. Hence, I wind down the road with my hands in the air and the flaring fighting spirit planting green flags at various check-posts of my life but here I am now, clueless of the red flag in my hand. I must jab it straight through my heart and this time around, I am scared to death of the nerve-racking trail of reality that may follow. I am a pro at fixating minds and getting what I want but how do I turn a heart around? I can fool the brain but the domain of heart has never belonged to the box of my skill-set. I had always kept a safe distance from emotions and dramas involving the heart but I had no idea I would fall straight on my face with you, putting my heart at stake and my brain on standstill mode. I am a survivor to the bone but you have me doubt my survival instincts.

“You can’t stay, babe but neither can you leave. I wouldn’t be the same man without you.”
It is so convenient for you to bring me to a crossroad and make decisions for us in your favour. Have you ever thought how it feels like to un-want a soul that you had wanted since an eternity? Perhaps, highly unlikely. You have been playing the accusing and blaming game and I have been trying my best to cope with your tantrums but I am as helpless as you are. The other day you bawled your eyes out in my passenger seat and it killed me to watch those tears escape your eyes. However, have you ever thought that I was there to wipe them off your cheeks but who will do that for me when my heart will admit to its loss? How can someone who had come so far with you and believes to have fit you so perfectly, even better than your favourite sweater, would so ridiculously like to push his dream away? How can you not see what I see? The never-ending thunderstorms before the short-lived rainbows. How can you not feel what I feel? That our souls may have found their eternal homes in each other but they don’t belong together. How can you pretend to be ignorant to the hurricane of my emotions? How can you turn a blind eye to the heartache which will leave its trails permanently in the territory of my heart? Why do you ensure that everything is always about you? Perhaps, we would have been too perfect together; our flaws would have blended together only to strengthen our failings to the best of their capacity and we would have given birth to mere perfection. Therefore, pity us, perfection doesn’t exist in this world and so can’t we, babe.

“How did you get so lucky with me – what would you do without me?”
Things have never been simple between us. It was never a straight line or a black and white sheet for us. We accommodated the shades of grey and I am not the person to be acquainted with grey and put my sense of self in jeopardy. However, black and white or grey, the bond we shared was inexplicable and unfathomable in all its glory. It made me curious at times, the mystery behind it all, but then I wondered, nothing about us was clichéd anyway and this in turn, stripped my ego and rebellion bit by bit, ensuring that I made exceptions for you without you even asking for them. I found my soulmate in you and as much as I wanted to deny it for the longest period, deep down I had always believed it. I’d fall and you’d be there to catch me. We had our highs and lows, quarrels and passion, good and bad days, hatred and love, challenges and opportunities and essentially, it was us against the world: being an army of two. One will complete the spaces left by the other and not utter a word like it all came so organically to us. It didn’t take an ounce of effort to withhold the magic. However, now you want to deny us the magic of our might when all along I had believed you to be the kind of magic which had invigorated me to dream beyond infinite possibilities. You want to be a variable to my algebraic equation of life when all this time you had been a constant. This is your battle and as much as I want to hold you down, I can not. As tempting as it may seem to impose myself on you, I ought to allow you the space to set yourself free and tame the imprudence of your wild spirit. Perhaps, you must contribute to your own doom and I should patiently and heart-wrenchingly watch you do it because what I see now, you will only see it a lifetime later. Nevertheless, I know that in time you will see that we were all we ever needed.

“You are a bloody coward. I have never come this close to considering the institution of forever working for me nor have I considered my lifespan being laid out with a man without dreading it.”
Forever is, perhaps, a concept of idealism. If we are not in ourselves ideal for each other, how can an ideal concept in its entirety work for us? Life is brutal and desperate but you haven’t felt any despair, misery and melancholy to such an extent so as to know the savagery and atrocities that this world is capable of inducing on mankind every day. This is merely a matter of heart, babe; people suffer for something as basic as a human right to life. My life has revolved around you as much as yours have revolved around me. If you came close to considering your forever with me after a forever itself, then it will take you another forever to realize that you don’t spend a forever compromising on something that had been ingrained in you or something that defines your individuality. I can’t sacrifice the man I am for the heart that beats in my chest and I most definitely cannot in my right mind ever allow myself to let you be smothered for the heart that beats in my chest. There is a very thin line between courage and foolishness; one can easily be mistaken for the other. My sanity will curb your insanity. My rationality will serve to your irrationality. My balance will counteract your imbalance. My normalcy will protect your rebellion. What is coward for you is my attempt to save you.

“If I were you, I would never let me go.”
I am a difficult person but not a bad person. I am stubborn but not manipulative; egotistic but not selfish. I may be complex but not twisted; may be cold-blooded but not ruthless; may be bold but not reckless. I am not everything good but I am certainly not everything bad. Since, there is no way I can have your name written in the will of my destiny, I will live with it seared on my heart.

img_0481


Image Source: All Rights Reserved With: https://www.globalunison.wordpress.com

Advertisements

All of you

Your love inspires me to paint all the different shades of my life on the canvas of your heart. I build the castles of my dreams in your arms. I carve my eternity within your existence. I see rainbows shining in your enchanting eyes. I taste hope when I kiss the rhythm off your musical lips. I feed on your laughter to see the dark night transform itself into bright morning light. I savor the passion with which you embrace me in your eloquent poetry. I breathe in your love to experience myself growing inside you. I gather that with your presence in my life, there will be no endings: either second chances or brand new beginnings. You and I are not the work of destiny; we are the power of choice.

I choose to consume you – all of me consuming all of you.

Free Falling

You continue to drag me down,
This path of deceit and lies,
You continue to hold me down,
Dominating my thoughts with your shuttered eyes,
You continue to hurt me,
Compelling me to live in the glory of our past,
You continue to surprise me,
The audacity to say ‘I love you’ when you couldn’t make it last,
So I’m free falling,
We can create our own destiny,
We can have a life in the garden of our dreams
You and I can be the perfect team,
So just take a chance,
Free fall along with me,
Breathe in the freedom of a fearless glance,
An escape to our paradise for an eternal romance.

Filling In The Spaces -II-

N: How could I love you so much?
A: May be, our love is your ‘destiny’.
N: Do you believe in destiny?
A: Yes, I do.
N: What’s destiny?
A: Destiny describes your destination; however the path you choose (good or bad) to reach that destination is your power of ‘CHOICE’ — in this world, humans call it ‘Freedom of Choice’. Hence, we have to stop blaming destiny for everything because we always have the upper hand.
N: So, love is our destination; however the path we choose to reach the finish line is our choice, then apparently can the chosen path somehow affect the final decision (our destination – our love)?
A: I think, yes and no, but if the final decision (final destination) can be squashed then the concept of ‘Destiny’ will be as well (at least my definition of ‘destiny’).

Dropped Kisses

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/b3f/37574041/files/2014/12/img_2255.jpg

Under your boot die the dropped kisses,
A swing of your mood, and the bearer lips you bruise,
Black and blue, you make holes inside the world,
Meth & Jack Daniels, innocent dreams you ruin,

I wish you love,
I wish you heartbreak tonight,
A new morning when sky will break,
Your guns won’t mend the wreck inside,

Lacerate and connect the dots of destiny,
Gagged you, shatter the magic in love for me,
Initiate, reciprocate, poke and nudge endlessly,
Angel’s innocence you betray, their desire you hate,
but I…

I wish you love,
I wish you heartbreak tonight,
A morning when you’ll bleed and quake,
Your guns won’t mend the wreck inside,

Trust me I tried,

Beauty in those soulless eyes,
Touch of a pale cold skin,
Flare of your pretentious love,
Bluff, and you’ll see the cracks within,

I wish you lo..

Enough,
Enough,
Enough,

I can’t wish you anymore love,
And I can’t wish you any heartbreak,
One new morning when I’ll wake to the missing ache,
Your guns wouldn’t be able to wreck what had been at stake.

– This is a duet with a very talented writer, Neeraj Kumar. Don’t hesitate to check out his blog; you wouldn’t be disappointed.


Photo Source: https://www.google.com/images

The Power of Choice or Fear : You CHOOSE!

choices

It’s not easy to give up on one’s thoughts. Especially if something is haunting you and coming back to you in forms of dreams, daunting thoughts and much more. There comes a time in everybody’s life that they require to acquire the standards to stand steadfast in the face of life telling it to “piss off“;  cause no matter how much it scares them, not thinking about it leave about even deadly scars beneath their skin. Life and love goes parallel to each other. Most of the times, the junctions for both of the journeys might be the same yet one decision can lead to drastic changes in the course of journey you’ve been planning ahead since a long time. My life is no different. It brought me up on a platform, where I had to choose. Choice is a crucial word – it’s a war. It either destroys or builds up the future in one second – as easy as blinking yet consequences come with a great price. That makes me go back to think why Robert Frost chose the path ‘less travelled by’. He knew his sense of choice would matter; it would change what he wanted and needed in his future life.

no_choices_by_zardo-d193ndi

Not that this is the first time that I had to choose. I am 19, I have made many choices until now but I don’t regret any. Instead, we all make many choices on daily basis, don’t we? Not every choice I made had led to what I desired, yet I don’t regret cause in one way or the other, they have taught me the lesson of “life”. Everything you desire is not exactly what you need but Almighty knows better how needs are required to be fulfilled before your wants and desires or the other times it is just that everything doesn’t come the easy way. Life is all about challenges, isn’t it? On the dark morning of October 1st, 2013; I knew what was to last for no longer within me. A part of me that will be taken away forever and may be this time I could regret given how my future has been framed by my destiny. I believe in changing the destiny with one’s actions and good will but there are times when you stand helpless against the massive blow of Nature. This time, I adored what I have been bestowed with but regardless how much I loved and adored for being chosen for the blessing, I couldn’t keep it – I had to choose; a choice to deny the happiness for the sake of fear. This time, it wasn’t solely my choice, another being was involved with me and that being’s choices substantially made a difference. However, I would never blame the choices made by that being. Our decisions were mutual; I let go of my happiness with my very own hands because of the fear element dominating the situation – it was my choice to honor the way I have lived my life until now.

Life is short, love living it and let all the odds be in your favor! Have a good productive day!

 

I Love You!

Note: This poem is another real-life story. This is the story of my very dear friend who has over the time fallen for a man who possess a life-turning history that can move anyone! He is a gem and truly deserve to be loved for who he is. I have met him personally and I believe that men like him are found rarely on this planet for he never curses the life’s mishaps instead enjoy competing with them. He is an inspiration and I believe what he did for his family isn’t a piece of cake. It is his birthday today and I wish him a very warm Happy Birthday with blessings for his health and happiness. I hope he and my friend can succeed in paving their way together.

The poem can be confusing but I do not want to fade the charm by my explanations. All I can say is consider my friend and her lover on the scene – I’m not included even if the poetry sounds like “I” all the time.

Hey buddy, if you are reading this one’s for you!  Happy Birthday! *High Five*

Your arms comfort me,
Your love is all I can see.

Deep oceans and vast skies,
Love’s in the air – no goodbyes.

Claim me; I belong to you,
Waiting on the moment when I can say I DO!

Life’s been a torture and a harsh examination.
You’ve fought the hatred, bullies and raising inflation.

The day you sobbed while murmuring the story of your past,
My heart was stabbed and my heartbeat so fast.

You told me how previously you had nothing to eat,
You had to shift houses – move from street to street.

Your wife was your support and you loved her truly,
She paced with you despite of life being so unruly.

You looked at her and the miseries seemed off shore,
Her arms were your heaven and her love your highest score.

The world conspired against both of you,
However, you remained steadfast as the time flew.

*From this turn, I have changed the speech of the poem. The poem continues to be his narration (in my words, of course) *

Seven years of struggle, efforts and resistance,
Letting her go was the destiny’s decision.

Two different religions portray us as criminals,
If love is a crime then I will commit it in all my life’s intervals.

The world parted us,
M
y soul couldn’t take the fuss.

The divorce papers were on the desk,
Failure invaded my heart – my reflection so grotesque.

How can I sign them for I love her name?
How can I forget those memories we together framed?

The world’s cruel and brutal but my heart is at peace,
I smile when I encounter how her life’s at ease.

Her gleaming eyes deserve all the happiness,
How can I forget her lovely caresses?

She loved me, for who I was,
She adored me exceptionally without laws.

Today, on my birthday I cherish my memories with her,
Our lively memories that can never be blurred.

She looks at me from the photo I have clutched,
Her pretty smile makes me feel the warmth of her touch.

Many may come in my life though,
No one can fade the charm of her glow.

Life can be excruciating to wound you,
Make your way through and be forever true.

Layman as a Philosopher!

There lives a philosopher in every being on this planet but it merely depends on your skills to scratch the surface of your heart to mingle with the brain nerves in order to attain that very stern expression on your face with millions of lines across your jawbones, forehead, cheekbones presenting you like a true Zombie; hence before you ever think of evolving yourself into a philosopher from inside, you need a complete MAKEOVER!!

 

The very renown scientists and Philosophers.

On the serious note, I usually wonder how numerous scientists have evolved themselves into philosophers in the later stages of their life when they were done with their part in the world of science. Not only scientists hit this very complicated list of wise men but lovers when get hysterical about their love-life and entwining emotions  evolve into philosophers too. Authors, poets, actors, writers and etc are running at the same pace to bind with a fore mentioned people; hence one who is legendary can continue to bang on with his reputation by giving space to the concealed philosopher buried somewhere deep down within his framed personality. Albert Einstein and Newton did a great job in influencing world partly as philosophers too.

 

The turning edge to the context is that layman is not far behind in this race of “WHO WILL BE AN ULTIMATE PHILOSPHER?” They have a panel of experiences to enrich their soul with the nourishment required to reciprocate the experiences into words that helps them to achieve admiration and honor within a matter of few seconds with the exposure to cyber world and numerous social circles throughout the internet web.

 

Let’s do an exercise. Ignore the literal meaning of “PHILOSOPHY” itself and don’t ask yourself WHAT IS PHILOSOPHY? instead ask yourself WHAT STRATEGY COMPOSES A PHILOSPHER IN EVERY HUMAN BEING? I want to make a mental note over here that we are not talking about Philosophy as a subject but as the rare side of human where he develops the instincts to draw a margin between his interests and responsibilities; hence the composure of a personality to understand and interpret the mechanism of life is the captivating chronicle of concealed philosopher in every human being.

 

Life is all about ups and downs; LEARN from it

Happiness and sorrow have an equal contribution in our life-time. Thus, neither a person can whine for the life span shedding tears and mourning over the account of his misfortune nor can he bloom like a flower for an eternity cradling bliss in his arms like his personal possession. Hence, life is a blend of colors where the darker tones demonstrates grief and sorrow and the brighter tones signifies happiness and delight. This JUST systematic approach of Almighty can be justified by an example involving Mother Nature.  I interpret day as the time when Nature initiates its journey seeking the highest point – the maximum level that is achieved (everyday) by illuminating the world partly (while rest of the world is immersed in darkness). When the maximum level is achieved, the Nature begins its journey to seek the lowest point – the minimum level when it can hide its one fire ball behind horizon and let the other white ball illuminate the sky with the acquaintanceship of sparkling stars. There is a theory behind it; if one tends to comprehend it. Almighty exhibits a rule of REALITY everyday that is Success(bliss) and Downfall(sorrow) are coherent. If success is your destiny today then expect the downfall as your next pre-destined step; hence nobody can claim their life to be “PERFECT”.

 

Life is challenging but NEVER GIVE UP

Happiness makes a man proud of his gestures and actions therefore when hardships hit his shore and thrashes him with the surprise of an examination from Almighty, the same bigheaded man regrets and complains for he never expects the era of happiness wounded by the incoming of his spiritual examination. The patient beings on this planet who centrally believe in HOPE always have a way out – the hope is another terminology for “PHILOSOPHY”. When a man encourages himself under the flag of HOPE mingling his wisdom with the temperament to counter the challenges and examine his will-power, self-determination and spiritual strength, it is the very exact time when he gives birth to the philosopher in himself. The wide range of experiences flavored with his innovations to bear with the given examination is a challenge in itself and his efforts to clear the examination magnificently helps him with his spiritual growth. When he shares the profound meaning of LIFE accompanied by the voice of his SOUL – the thoughts are transformed into a “LAYMAN’S PHILOSOPHY”.