Diary of Nobody -XIV-

“Sup”, they ask.

You must be aware that youth nowadays like to shorten everything for the sake of some apparent swag or for some ridiculous cool-effect. I struggle to be a part of this age where appearances need to be dope and emotions stand no hope — where the soul is ruthlessly starved to feed the goddamn ego.

Is there any way we can return to our childhood? I don’t want to fit in this world without you. It might seem like an absurd thought at the very first instance but I feel like I have lost the soul I thought I could rock and jam with. My soul hasn’t been fed for a while and the sense of emotional numbness invades my sanity. Netflix keeps me company now, sometimes it is family but where exactly are you? Weren’t you supposed to be my guardian angel and protect me from the forces of evil? I was told love has no boundaries only to realize for myself that love is all about boundaries.

I am healing. I am trying. I am coping. I am surviving. I think, reviving too.

“Its difficult but not impossible.”, your voice echoes in my head and drives me insane. How do I tell you that impossibility is just a word for you while I have to live through the reality of circumstantial intricacy? I am disgusted with myself for not being able to find peace and solace within myself and for unknowingly creating a bubble-world around you. Why do I have to die a little every single day because you have ceased to be a part of my constantly-recurring struggle for existence?

I hurt every day but I cannot bring myself to the point of loathing you. I try to strike a conversation with you but I don’t know what else could I ask you except of your well-being and the gossip about weather since I have noticed that you are fond of posting pictures of snow, rain, spring, fall and what-not-weather-related on your social media. I try to converse heart-to-heart with you but you’ve given up. You had given up a long time ago since I was the reason for your frustrations, troubles and bruises. I disappointed you once and in turn you never trusted me with anything again, not even with a candid conversation. I wish you could see how I wait desperately for the times you would be around. However, I can never catch your eye like others do. Perhaps, you have stopped responding to any gestures which may indicate very subtly that I need you. One moment, I want to let you in and expose all my vulnerabilities and the other moment, I stop dead in my tracks for I fear that I will smash the wall which stands tall between us necessary for our survival and to maintain our individuality. I fear that I will burst your bubble with my unfortunate reality. The underlying fear of letting you down (yet again) and losing whatever little we have dictates my life at the very moment because seeing you torn apart is the last of the last things I could imagine indulging myself in.

So, I reside in silence while thunder roars within me. I hibernate to be able to hide my scars as best as I can. My world exists in a shell purposely so you can cherish life the way you do and make every second of it divine. I see you being yourself with others and exuberating just the right amount of confidence and charisma, and I am at peace. While you are doing just fine and dealt courageously with the unimaginable aftermath of our adversities; I, on the other hand, am still living through it.

You know what? You might think that after all this time, I should knock it off already and just be like you. But, you simply can’t see that normal has never been my forte, and it never will be.

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Invisibility

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For as long as she was in his life, my presence wouldn’t count. For as long as I will have to be compared to an image of another being who was clearly seamless, I wouldn’t relish my imperfect reality. For as long as I was invisible to him, I would have to retaliate to convince him that I exist; that I have feelings too and that there beats a heart in the centre of my body that is capable of loving and hating. Now, it was in his hands to decide which of the lesser evil to choose.

Mighty Love()

Lonely yet I believe in love,
Sad yet I believe in happiness,
Evil yet I believe in good,
Wrong yet I believe in right,
Foolish yet I believe in wisdom,
Coward yet I believe in courage,
A loser yet I believe in victory,
I believe in me – I believe in my odds,
I recreate myself whenever I want,
I encourage my versatility,
I loathe those who judge,
I cherish my strengths,
I treasure my guts,
Love me, love yourself and love us,
We are different – noble and blessed,
Leave the hatred behind – do not judge,
This world is a small place for a grudge.

Fairy tales and US!

We all can always see the castle of happiness at some distance!

Once upon a time and a fairy tale starts;
Life painted with love – correlation of two hearts.

An innocent princess trapped by the evil forces;
However her fine character pursues love and its courses.

The villain of the story is proud and heartless;
Torturing and tormenting the princess – his behavior never artless. 

Patience, tolerance and love represent the flawless princess;
Waiting on her prince charming – seeking the clue for his access.

Beautiful princess is then spell bounded or caught in trouble;
The world vanishes from her sight and is captured in a bubble.

The villain’s pleased to harm the lovely princess and her virtuous character;
Before it’s too late, the prince appears to fight the evil and claim her for life and after.

Good always triumphs over evil, they say;
Life’s complex but nothing can defeat the sunshine’s ray.

The prince defeats the villain and makes the princess his forever;
They fondle and kiss each other – a new journey they begin to endeavor.

Every fairy tale is “HAPPILY EVER AFTER”;
How can they never cry and always treasure the smiles and laughter?

I’m grown up and it’s my children’s time to adore these tales,
There is no end to villains even if I dig up on all the details.

There is no happily ever after – ups and downs are part of life,
Cherish each other’s differences and adore your spouses whether it’s your husband or wife.

Virtue OR Vice ^ Your Preference

For a lot more, we urge, we seek;
Exploit the fatal vault, defeat the peak.

Lust soaks the existence, gluttony swallows the veracity;
Integrity upholds the mass but the ultimate scarcity.

The trembling appearance, unable to quit the dosage of falsehood;
Steady embraces revolutionizing the evil – one last chance to all good.

Truth begins its expedition demolishing the vicious circle of malice;
Each pace to be taken vigilantly, mind and soul implies.

Hands up, hearts down, darting the mendacity with an arrow,
The heaven is evidently apparent, the only discernible independent sparrow.

One right foot ahead, vote for the world peace,
Million feet together ceases the battle field’s crease.

The bolted eyes disclosing premises, battling against evil;
Hope intoxicates the core thrashing the prevailing devil.

The globe tends to spat the trash, gaping at the sudden ambiguity;
The world proclaims a revival, a renaissance with thrashing acuity.

One pathway, one course, one role and one soul;
Stepping ahead altogether for serenity, being the first one to enroll.

The struggle fathoms the power of unison and conviction;
The flowing blood signifies the sacrifices – a merry conclusion to the crucial friction.

Enthusiasm and passion raiding the amoral of the mortals;
Exhibiting the concealed abilities in the omniscient portals.

Barbarism slackens the civilization to entrust the frailty;
Thus integrity conquers the world one day or the other – serving the penalty.

Contaminating the morality is an attempt of the atrocious and malevolent fraction;
Hence it’s worth articulating how every action has an equal and opposite reaction.