Diary of Nobody -XI-

Just because there wasn’t a forever with you – I feel there can never be one.

While our song plays on the radio tonight, I slip in and out of reality making emptiness and nothingness my peers along the way. I am numb to the emotions of life for now. Lately, I have been thinking about you a lot more than usual and it’s intriguing and confusing at the same time. Why can’t you just leave me alone?

I went for a stroll this morning. There were barely any cars out on the road at that hour and the sun was beginning to rise. I liked the city better at this time when it was quiet and peaceful. I inhaled the beauty of the serenity surrounding me and it was in a long while that I didn’t need music to accompany me. Usually, I disconnect myself to drown out the voice of the world with a pair of headphones and my music playlist but today I was trying my best to connect with the same world. I was cherishing the birds singing their songs in the distance. I hummed along with them but the morning was not the same after you had crossed my mind. Suddenly, I was taken back in time (just like that). I wanted to tuck my hand in the pocket of your coat so our fingers could be entwined while we walked.

I was wandering in the valley of our memories, far from reality. She held my hand and brought me back to face the real world. I looked down at this little four-year-old girl pulling down on my sweater’s sleeve. Your name escaped my lips and you were not a secret anymore. I didn’t realize that I had been crying until she pointed it out and demanded a reason for my tears. I panicked and ignored her question and became anxious if she had been out at this hour all by herself.  I breathed a sigh of relief when I heard her call out ‘Daddy, Look I am here’ to a man standing not more than ten steps away with his back facing us looking around for her.

I smiled at her and assured her I was fine. She couldn’t help being the usual quick-witted kid and bombarded me with detective questions like what had I been doing there; if I had been out with my father as well; why would I cry in the middle of the street; if I was scared when she held my hand and who is ‘your name’. I was astonished when she mentioned you not because she heard your name and remembered it but because she considered you an important question-mark-to-be-answered to reveal my mysterious story.

I knelt down so that I was face to face with her. I held both her hands in my hands and told her that I didn’t have answers to her questions but I had something that she would like. I fished through the pockets of my sweater to find this toy I have had from few days ago when I went to McDonald’s. The happiness spread across her face and I witnessed a sunrise right then and there. Her father called out her name again and she responded back with ‘I am coming’.

Before I realized, she hugged me tightly. I knew this was a goodbye hug. Overtime, I have become an expert in knowing how these hugs feel.

“I really like you. Will you like to be my friend? I don’t have many friends”, she whispered in my ear while hugging me.

Before I could respond, she continued: “I can be better than ‘your name’ and then you wouldn’t miss him.”

The tears rolled down my cheeks again and I whispered back that I would love to be her friend. She kissed me on my cheek and ran in the direction of her father.

The man politely smiled at me while she climbed on the shoulders of her father and waved me goodbye with a smile that will stay with me for the rest of my years.

I made my way back to the apartment while I mourned over this short-lived friendship. For the first time since I have known you, I realized I had confided in somebody other than you.

Book of Life

You are a book,
An untitled story,
The beginnings and endings,
They write it for themselves,
They make their way,
Piercing into your lives,
Exploiting the truth,
Faking the lies,
Broken trust and false promises,
Unexpected expectations and rustling good-byes,
Chapter after chapter,
New characters,
Hesitantly envisioning,
The possibilities to realize your dreams,
Learning from the past,
Making present an inspiration,
To seek a brighter tomorrow,
And the book continues,
Good and bad times,
Protagonists and antagonists,
Friends and foes,
Love and light,
Arguments and fights,
Brand new beginnings,
Abrupt endings,
Day after day,
Chapter after chapter,
Light after dark,
Misery after bliss,
The vicious cycle continues,
The combination of peace and conflict,
Accumulated loads of ambiguity,
But what are you living for?
What is the purpose of this ongoing war?
Why do you yearn for more and more?
The answers to your questions,
They demand years and wisdom,
For you can resolve this mystery,
With a journey of self-discovery.

Settling into UK!

Hey ya fellas! I apologize sincerely for vanishing for a week or so but I had to or rather I put it like this that I was too much messed up in the emotional trauma that I was going through that it made it difficult for me to inform my lovely family here! I have read too many posts on Renard’s blog expressing his miserable feelings for the bloggers who vanish without explaining the cause and though I have had a sincere readership around yet I failed to inform you all and that is why I feel awful so apologies, apologies and apologies! And I hope its granted now!

My books – Business, Mathematics, English (Three subjects for this term which ends on December 7th 2012)

Now the question is where have I been? Interesting question! I am no more in my country but in England for my studies i.e my undergraduate program! The previous week was crucial! I covered 6 chapters of Business Studies and 5 chapters of Mathematics and submitted the project of Business on Friday and wrote the maths test on Thursday (which was nearly perfect!) Apart from studies which are smooth enough now after a rushing week because I arrived two weeks later than the starting date (Another story why I was late – briefly, I turned 18 in August and it took longer for my identity card to get to me and as soon as I got through it, I filed my visa and fortunately I received my visa in 5 working days!)

Clouds forming before it starts to rain or rather drizzle! I love the smoky skies in here – this place is romantic! (lol)

Settling into UK – not a problem at all! Lovely people out there in almost freezing weather and yeah romance pouring my heart with the rain tickling my face! According to me, it never rains in here instead it drizzles! I like the feeling of walking on the lonely and empty streets aimlessly trying to figure out where I have to go. I love getting lost and then finding my way back again and the sweetheart babies you see all around you; almost perfect but I miss my family terribly! The most difficult part is when you sit all alone by yourself trying to eat but you can’t cause you miss your family’s dinning table, your parent’s arguments and siblings chit chat and funny pranks! I have to cry to myself because if I will be weak, my mum will certainly be not better! My room is okay – thankfully it is my room only so I do not have to share it with anybody even being on university’s accommodation!

I carried it all the way from Morrisons to my room – those 15 minutes were hell!

Plenty of stories in my head and I want to let all of them out! My flight was 7 hours delayed and I got to know it on Dubai International Airport when some Italian guy (whose English accent was a terrible pain for my ears) told me how they do not have enough passengers to fly to Birmingham! I simply never knew how Emirates could ditch me like this but those 7 hours were an incredible experience. The sense of responsibility that ensured me how I had grown up and can do everything independently now. Those 7 hours when I had to look after my money, my luggage, keep contact with my parents, resisting the sleep when I was up for more than 24 hours and what not. Dubai Internstional Airport was my first examination and with His cooperation, I succeeded it like a victorious warrior! I reached my accommodation at 11:00 pm on October 12th and the very next day I realized I had to do my grocery all on my own (which I had never done before) and I had to walk like crazies! Yeah, I missed my driver and at times my car as well but with time walking was a pleasure instead I discovered how I can observe many things minutely when I walk and see the world without technology!  I have been to city center twice and I kinda bought many things though I am not a shopaholic at all but I guess that was the need cause UK is kinda freezing and will continue to freeze more and more with every passing day! Primark, H&M, Topshop, Zara’s, Integration,  Evans – you name it and I am sure I have been there! I am still discovering good restaurants though right now Subway and my own cooking skills had help me enough!

World Of Coins!

The very big change for me was MONEY! Amazing! It took me almost a week to learn about currency, coins, pence and I am still on my way to learn more about them! We had maids back in home to do everything, from ironing clothes to polishing shoes and almost everything. Now, I wake up 2 hours before I have to leave so I can iron my clothes and look about my shoes and then leave almost 40 minutes before because it is a 20 to 25 minutes walk to my school from my accommodation and I leave the margin of 20 minutes in case of any accident (God Forbid) I never imagined how time would play with me and change me within a week! I thought I was careless (clutz) and may be I still am but I don’t see it. The very big problem for me is to look about my keys and wallet; back in my home country I never had a wallet! All I ever did was slip few bucks in my jeans but wallet – NO!

Talking about Leicester, it is not a busy city like London but it is still busy enough. Traffic can prove you and when you see Audi and Mercedes cars out there, you are like Woahh!! (Just Kidding) It is like a Mini China in here cause you will find so many Chinese people! Okay, they are Korean, Japanese, Chinese, Nepalese but all of them look almost same so you can never ever tell who they are! Now what I am fed up of is every other person asking me if I am from AMERICA! I am not boasting about myself but hundreds of men and women have asked me if I am from America because they say my accent is American and when I tell them from Pakistan, I see their eyes bulging out as if I have said that I am the president of US. Excuse me, get a life – my school’s principal will kill me if she gets to know how I am receiving such a comment because we are taught British English then HOW THE EFFING HELL I POSSIBLY CAN SOUND LIKE AN AMERICAN? Does that even make sense? The very first person to tell me was a guy on the plane, then the immigration lady(until she saw my passport), then this surgeon I met in the grocery store, then almost every receptionist on the university information desk, the receptionist guy on the accommodation information desk, cashiers in the shopping malls and I am tired of giving them that look to not repeat it! You know how is it like? Let me demonstrate, consider I am talking to a lady who is the saleswoman of H&M;

Naima: Excuse me, Can I see this?

Saleswoman: Yeah sure!

Naima: Thank you (Smiling) – But I don’t want heels you see.

Saleswoman: Oh! Are you from America? You have an American Accent!

Naima: (A crucial look and then a smile and says with grinding teeth) Everybody says so though I don’t know why!

Pasta – Cooked on Friday, 19th October 2012!

Chicken and Capsicums – Cooked on Saturday, 20th October 2012!

Chicken and Vegetable fried Rice – Cooked on Sunday, 21st October 2012!

I know at times it is a LOLing situation for me but I have to bear with it. I don’t mind being the way I am so back out! Another worse thing in here is that it is autumn and I hate to walk on the fallen leaves! I mean, why did they ever taught us that leaves are living beings because now I feel miserable when I see plenty of them lying on the floor and I have to walk over them! I feel guilty at times and curse my science teachers for being so mean back then when I was 9 or 10. I started cooking like 3 days back that means from this weekend cause I had to buy my cooking pans and everything and I think I am doing pretty well if I eliminate comparing it with my mommy’s food! Of course, she is a professional! I see old couples being too romantic – holding hands and linking arms and I go back in my memory to recall when did my parents or even grand parents did it last time in front of me! I adore the people here, their innocence and the love they share through their smiles! (Believe me or not, I am almost smiling to everybody on my way; exclude the young guys please cause they will take a different meaning out of it)

Cooking and eating – a good time pass; need no friends! (lol)

Briefly, I enjoy in here. It is an adventure ride. Lazy mornings in my bright room with a chilly wind that knocks me down and I stretch my arms thinking if I can see some other faces than Chinese (Just kidding – no hard feelings please but the fact is there are too many Chinese out here and I appreciate their love for education) As expected, no friends yet but I think with time, I will be okay. I talk to a Singaporean girl in my class *Ann* who has a boy friend so she is too busy with him all the time but she is a great girl to talk to and I have been lately talking to this Canadian guy *Marcus* who has explained me the maths and business problems that I have not understood after reading on my own! He had been a great helping hand but again it is just a hello-hey with them; they are not yet friends! I am too bad at it, I know but I hope to do good!

PS– I know I have missed out whole a lot on reading the blogs I follow but I will try to manage it out whenever possible! Thank you for the support and cooperation as always! It is greatly appreciated! Stay blessed!

Lived Up To Sway Passionately!

As we lived up to sway passionately!

Do you remember?
That boy from the mountains,
Where the dead-cold December,
And the freezing fountains,
Lived up to sway passionately.

The moment I saw him,
Butterflies attacked my belly,
My heart bleeped on a whim,
I melted like a jelly,
My lashes began to flutter,
As the rain drops drenched my face,
I rhythmically began to utter,
The love song rejoicing our dreamlike embrace,
His glimpse made my heart stutter,
As we lived up to sway passionately.

He was talking to his guy friends,
Smiling and laughing as his dimples sank,
Deep within his cheeks as I saw their ends,
Alas! What a beauty, my heart bowed to thank,
Could I touch him with my eyes?
Didn’t he observe me watching him?
Chills run down my spine as he tried,
To look at me with the corners of his eyes,
I turned around and smiled to myself,
As we lived up to sway passionately.

I turned back to find nobody in his place,
I cursed myself for moving my eye off his face,
I couldn’t let go off him – I need to chase,
My trembling heart began to race,
Racing heart couldn’t get back to its pace,
Just then I felt a sensational embrace,
Somebody tracing my arms from behind in-case,
I turned around and his smile shining down with grace,
His gleaming eyes requested for a dancing phase,
As we lived up to sway passionately.

The dance floor so welcoming yet,
All I could see was only him I bet,
He pulled me closer while I began to sweat,
Shoving off the anxiety – we were ready to set,
For a flight on his private jet,
A flight to the love land where I threat,
If biting on a poisonous apple would be my regret,
I didn’t let go off him as he gripped me tight,
Didn’t worry to have a poisonous bite,
My mighty strength announced him my personal knight,
I kissed him right and he made me fight,
To hug him tight and hold his sight,
As we lived up to sway passionately.

He bowed his head,
As his heart bled,
For our union in bed,
But I could not be misled,
By the crocodile tears he shed,
So I took a thread,
And tied it on his wrist until red,
He gave me the look of dread,
But I smiled as he fled,
To another land,
With another sexy damsel,
For another grand celebration on the stand,
As they lived up to sway passionately.

Suicide is never an ANSWER!

“But man is not made for defeat. A man can be destroyed but not defeated.”

I read the very same line few days back and I felt like a winner despite of all the failures that have miserably been destroying me within and I felt proud of myself – really very proud for being steadfast and dedicated to the goals of my life. The question that rises over here is that if failure really is a misery that can compel you to invite a death call and split the threads of your breath? Who is not a FAILURE in this life – failure is an understatement; we all are WARRIORS! We struggle to achieve and if there are huddles to accomplish on the way to our destination then they are the trademark for earning experience – the only human on the planet who have no experience (in terms of life) is a new-born baby and as soon as he breathes in this world, he is open to the wide valley of experiences. From feeding to playing, from smiling to crying, from sensing to loving, from crawling to walking; all is a new experience for him. When he is learning to walk or sit, he does fall short a million times and he does cry often but all these efforts are worth it when he finally succeeds to sit or walk without an external support – that one smile of joy is worth the plenty tears he had cried throughout the miserable process of learning and that pain is worth the skill he has learned over the course of time. Unfortunately, as a baby grow physically with utmost optimism and a firm belief in trying; his mental capability grows with the blend of influences from the social circle and other things that encompasses the society where he grows up. When this baby starts kindergarten, he cries because he fears the new atmosphere and isolation from his mother punches him in his gut. When the same boy grows up to join school, he fears to make new friends and the competition to cope up with studies. With the time, many ups and downs are welcomed by life. Some are bearable and some are beyond one’s endurance capability, hence in any way human survives because they possess the brains to reframe themselves after being completely destroyed and devastated. Some are real warriors and endure pain and suffering coming their way with the determination, steadfastness and a hope to see the bright day but some lose hope and make a heartbreaking decision of “SUCIDE” – it pierced and slashed my soul while typing this word but encountering and accepting the reality is primarily imperative in order to eliminate it.

Suicide is one crucial reality of this bitter-sweet world. I am well aware of how life can be intimidating and discouraging but is “SUICIDE” a moral decision? Of course NOT! The World Health Organization (WHO) estimates that each year approximately one million people die from suicide, which represents a global mortality rate of 16 people per 100,000 or one death every 40 seconds. It is predicted that by 2020 the rate of death will increase to one every 20 seconds. This is what’s happening around us and I know that it would keep increasing as it has been reported by WHO that since the last 45 years suicide rates have increased by 60% worldwide. Suicide is now among the three leading causes of death among those aged from 15 to 44 years (male and female). I have known a guy who tried to attempt suicide around three years back but his attempt failed . I met him the day before yesterday in a cocktail party and I observed a different guy talking to me. He sounded happy and ebullient and he was talking about how he would be marrying in the upcoming months. By looking at him, I wondered if he really remembered the night his mum was crying on my mum’s shoulder and I was peeking inside the operation theater where his body was being operated to work out with poison if possible. I thought back to myself silently if he remembered how long that night would have been for his mother who had turned into a widow just a month ago. I questioned myself whether he recalls his attempt and thank Almighty for giving him another chance to live the blessing he was bestowed upon with. The smile that illuminated his face and the reflection of bliss and pride in his character was evident that I can tell very easily what his answer would be if I ask him whether the decision he made three years back about ending his life was a sane decision or not. His answer would absolutely be “NO” when he had been a victim himself of the unending toil but his contentment today is a positive weapon to encounter everything with confidence and optimism.

The WHO states that mental health disorders (particularly depression and substance abuse) are associated with more than 90% of all cases of suicide. However, suicide results from many complex sociocultural factors and is more likely to occur during periods of socio-economic, family and individual crisis (e.g. loss of a loved one, unemployment, sexual orientation, difficulties with developing one’s identity, dissociation from one’s community or other social/belief group, and honor). The suicide rate astounded me when I read the WHO report further stating that 55% suicide attempts are made by adolescents to adults aged between 15 to 44 years and 45% suicide attempts are made by people aged 45 years and over. The crucially disheartening fact is that suicide is the third leading cause of death for young people aged between 15 to 24 years at which WHO states that “Youth Suicide is increasing at the greatest rate.”

Most people who commit suicide don’t want to die—they just want to stop hurting. Suicide is an attempt to escape suffering that has become unbearable. Blinded by feelings of self-loathing, hopelessness and isolation, a suicidal person can’t see any way of finding relief except through death – the only way they think they can attain peace. However despite their desire for the pain to stop, most suicidal people are deeply conflicted about ending their own lives. They wish to find an alternative to committing suicide but they just can’t see one. If a friend or family member is considering suicide, you might be afraid to bring up the subject but talking openly about suicidal thoughts and feelings can save a life. Hence, we have to aware ourselves to help people around us. One death in every 40 seconds is not a joke – we are a responsible “HUMAN” living on the planet (say NO to geographic divisions – we all are one and this world is our abode) Hence we can always endeavor on our part to stop this exercise and educate the people around us regarding “LIFE” who may in your opinion can later be the target of this lethal exercise. Therefore, I believe that we all have been through pain and suffering, our heart must have been attacked and invaded at times and our soul must have wished for an end once in a while but that doesn’t allow us to put a full-stop ourselves. Wait for the natural full-stop; at least that doesn’t announce you a “LOSER”. None of us desire an undignified end and even most of the suicidal people do not desire “DEATH” or “DARK-END”; instead they desire for the pain to stop. Make an aim to stay happy and make others happy. Reward the people around you with a smile and a compliment to make their day – your smile can be a healing therapy for a traumatized heart which can result in saving one life for every 40 seconds.

BARBIE DOLLS CAN’T SAVE THE WORLD NOW!

 

Soha – my cousin sister!

My little cousin sister is snoring as I see her lying in my bed and my heart becomes heavy and my smile fades away when I realize that this little baby is my guest for only a couple of days. She is my mommy’s sister’s daughter; it makes her my first cousin and they live in Dubai. My aunt is here for a short period of time to spend some time with us. My cousin sister is only 6 and half years old and though there is a major age-difference between us yet we get along together so well. She is always around me with an intention to have fun. She isn’t a Barbie girl who would like fairy tales instead she is an imaginative gal who thinks I am a vampire because I have pointed canines and is always interviewing me so that she can get a clue to break the news to the world that vampires do exist and she found the first very real-vampire under her nose. She possesses an intriguing personality with which she is able to knock me off and amaze me with her intelligence and brains. In my upcoming posts, may be I will talk more about my conversations with her. There is a reason behind why am I sharing this:

1) To learn what a little kid has got to teach us.
2)To learn to be confident, blunt and honest without over-posing to be super-good or please others.
3)To enjoy humor.
4)To educate ourselves regarding the present generation – the outcome of 21st Century.

Random photo sessions – we both love them!

Time to share one of her stories!! She was sitting on the sofa playing some video games on her portable game box (what they call XBOX 360) and I couldn’t tolerate this beauty sitting and enjoying the company of the stupid dumb box so I started tickling her. I didn’t attack her once at a sudden otherwise she would have been annoyed instead I started rubbing the sole of her foot and there she smiled with a murmur, “Don’t do it, Naima.” I ignored the murmur and continued to tickle her for a short period of time and after all, my goal was accomplished. She moved from the sofa and went in my room to play the game. I followed her and lay with her in the bed and then I started tickling her belly. For a while she succeeded in ignoring me but after sometime it was difficult for her to overlook my gestures and she shut the game-box down and sat in bed screaming as if she has seen some dead-end. I politely asked her what was the matter and she gave me that hideous look and I resisted my laughter so that I can play along more. From then on, she started a conversation and that is what I am going to state like a dialogue-script. Her name is Soha and I will address her with the alphabet “S” and I will use “N” for myself.

S: What is your problem, Naima?
N: My problem? You kidding me? What are you here for? Playing games?
S: That is none of your business – I love to play games.
N: Forget about my business baby; I love you.
S: What? Baby? I am not one and half-year old Naima. I am a big girl. [Her expressions were worth it – I broke out laughing before my response]
N: Gosh Soha, you are a baby for me no matter how big girl you think you are!
S: Don’t call me baby; I am warning you.
N: Then what should I call you sweetheart?
S: Sweetheart??? I am not your boy-friend.
N: BOY-FRIEND? What’s that? Who told you about it?
S: [Evil Laugh] I told you, I am a big girl.
N: I am serious Soha, who told you about that?
S: I know it by myself like I learnt to whistle and burp.
N: What? Should I tell your mom??
S: Naima!!! Please Please. [Batting her lashes and bribing me with her charming eyes for keeping my mouth shut– again expressions worth mentioning.]
N: What please? You can not bribe me with your smile.
S: Oh, I kind of [the word she uses in every sentence] know it myself – I *pinky promise*
N: [I pass her a silent stare while she continues to smile bashfully.]
S: Okay Okay.. I just assumed that when we are big, we need to have a boy-friend so we can marry him.
N: Disgusting!! You talking about marriage?
S: [A shy laugh] I know it is *YUCKY*.

Soha with her little baby sister Izma.

Before I could continue with the conversation, I broke into a laugh and her innocent expressions made me go crazy. I know that this is 21st century but I do not expect all this coming from little kids – may be their friends and companions are all one and the same. She does not watch television excessively[her mother does not let her exceed an hour and the channel she watches is CARTOON NETWORK or NICKELODEON at times], her mum is a super-mom who would do anything to protect her from the bad company and what not yet she knows everything about this *BOY-FRIEND* stuff – this sent shivers down my spine thinking of how conscious would I have to be when I will be a *MOTHER*.

She can’t stop posing though I just asked her to *CHEESE*!

Today in this fast-paced world, the media is influential and we are unable to realize where it is leading our young generation. The influence is spread far and wide and the influence seems contagious; I must say mother’s four eyes[as they claim – one invisible pair of eyes at the back] in the present era doesn’t seem enough to look after their kids so what does that mean? Mothers need to buy more pair of eyes but from where?? It seems like these kids are innocent but once they start babbling the innocence evaporates leaving an absurd impression and my mum is always telling me and my little cousins about my childhood tales when she sees her little niece to be much cleverer than what I am even right now. According to my mommy[after talking to her nieces for several days], I am innocent and naive even at the age of 18 if compared to kids of 21st century though I have no idea if it really is the truth.

Relationship Trauma!

NOTE: Thank you so much for keeping a track to my site even when I was not posting, the stats are evident. Thank you for the shower of those beautiful mails who wanted to inquire about my NO-POSTING season, your care and love for me moved me to the core and that is how I planned on updating the blog today in spite of the busy schedule – your over-whelming love can break the barriers of the cold working schedule. I am blessed to have a bunch of sincere readers who seek my work and look up to me. Thank you once again for all the mails, they are worth million gems and I will surely be getting back to each one of them. I hope that my readers can compromise on my delayed posting though I will try to post at least once a day and if not possible then at least once in three days. The posting may be affected but I ensure that the reading hours won’t be reduced – all the blogs I follow will be read and fed with likes and comments where necessary. Thank you for the cooperation.

 

It has been three years, two months, twenty-seven days, seven hours, five minutes and thirty-seven seconds (to the date) when I met him for the first time. I was always pretty precise about our timings as it was always a treat to make him feel special with such remarkable moves that helped me look at him gaping with surprise at how perfect I was at times especially when it was concerned with him. I never intended to sound over-efficient or behave over-smartly but my target was to feed him with pleasure and happiness all at once. The stories of his past haunted him every now and then and I believed that it was my responsibility to ensure him that he was cherished and his present was much better than what he had expected of his future in the past. My efforts always wanted to pursue the desires of his heart so that he could feel the warmth and passion of love burning within me for him – his appearance may not be the factor for why was I attracted towards him but certainly his soul was primarily a key reason for my helpless condition. Despite of all my efforts, I believe I lack immensely from time to time. This feeling first bothered me when I realized that his way of expression and the incredible charm was fading – it was not my sight which has to be blamed but he really was changing. I did not have the nerve to ask him if he was not interested in continuing what we had between us – a blend of friendship that was transforming into love on my part and I was unaware of how his heart would respond to my feelings. The change in attitude is always evident and with time I saw his attitude rusting. I feared to let go of him – how would I ever feel if he would someday introduce me to the love of his life unaware of how my heart raced for him incredibly. How could he ever deny that when he called me beautiful, I blushed because there is really something happening deep down within me when he praises me. How could he not know that when we linked arms and walked together at the Christmas party of the school for the first time, I felt like a fairy-tale princess and I wanted to pause the life at that very moment to glance at him for eternity. Was he really unaware of my feelings unless I expressed myself in those three letter essential yet worthless words? How could I ever forget that moment when he said: “Darling, I was waiting for an eternity to hear it. Oh my goodness, I love you so much too”. He embraced me and I felt secured in his arms – first time ever after my daddy was gone and never held on to my finger because of his lousy second wife and her sons that comparatively seemed better to him than me and my mum. I can never compare him to my dad as I never found him a moral person but this guy; he was beyond morality for me.  Unfortunately, we always are immature and perceptive when the mind stops functioning and it is the chords of heart that tunes in to write the lyrics of our love song. He repeatedly betrayed me whenever he said that he loved me and I was such a fool that I actually believed him every time his cold gray eyes deceived me with the floral words he uttered. I have no idea what was my ranking on his list but he was the first one for me and the last one too (This thought was shaken when he left me all on my own at the eleventh hour)

 

Doubtlessly, he treated me exceptionally. He lived in the hostel of the campus as his home was situated in some other city but he would always walk me to my home which was a 15 minutes walk from the school campus. He would often slip his arm around my waist to hold me against him firmly or would hold my hand tracing my fingers gently on our way to home. Everything he did was charismatic or may be I was new to flirting even at the age of 19. We went to the cinema a couple of times together and all he did was look at me; I would punch his well-built chest muscles as I was shy but he used to sit there looking at me the entire time and laugh out loud when I used to sob gently (on an emotional scene) with my tears fluttering on my cheeks and then he would gently press his pinky finger against my cheeks to wipe away the tears. When we used to head out of the cinema, he always babbled about my red rosy cheeks – rosy was the word he used for my cheeks. He knew that if I would laugh or cry I will turn red like a tomato within a second and this was one reason he used to call me “Rose” so that he can tease me with his enthralling smile and lure me with his appealing flirtiest voice. He always encouraged my natural looks – he thought ”NO-MAKEUP”  made me stand above all the girls in our school and he repetitively mentioned how he loved me for my simplicity. His gentle kisses on my forehead when he would cup my face in his hands always enhanced my confidence and strengthened my love for him. The first time he ever kissed me on my lips was stupendous – for a moment I thought life was at a standstill as if I was drawn away from this world to the Heavens and I enjoyed a flight with angels. It was quick but this was the first time I could smell his Tony & Guy gel cream, his strong after shave and the strawberry cologne that enchanted me to remain like this forever. He was a gentleman – I realized it when he plunged his gray eyes into my chocolate brown and uttered the three magical words for the last time. Are you wondering where did he go? I don’t know myself. After our graduation, he ensured me that we would marry and he would do all he can to make me meet his parents. One day after two months he called on my landline – I ripped open my heart and started screaming at him over the receiver. I cursed him for being out of contact, for switching off his cell phone and simultaneously I cursed myself for not taking his home address, if that could have been one way to be in contact through postal cards and letters! After listening to me calmly, he uttered in the cold voice (an anonymous voice I was unaware of), “We can not work out. I think we should part our ways”. The receiver dropped from my hand and I was shaken from head to toe. I didn’t have the strength to uplift myself and I fell onto the ground when my toe hit the corner of the table and my toe-nail was scraped from the corner oozing the red liquid that was none of my concern anymore – my heart was bleeding much more than what drenched the bottom of my trousers and spilled on the floor. I got up and dug myself in bed – not just for one day but for many days that continued for several months but my mum’s patience always fed me with the stamina to bear the hardships coming my way. I tried calling him twice on the same number from where he had called but it was a local phone booth number in Edinburgh. He was sly to never leave a trace of him in my life and vanish like a shooting star.

 

A story like this or multiple stories with various differences are being heard every day by us or one of our colleagues. What do we do after hearing them? Feel pity for them?? The root of the problem in anyway does not focus on the betrayal with girls specifically but it focuses on the “STRATEGY OF A RELATIONSHIP” – there could be a guy in this girl’s place too cursing the turmoil of the past. Previously, I have been going through various blogs where girls and guys write their heart out. They believe that writing can help them with the speedy recovery; well doubtlessly this is a good idea but there are certain remedies that can help heal the open wounds or instead help you be aware of the relationships before hand.

 

There are five BEWARES I will list under their respective headings to counter once you think that the relationship you desire should be serious:

FREEDOM GRANTED:

Once you are committed, the possessiveness should be under control. Let the other person breathe at least. Life and love is not about tying your loved ones instead the more you allow freedom the more trust is promoted within a relationship. Suspicion should be kept aside as this is one tool that should never be used throughout the life time.

 

SOCIAL CIRCLE IS NECESSARY:

There are majority of the love cases where they give up their healthy social life because the charm of each other’s arms is much more thrilling than partying out with friends on a beach party. This idea may not sound lame but once the relationship does not turn out to be long-termed, life is no less than a hell when you do not have friends around to support you. However, friends and a lover should have their respective places and the time should be accordingly divided.

ACADEMICS:

For students and teenagers who willingly involve themselves in love mantras during their studying years is not at all a good idea. There is an age and time period for everything. This love factor encourages you to compromise on the part of your academics which as a result affects your grades; hence even if a relationship is serious in your career years, make sure you have bound circle set around you or a time table to help you plan out everything requiring your immediate attention.

LOVE IS NOT LIFE:

People who can not recover over a relationship or goes in a certain painful trauma are usually the ones who are new to the world of “LOVE”. Either it may be the first time they have been serious regarding a relationship or it must have been their first long-termed relationship. Whatever the reason may be, make sure life and love are two separate key words. Love happens in LIFE. Therefore, life is a primary word and it should be lived and cherished with or without love from a lover. After all, love encounters are a part of the life time but life itself is a one-go blessing!

INVOLVE PARENTS:

Once you think that the relationship is pretty serious, involve your parents. If one side is reluctant to involve parents, make sure you get through the reason and if there is no reason then obviously there is a sour smell of your rotting relationship. Therefore, if both are willing to involve parents, this is a very good sign for a healthy relationship. The meeting of your loved one with your parents would help you take an advice from them who usually are more mature, practical and experienced regarding these matters.

REMEDIES IF YOU HAVE ALREADY BEEN DITCHED

A HEALING PEN:

Write your heart out on a piece of paper and burn the paper right in front of you or shred it into pieces. No need to keep a record of what you write and if you desire to keep a record or maintain a diary, it is ultimately as per on your own wishes. The key point is jotting down the wounds to let them heal. Once your heart is lightened from the burden of sorrow, you are good to go!

HANGING OUT:

After a break up, no one desires to expose themselves to the world of the embarrassment or rather they hate the sunshine as they believe the light of hope in their lives had vanished. In such a condition, compelling one’s self to go out and cherish nature helps in a million ways. Your mind wanders around the circumstances but nature engages your attention quite well. Even if friends are around they can be a pretty good treat too. Therefore, this compelling may sound like forcing one’s self but at the end of the day it helps you to heal fast.

THANKING THE ALMIGHTY:

In such circumstances when we are suffering of sorrow and misery, all we are capable of is cursing God. This lame act consequently reminds me of how we can stop thanking Him for ending the unpleasant trauma at an early stage and after all He is the Creator – He would never take a bad decision for us. The trust and faith in Him always is a positive vibe to continue with life cheerfully.

CRYING DOES HELP:

At times, all we would desire is to cry until our tears are dry. Do as per the desires of your heart. Cry as much as you want. It helps in reducing the burden off your heart. At the end either you would fall asleep or feel better than what you felt before. Crying your heart out is a simple yet a great remedy.

DIVERT YOUR ATTENTION:

Indulge yourself in various activities to pursue your personal interest so you are not left with the long hours thinking about the turmoil of the past. Enroll yourself to learn new interesting things, read books, paint on the canvas, make handicrafts, spend your time walking along the sea shore, doing work out and etc. In short, treat yourself with a tough routine which will help you to forget about the past readily and your attention will be diverted towards various other things of your interest.

YOGA & MEDITATION:

Yoga and mediation is a ready-made remedy. Once you know yoga, you have a good option to recover with the lightening speed and if not then enroll yourself for the yoga classes and the difference can be felt instantaneously. Yoga and meditation helps you to attain peace of mind by soothing your heart pulse and brain nerves. This automatically drives you out of the horrid trauma that is the unpleasant present of the destiny for an amusing life experiences.

LEARN THE LESSON:

Feeling betrayed by a loved one is painful. Feeling that your trust and relationship were not valued by the other person is difficult to bear but learn the lesson on your way. Betrayal teaches you not to idolize the external sources. Learn the lesson of forgiveness.  After all, life is the name of “Moving On”!

Incredible’s Credibility

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all 

“Once it happened that I was….”

Laura was interrupted by her only little angelic daughter Mary while she was communicating with one of her million fans in the same book shop; where masses have awaited her arrival from a long time since her last book broke the records claiming to be a BESTSELLER with 100,000 copies sold across the world in no time. Everyone wanted to catch a single glimpse of this beautiful saintly lady whose age was all a mystery for the exquisite world but the light lines across her cheeks and under her eyes was evident enough for her not-so-far OLD AGE prepared to embrace her anytime from now. Laura, a journalist and a columnist, working for a well known newspaper in Boston loved to share her world with her readers and so her exclusive attempt on scratching her heart out on paper in the form of a book of 472 pages was proved to be a right decision for a boost up in her career.

”Mum, can I please have your sign too?” Laura laughed her heart out and managed to convince her little angel on the matter of fact if it was okay for her to sign Mary’s home lesson diary once they drove back to home. Lately, after spending an hour or two in the same place in between her admirers, she returned back home, earlier than expected. She possessed warmth and affection for her family and home equal to that of her career and profession. She mastered the skills to balance everything in life hand in hand; there was nothing at all where her expertise had failed. Simply, Laura was a versatile woman who knew she had to jog in the morning, work out in the evening, be punctual at work, respond to her fans in due time, perform house chores and give all her remaining valuable time in the proper upbringing of the little Laura growing up under her nose. The sole reason why her home was yet a home, though being run by a celebrity was, her ultimate struggle to place her family before her promising future. This was the single handed answer to the bliss prevailing in her cozy abode.

She overlooked the lush green plains and vigilantly observed the sun ruling each and every bit of the land bathing the world with its dazzling ray beams addressing the mass about the functional importance of hope in life; which can be bitter or sweet simultaneously. The blue sky appeared like the protecting shield for Mother Earth, the squeaking birds seemed like speaking a valid language which could be deciphered by her and the world felt contracted as if nothing exists but only her home in space where she have to live isolated from the world till eternity. Her imaginary world was erupted once at a sudden when memories broke off in between leaving her body numb and mind hysterical, the past shook her from head to toe which reminded her of the accident that ruined her world partly, snatching away her finest possession and blessing in a heartbeat. She knew that she could never see him again and that they will now meet in Heaven only but there was dark side of her that regretted his departure from this universe leaving her forlorn and bare handed. Laura was thrown back in the present from those brutal memories that haunted her every now and then when she found herself trembling. She moved away from the window and seated herself in an arm chair soothing her pulse so as to regain the peace of mind. Laura, though missed her husband, but at the same time was thankful to Almighty for the everlasting sign of her husband in the form of Mary, she could still feel him compelling her to pursue the path of her desires. Laura sensed anxiety, uneasiness, stress and strain as if something worse was to be happening in near future. She neglected the uprising discomfort ruining her peace of mind and opted to meander more independently leafing through the GOLDEN REGISTERS, recalling her good times and bad times with him. Suddenly her heartbeat quickened and her racing heart shot for the moon when she realized why she was missing him so much. It was HIS day, his birthday, the day when his mother held him in her arms for the first time caressing and stroking him, realizing the gem in her hands she was blessed with. The tranquility and harmony in the room entertained her with his invisible presence, she could feel his hands over hers encouraging her to follow the same pathway leading to the achievement of the desired dreams, she dreamt as an adolescent. She could feel his gaze upon her encouraging her solace splendor, she could feel his lips on her ear lobe whispering how much he loved her and will continue to until FOREVER.

”Mum, mum, mum!!! Are you listening to me?”, Marry cried on the top of her voice.

Laura was set back from the fast track drive of delusion when her daughter applied brakes to the rushing memories dissolving her in the solution of PAST. She smiled when she saw Mary in front of her, the little reporter she had in her home who bombarded her with plenty of questions in a bit of every second.

”Mum, what do you think more often?”

Laura shifted in bed, sitting with an upright posture so that Mary could rest her head in her welcoming lap. Laura stroked her hair trying to hide her trembling hands which merely expressed her distressed state and the inexorable war with her delusions even now, with Mary around her.

”Honey, mum have to think about everything; like you think about school, mum have to think about various things at a time”, Laura said gently.

”But mom, I don’t have to stand by my window to think about school”, Mary answered instantaneously. Laura faked a smile and kissed Mary on her forehead.

”When you will reach my age, these fields will attract you more than a couple of Barbie dolls and stuff toys in your room.”

”Mum, when you were in school, were you a lot famous like today?” Mary asked innocently adjusting herself in the bed.

Laura wondered how her 9 year old daughter makes her speechless with every other question more startling than the previous one.

”No baby, instead I never had friends. No one liked to be around me”, Laura blurted out absently.

”Mum, were they jealous that how you will become a celebrity one day?”

”Hons, its mum’s turn now! How can you frame such questions that relate me to…….”

Before Laura could complete her sentence, her cell phone beeped indicating a text message that reminded her how she had to go to a party today that was kept by her colleagues to celebrate her recent success, the award she got as a best columnist from The Times OF Boston.

”Come on baby, it is time for you to go to bed. You can continue your interview tomorrow, on the way to school, madam”, Laura remarked sarcastically.

This time, both of them laughed hard until they gave up in Mary’s bed where Laura hummed a lullaby and Mary was asleep in the matter of few minutes. Laura wore stunning black attire and just after few minutes she was found in her garage opening the door of the driver seat of her Mercedes and pulling the car on the street and driving all the way to The Resort, the venue of the party!

Apparently, she appeared to be in the state of mere ecstasy but behind the curtains was an explicit sorrow that no one can feel or see except of herself. She felt doomed at times when she had to believe that the man, who vowed to keep her happy for lifetime on 10th February 2001 (their wedding day) was no more in this world to keep the promise he made 11 years back, he was no more to uplift her in the difficult times instead he left her in the midst of life to struggle for owning bliss when she knew that happiness would never open its arms to embrace her cause she had abandoned that path a long time before. She wandered wildly in every bit of her head to explore the reason for the flabby smile she needed to paint on her lips for the world; no one realized how exhausted she was to keep faking the same smile when underneath the thorns clutched her firmly that she succumbed every incoming breath because her heart and soul always contradicted with each other, she was deceiving the entire WORLD.

However, lost in her own world, she lost the control over the convertible and her vision blurred. Within a minute, she had no control over herself as well. Her clammy hands went numb, her legs were trembling and tears were streaming down her eyes. She didn’t stop DRIVING. This time, everything vanished; she did not want to regain her senses and Almighty listened to her. It was very late this time when she realized that her convertible had hit the trunk of a huge tree and blood splashed coloring the windshield red. The bonnet was smashed and the car was totally wrecked from the front, she didn’t lose her conscience by that time. Soon enough she heard a BANG and was thrown out of the car. This warrior lady was still breathing in spite of her face being caked with blood and her dress being all drenched in the same fluid. She smiled, this time genuinely. May be this time, she could see the angels along with Adam. May be this time, she knew she will attain eternal happiness. Laura felt her soul descending for the astral journey when she finally voice her thoughts huffing and puffing, smiling elegantly,

”Thank you, Thank you for making things easier for ME.”

”Granny, did she die?”, John broke the silence.

”Well, I told you the whole story, now you have to think about it dear.”, granny responded sleepily.

Granny walks out of the room, leaving John with Laura’s baffling words echoing in his head which leads him to end up in bed dreaming about a mysterious beginning again, that will be made into a story by granny the following night.