Diary of Nobody -VI-

Goodbyes and I get along very well — to an extent that I believe we are synonymous.

Once you told me: “Their loss if they don’t want to do anything with you. You are one of your very own kind — I don’t expect them to understand you.”

Now that you’ve said your last good-bye, what should I believe? That it’s your loss? That you didn’t understand me either? I don’t think so.

I was always a “misfit”. The society didn’t accept me for who I was. They wanted to mould me into somebody they would be pleased to interact with. I was not convinced to give myself up and I became a rebel. Being rebellious taught me a life-long lesson that I love to preach now: question everything (even an answer). It taught me the difference between right and wrong (something people don’t seem to understand for they are so busy blindly following the so-called ‘world trend’). They complained that I looked at things differently. They tried to silence me by bullying me. God knows how they felt about their failure after failure for I came stronger every time they made an aggressive move against me. They wanted to get rid of me and I made it my mission to ensure that they should never achieve their goal.

However, then you came along. Apparently, I was told that you liked me for me. You liked me for having a “voice” this world desperately needed. You liked me for having “questions” to challenge life on every step of my journey. You liked me for having an “aura” that was ever too visible. You liked me for having a compassionate “soul” that instantly connected with you. You liked me for my “smile” which in your opinion was evergreen. You always told me what you liked about me but how come you never stated one darn thing that led you to eventually dislike me? Was my “voice” too ground-breaking for you? Were my “questions” unanswerable and frustrating? Did my “aura” became invisible with time? Did my soul connected too much with you? How did my “evergreen smile” faded like an autumn breeze?

You had your mind and heart set on me and all you wanted was for me to make you the center of my world sooner or later. Why did you have to leave when all you ever wanted was in the palm of your hand? Or is it that I was always the “unwanted”?

I am bound to stitch,
The wounds we gave birth to,
I am bound to revive,
The dreams we shattered,
I am bound to adore,
The memories we shared together,
I am bound to live you,
For the rest of my life.

Happy International Women’s Day 2015!

Google honors the women – Happy International Women’s Day 2015!

I don’t usually celebrate the international women’s day because there should never be only one day to celebrate women of the world. I am a woman and I know what it means to be a woman. It means that ‘everybody expects a lot from me’. I am not joking; 21^st century presents women like they have never been presented before. They are the bread-earners, the house-makers, the child-bearers and basically they are running this world but how this world treats them is awfully saddening. I come from an eastern background where people have the mind-set of a typical male-dominant society. Of course, there is a difference between educated and uneducated people (just to not offend anybody, there is a difference between socially aware and socially unaware people). The problem is that the difference seems to be increasing with a fast pace just like how the difference between rich and poor is increasing in these third world countries. By having a color television set in your house, you are not completely aware of the difference between right and wrong. Media is a powerful weapon in today’s world but they don’t know how to execute themselves in the right manner. They think that by reporting people about ‘everything’, they are doing their job. The problem with the media is that they don’t seem to have a neutral tone. They are biased which gives them the upper-hand to make people believe what they want them to believe. Apparently, media is only teaching the people to criticize everything and take no responsibility on their own shoulders (You can only preach what you practice – Story of Media’s life). For example: people complain that the city is not clean; instead of taking the first step towards a greener and cleaner city by not making roads and streets your personal trash bin, these people will blame the government in every possible way. Hypocrisy at its best!

Going back to the women’s day, I want to share a small story. Our house-maid back in my country is a mother of five children. Her husband earns half or less the amount she makes by cleaning houses. Sometimes she complains about being the victim of domestic violence even when her income is mainly running their house. Her husband does a day-to-day basis job which means that if he gets to work on the site, he gets the wage and if not then he doesn’t get anything. The woman instead earns a monthly income. As a mother, she is always worried about her children. As a wife, she is always worried about the work of her husband. As a woman, she is always worried about if she is making enough sacrifices to make things better for her family. Despite of her being the stronger pillar of their house, her man gets the upper hand. Bull-crap. My point is that I am not a feminist (because somehow I feel like feminism is more about degrading men than fighting for equality – no offence) but I believe in gender equality. Mostly, I believe in giving women the honour and respect they deserve. I believe that today’s woman is neither superior nor inferior to men in any way. I believe that men and women are all the same.

I want to address an issue that has been bothering me for a while now. Rape, it is! Rape has become a huge problem of the society. The disclaimer is that I am not going to only talk about ‘India’ while discussing rape. However, starting from India, BBC has published a documentary where they have interviewed one of the six rapists of a very viral Delhi-Bus-rape-case only to hear the criminal saying that ‘a girl is far more responsible for rape than a man’ because by being out of the house at 9 in the night, they are “presenting” themselves for rape. The man also said that ‘When being raped, she shouldn’t fight back. She should be silent and allow the rape’. This man’s death sentence is on appeal but after this interview where he showed no remorse instead blamed the victim, I don’t know what the courts of India are waiting for? Hang him up already (Nobody gets to tell me that he have human rights because I believe if he didn’t respect another person’s human rights, his human rights are void). If he is alive and have the courage to give such an interview, it encourages all the other people of his mentality to do whatever they want because they kind of know that they can get away with anything — just blame it all on the victim (The views of the educated class like the lawyer that defended this rapist will further surprise you if you read the article). Justice will always be served steaming hot! 

Ruling India out of the equation, recently an eighteen year old girl was raped in Leeds while waiting for her bus in the city center (Women raped waiting for bus was ‘attempted murder’). The police said that at the time of the rape (which was around 11 p.m.); the location where it happened seemed to be busy. Hence, they are asking for witnesses to come forward. I mean, who in the world don’t raise a voice when they see such an outrageous act in public. The girl suffered head and hip injuries and was left to die. What in the name of God is happening on Earth?

I understand the problem of India: it’s education. A 50-year-old man was raping an unconscious injured cow (yes, the same cow he has been taught to worship) using coconut oil as a lubricant (Man has Sex with Injured Cow Using Coconut Oil as Lubricant). The problem with East is that barbarism and illiteracy still prevails (because of rural areas, mainly). Also, what I was taking about earlier fits in here very well: social awareness. People are not aware of their rights and duties. People are blindly following the society; they don’t believe in analyzing and looking into the situation themselves. They don’t want to be the odd one out to try to fix the wrong. They don’t want to try to change themselves. They don’t want to lead the change to be a role-model for the society. They fail to realize that anybody can be a trend-follower but it takes a lot to become a trend-setter.  However, what is the problem of England? It’s a developed country. It’s a country where we will expect people to be socially aware of their rights and duties then how come nobody stopped that man from brutally raping a young girl? Something is wrong with us (humans) then. I feel like somehow the more this issue is reported by the media all across the world, the more it is being encouraged than being discouraged. Otherwise, why are the reports of rape only seem to increase?

This year, on this international women’s day, I only want to tell everybody that the woman who only knows to give; she should be the recipient of your honor, love, respect, care and admiration. I am not saying that women are the embodiment of absolute perfection instead as a woman; I am telling all the conservative/modern people out there that a man and a woman in today’s world are no different. Raise your voice for gender equality; raise your voice for the women rights. I wonder why we use a ‘He’ for God when ‘His’ love and compassion is usually compared to mothers. Why do we not respect women when it is said that Heaven lies under the feet of your mother? Why are women fighting for equality when Nature itself has already regarded her far more superior? I am proud to be a woman.

I thank mama and moi for being such an inspiration to help me be a better woman. I wish I had words to express my gratitude to these two beautiful women but for now ‘I love them both very much’ will work.

There is an old poetry I would like to share in this post:

When your eyes open for the first time;
The hands of a woman wrap you in Thyme.

When your heart beats to make a sound,
The ears of a woman are on your chest to be found.

When your lips play with a radiant smile,
Take a glimpse of the parched lips of a woman for a while.

When your tear-filled eyes spill a drop,
This woman upholds your pain to stop.

When your comrades forget to play,
This woman clasps you in her arms and sway.

When oodles of your work is undone,
This woman stays by you until the rising sun.

When your life shuffles happiness to invite sorrow,
This woman representing purity desires to borrow.

When you are lonesome and forlorn,
There is a blissful woman with you to mourn.

This woman is your mother, sister, daughter or wife,
The existent support and comfort throughout your life.

---

Article Links & Photo Sources:
Delhi Bus Rapist Blame his Victim in Prison Interview
Woman Raped Waiting For Bus was ‘Attempted Murder’
India: Man has Sex with Injured Cow using Coconut Oil as Lubricant

First Picture: https://www.google.co.uk
Second & Third Picture: https://www.globalunison.wordpress.com

Diary of Nobody -II-

Today I woke up with a pain in my chest, mainly on the left side. You must have been missing me. Does she not take care of you like how I used to? Does she not put your clothes out on the bed while you are in the shower so you don’t have to fish through the cupboard? Does she not prepare breakfast for you before you have to leave for work? Does she even know that you love to eat vegetable-cheese omelette in the breakfast? Does she know that you are allergic to any kind of household work? Does she love you the way I do?

You remember when the first time we moved in together, you told me to never toast bread in the toaster for you. You always liked to make toasts on the pan. I would grease the pan with butter and then spread butter on both sides of the bread and make a golden brown toast for you. You would get annoyed if the corners of the toast were burnt but when I would offer to make another one, you’d always refuse and tell me that you enjoy the crispy corners. I would smile to myself and think that you were the most terrible liar I knew. Over the time, I learnt that if I had burnt the toast, I should make a new one without asking you. You were all about formalities although eventually you would agree for what you want but formalities were necessary in your book of code and conduct. You had to pretend to care to make me feel good and once you were done making me feel special, you’d be like, ‘You’re the wife, know your role.’ I could never stop laughing after that.

The omelette was your favorite in the breakfast (of course with lots of chopped green chillies and red chilli flakes). You always liked it if I would not break the omelette on the pan while flipping it. With time, I mastered that art and I thought of myself as the best omelette chef in the world. You loved my cooking. When I would bring our breakfast in the room; you would once in a while surprise me with a clean and tidy bed. You knew I had a thing for the bed. I always wanted the bed to be made and be clean and tidy. However, you wouldn’t always do it. Your idea was that when I expected it, it shouldn’t be done but when I didn’t; you would make the bed. Your inconsistency and spontaneity always caught me. I remember how you used to look at my disappointed face when the bed was not made and to tease me further, you would put your arms around me from behind, giggle and whisper in my ear that you love to surprise me and watch my expressions. I wonder how we knew each other so well. I wonder how you could ever leave when you told me you saw your God in me.

I loved those times even better when you’d have to go early to work and then return by mid-day. I always liked to wake up with you and see you off (maybe that’s why you always told me that I was the perfect wife-material). When you had to go early, you preferred drinking juice instead of eating breakfast in the morning. However, when it was time for you to return after few hours, I would prepare breakfast for you. I loved to wait on you and would always be looking for you from our apartment’s window (imagine me and my race: kitchen and room, kitchen and room – Such a restless soul). Usually, you’d have the key of the apartment so when you would return; you wouldn’t go to the room (to keep your bag and stuff) or use the toilet (even though sometimes you had to use the toilet very bad because you didn’t like to use public toilets) but you would straight away come to the kitchen, hug me from behind and kiss my mouth. That was your routine. Sometimes, you would be running to the toilet after kissing me to get relieved but the kiss was necessary before anything. It was amazing how I would forget to kiss you at times before leaving the house but you would never forget to kiss my mouth. Do you ever wonder how it would feel to kiss me again? Do you ever wonder how my mouth will taste now — Heartache Berry or Emotional Cherry?

You were very self-conscious about your bad breath, even with me. You had to mouthwash before going to bed every night. Although, you couldn’t ever escape it completely because when you’d wake up and kiss my mouth unconsciously after wishing me a good morning in the bed, it was always too late for you to realize that you have kissed me without brushing your teeth or using mouthwash. I want to confess something today: I loved to kiss you better in the morning than in the night.

Every morning, I wake up with a part of you: sometimes your kiss and sometimes your scent; sometimes the hollow spaces in my heart that your absence fills and sometimes with your picture in my hand. Now that I have written this; I know why I woke up with a pain in my chest today. I might have missed on some part of you this morning and my heart couldn’t allow that injustice with you and your memories.

The flavor of love,
Is it vanilla or chocolate?
The cravings in love,
Are they bitter or sweet?
All that I know about love,
It begins and ends with you,
It’s the flavor of your tongue,
The scent of your body,
The sound of your voice,
The touch of your hand,
The sight of your utmost beauty.

Day 14: If you won the Lottery..

Lottery eh? It’s an interesting thought.

I will give the money to my parents. Period.

Probably, I’d like to thank God by taking a portion out of it and spending it on charitable purposes. I believe that whatever we have, we owe some part of it to the less fortunate as humanity is all about caring and brotherhood — world-is-one-big-family concept. Although, if the money is given to my parents, that’s the first thing they’d do as well given my knowledge.

Until next time, Live, Love, Inspire & (don’t forget to) Smile. Believe in yourself and you can conquer all your fears.

Beyond Betrayal

I surrender to the voice of your heart;
Hold me tight till death do us part!

I am tired of pretending that everything is fine;
There are deep scars behind this smile of mine.
I am over-thinking and playing with insanity in my head;
I am wide awake but my body is sleeping instead.
“I want to talk it out”, you screamed;
I stayed quiet and guide you through my thoughts as it seemed.
You penetrate through the cells of my mind;
My body’s alert with its defense guarded in case you’re left behind.
As my system senses an intruder within;
It shuts down immediately before it could sin.
I hear your voice echoing in my brain;
As my body experiences shock and strain.
My immune system is ashamed and has no other choice;
My body is already losing its voice.
What about my heart; will it stop beating?
Will you be satisfied now that finally God and I will be meeting?
Now that I know my body betrayed me;
Destined to be dead, destined to be free.

Happy Mothers Day (UK Version)

My super-mum when she was super-young!

I have grown up celebrating “Mothers Day” on the second Sunday of May since ever but this time there is a twist in the story. I realized that England celebrates its mother’s day on the second Sunday of March and so I decided there is no harm in celebrating mother’s day twice a year instead it is a TREAT (for my mother specifically). But there is a villain to this story too and that is “Time”. My mother isn’t with me today (in England) and so she wont be on the Mother’s day in May though I know that regardless she wont be physically with me, her love and prayers are always with me.

The hustle and bustle in the stores, grocery markets (Especially Card Factory) on this very weekend is worth mentioning. People choosing cards for their mommy, granny etc and I felt miserable and happy at the same time. Happy for many would have their mothers right with them to cherish this special  day and miserable cause I was jealous or rather envious – I was envious of their happiness.

Mothers are the embodiment of God on this planet(at least that’s what I’ve believed for ever). There are no adjectives that can describe how great a mother is but we can always try – try to tribute her and make her feel special; not on just one special day but every day in our very own way. She should know that she is always cherished, her presence is a significant trademark in our lives, love for her is eternal and even if it is that we have to present our lives at stake to honor her, we will!

This woman who we call our “Mother” starts to feel us way too before we become tangible for her. She knows us well enough even before giving birth to us. Those nine months are her celebration, she counts down to the big day when she could finally touch her baby. The baby she had been awaiting since long when every day was a pain blended with happiness. She protects her baby for life exactly like her womb has protected the baby for nine months. Our mums are all the very same in a very different way. Some are strict, some are lenient, some are emotional, some are harsh and the list goes on but what unites them is they all love us – just enough that even if the whole world hates us, her love would be sufficient for the warmth and care needed.

These two ladies are the most beautiful beings on earth!
My mommy and sissy ❤

My mom is a super-mom! Incredibly loving, caring, cheerful, emotional, compassionate, fierce, patient, kind, generous, warm-hearted, strong, beautiful, wise, my mentor, my bestie and the list goes on and on until I conclude it – she is a role model for me and I would always want to be a mother like her. I am very fortunate to have her in my life. The distance over the time has taught me many lessons. I wake up to my ringing alarm clock in the morning and miss looking at her angelic face for the very first thing in morning. I eat yogurt every morning and would buy her favorite cereal “Weetabix” cause I miss arguing over the breakfast with her that I don’t like eating yogurt or Weetabix for breakfast no matter how nutritious it is. I miss our “girlie” conversations and gossips. I miss when nobody is there to see me off when I leave for school. I miss her teasing me over my so-called big nose. I miss her calling me those nick names when I’d get real annoyed to attack her and she’d tickle me despite of the fact she knows that I am not ticklish. I miss cooking and baking with her when I’d be giving her tips on fashion and fitness and she’d be telling me to focus on cooking before she could smell something burning. I miss those long nights when she would toss and turn in bed cause something is bothering her and all she would need is a good massage, a considerate ear and a hot cup of milk and when I’d do it for her, she’d kiss my forehead and would tell me that I am her princess. I miss when she’d pinch me when I am on the verge to spit out her secret(unintentionally) in front of my dad. I miss her confused expressions while I’d teach her to use laptops, smart phones or even an I pod. I miss “HER”. I have realized her importance in my life even more in these few months while I have been away from her. She is my lovely mommy and I miss her every day and every night and I know she misses me way more than I can ever miss her but we love each other the most.

Find some time to spend  with her and let her know that you love her cause the arms of the clock would never turn back and the last thing you’d ever want to do on this planet would be “Regret”. Love her, respect her, honor her and make her feel special before it’s too late. Tell her she is your super-mom and your life may be super-busy and super-occupied but you always have some super-time every day for your super-mom! Cheers!

Perfection Is Imperfection!

Who in the world doesn’t desire perfection? Who in the world could see through perfection? Who in the name of GOD could ever claim anything perfect without knowing the criteria for perfection? The sole question that pops in an individual’s head after reading these questions is “WHAT IS PERFECTION?” What if I say, I have changed the definition of perfection? The dictionary meaning of PERFECTION is “the condition, state, or quality of being free from all flaws or defects” and I term these so called irrevocable, irremediable and irreversible flaws the valid state of perfection.

Life is a short journey, this world is a transitory abode and we serve as an engine to this world contributing in running the mechanism of this vast universe. Everyday, hundreds are embraced by their departure and hundreds are welcomed warmly by the brutal reality of the vivid deceiving colors of this dual universe. This arrival and departure is a tradition – a custom from ages. Everyone has to abandon this ephemeral period, one day or the other. Since we know how one day our soul will descend back to the eternal abode to salvage liberty and freedom (which it is lusting since it was incarcerated in human body), then we ought to be aware of the art of mastering the skills to direct the soul prevailing in the human skeleton according to our very own free-will. The proficiency with which one copes with hypnotizing his soul is, in reality, the Meta-state of PERFECTION.

Hence the equations that have been derived are:

Perfection = Irreversible flaws entertaining experience

Perfection = The capability of directing the captivated soul according to your own free will

Therefore the two equations thus combined, gives the result:

Irreversible flaws entertaining experience = The capability of directing the captivated soul according to your own free will

Hence the derived equation is the desired result for attaining PEREFCTION in this abode. Flaws and errors help you flourish, specifically when they are irreversible, they leave burning scars which are comprehended as the scars of regret by the imprudent masses but usually it is not the fire of regret that is tearing your soul apart but it is the piquant flavor of experience that causes sores on your character so as the matter of fact that you can heal and accumulate wealth of never ending experience within the time it takes for your recovery. Likewise, the concept of scheming the imprisoned soul and directing it on the path of your free-will is one of the victories that is difficult for even saintly people to attain in due time, especially when it is related to this conspiring world. This hypothetically signifies how one does not have to serve the desires taking birth one after the other at the pace of light like a nuclear chain reaction but instead be contented in what he possesses. Therefore if he is pleased enough to rule the verdict of his desires rather than serving them, then he has already attained perfection; the day gluttony and lust is soaked out of the human soul, it becomes a new-born baby possessing the virtues that makes it no less than any perfect embodiment. 

18 Days Ago…..

Background: This is dedicated to my dearest buddy and uncle namely PG! He has always been a great teacher to me and his experiences have always been a ROLLER COASTER RIDE to guide me through different courses of life. His advices turn out to be SUNSHINE in the dark exigent world of grief, sorrow and chaos. His amiable ways enchant me under his spell and he has an ever lasting impression in just one glance that leaves me wondering if it was him on which this phrase came into existence that “FIRST IMRESSSION IS THE LAST IMPRESSION”! I miss you and I love you!! Hope you come back soon with more of your fascinating and motivating experiences in order for me to progress in every phase of my life!

Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.

Once upon a time………

Like every other story, it’s also a “ONCE UPON A TIME” story. My life was driving smoothly to its destination but the smooth and straight paths never preach us the sole reason of our survival so a turning edge changes the present and leave you with a lesson for future.

This incident is very close to my heart and its not that ancient for which I have to use “ONCE UPON A TIME” but its due to my belief that when despair, pain and suffering turn their back to us, we have to await their return for an EXPERIENCE RIDE once again, and in this case the only way we can expect it again, is to forget the previous wounds and let others leave their scars.

The 18 days were agonizing as the river changed its course surging my fate and turning me in to all over a new leaf. The sun of 7th February was not the golden globe with its endless shimmering beams, but a dark sky where stars were scarcely visible. I could foresee the day when in the later afternoon, I was manacled and my possessions were confiscated. This overcast, doubtlessly, astounded me but as I was certain of my actions and accomplishments, and the fact that I was an immigrant there, made me swallow the occasion pretty well down my esophagus.They started their investigation according to their rules and regulations but I was least concerned of their attempts because I had my lucky charm “RUDRAKSHA” with me. Perhaps, this lucky charm was evenly an excuse to gratify my pulse but the sole reason why my breaths were still steady, my heart wasn’t racing and the depression, anxiety, despair and misery maintained the equal distance, was the faith in MYSELF which lead to more firm faith in GOD!

In these 18 days of investigation, they kept me in their custody. I had to bypass different kind of people, situations and circumstances. Everything was challenging and demanding but I let the things to create their own way without indulging myself in any of the complications and to my surprise, my strategy worked! If ever I used to feel forlorn and solitude encircled me, the presence of God enlightened my soul and I abandoned the heart ache, letting my body rest in the lap of joy, bliss and ecstasy. The days passed by with the slower pace than usual, strengthening my belief in myself and God’s munificence and benevolence.

Finally, I was out in the vivid dazzling afternoon of 24th February where sun glistened over my head, flashing the yellow light all over my body, decontaminating my soul and I felt like an infant! Breathing in fresh air, wandering on streets and the vibrant freedom flooded my body with glee and joy, and the patience with which I worked was proved a milestone.

The hardships in these 18 days are nevertheless of no good to mention here, because bad time can never be shared, it can only be experienced but the reason why I wrote this is, to covey a simple yet pivotal lesson that I learned in this short span of time that, anything can be achieved if we have faith in ourselves and trust in God, for whatever He is doing is for our benefit and to improve our lifestyle. He is Almighty and knows us better than anyone, because He is our Creator. Patience plays a great role in evading the hardships and misery, happiness can follow us anywhere if we allow it to chase us.  

“Failures and breakdowns preach us the path to success and the huddles in between, so called EXPERIENCES; motivate us to chase our goal to live in ecstasy, if not forever, then for the time being.”