Sometimes..

Sometimes silence speaks louder than words,
Sometimes tears stain the stronger than the weak,
Sometimes the stars sparkle brighter than the sun,
Sometimes distance unites than divide,
Sometimes the lies are simpler than the truth,
Sometimes grief is much more contagious than a smile,
Sometimes living in the present is more difficult than planning a tomorrow,
Sometimes survival is much less destructive than surrender,
Sometimes just sometimes,
Love does not cause sorrow,
Hope is not a delight,
Pain is not a curse,
Time is not cruel,
Failure is not trying,
Happiness is not fatal,
Sometimes just sometimes,
One moment can last a forever.

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Note: I am off for a vacation and I am not sure if I will have access to internet but I will try to catch up on your lovely blogs whenever I can. I don’t promise anything but I will try my best to write and share the little moments I enjoyed best during my trip. Love to you all. Until next time, live, love, Inspire & (don’t forget to) smile. Believe in yourself and you can conquer all your fears. Laters. 

Hide and Seek

Beauty is not her face,
It is her thoughts,
The pain she hides behind her smile,
The tears she saves for the night,
Strength is not her physical capacity,
It is her willpower,
The battles she survived,
Those choices she made,
Wisdom is not her education,
It is her insight into life,
To allow herself the right to have an opinion,
To have the courage to be herself,
Success is not her wealth,
It is her happiness,
The motivation to achieve her goals,
The confidence to pursue her dreams,
Tears are not her weakness,
They are her language,
Whether sorrow or joy,
She takes refuge in them,
But did you ever see her bruised insides,
When she was hung over a lost lover,
And did you ever see the glow in her eyes,
When she had overcome her fears,
So she has been playing hide and seek,
For quite a while now,
You don’t always see what she feels,
Instead you have been looking at a world,
She created so it doesn’t reveal,
The mask she has been wearing to conceal,
Everything she truly is,
For she is scared that you will judge,
Her scarred soul and her intricate heart,
So don’t hate her,
Just let her be,
And set her free.

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Born to Die

Flying in the air for days,
He forgot there existed a land,
Fighting the battles in haze,
He forgot he was a man,
Living every day like it’s the last one,
Chasing happiness and misery all along,
He forgot to remember,
The feel of life, the touch of a mortal,
The essence of true love, the joy of giving,
The audacity to forgive, the promises to get by,
He forgot to remember,
He was a man born to die.

Diary of Nobody -XI-

Just because there wasn’t a forever with you – I feel there can never be one.

While our song plays on the radio tonight, I slip in and out of reality making emptiness and nothingness my peers along the way. I am numb to the emotions of life for now. Lately, I have been thinking about you a lot more than usual and it’s intriguing and confusing at the same time. Why can’t you just leave me alone?

I went for a stroll this morning. There were barely any cars out on the road at that hour and the sun was beginning to rise. I liked the city better at this time when it was quiet and peaceful. I inhaled the beauty of the serenity surrounding me and it was in a long while that I didn’t need music to accompany me. Usually, I disconnect myself to drown out the voice of the world with a pair of headphones and my music playlist but today I was trying my best to connect with the same world. I was cherishing the birds singing their songs in the distance. I hummed along with them but the morning was not the same after you had crossed my mind. Suddenly, I was taken back in time (just like that). I wanted to tuck my hand in the pocket of your coat so our fingers could be entwined while we walked.

I was wandering in the valley of our memories, far from reality. She held my hand and brought me back to face the real world. I looked down at this little four-year-old girl pulling down on my sweater’s sleeve. Your name escaped my lips and you were not a secret anymore. I didn’t realize that I had been crying until she pointed it out and demanded a reason for my tears. I panicked and ignored her question and became anxious if she had been out at this hour all by herself.  I breathed a sigh of relief when I heard her call out ‘Daddy, Look I am here’ to a man standing not more than ten steps away with his back facing us looking around for her.

I smiled at her and assured her I was fine. She couldn’t help being the usual quick-witted kid and bombarded me with detective questions like what had I been doing there; if I had been out with my father as well; why would I cry in the middle of the street; if I was scared when she held my hand and who is ‘your name’. I was astonished when she mentioned you not because she heard your name and remembered it but because she considered you an important question-mark-to-be-answered to reveal my mysterious story.

I knelt down so that I was face to face with her. I held both her hands in my hands and told her that I didn’t have answers to her questions but I had something that she would like. I fished through the pockets of my sweater to find this toy I have had from few days ago when I went to McDonald’s. The happiness spread across her face and I witnessed a sunrise right then and there. Her father called out her name again and she responded back with ‘I am coming’.

Before I realized, she hugged me tightly. I knew this was a goodbye hug. Overtime, I have become an expert in knowing how these hugs feel.

“I really like you. Will you like to be my friend? I don’t have many friends”, she whispered in my ear while hugging me.

Before I could respond, she continued: “I can be better than ‘your name’ and then you wouldn’t miss him.”

The tears rolled down my cheeks again and I whispered back that I would love to be her friend. She kissed me on my cheek and ran in the direction of her father.

The man politely smiled at me while she climbed on the shoulders of her father and waved me goodbye with a smile that will stay with me for the rest of my years.

I made my way back to the apartment while I mourned over this short-lived friendship. For the first time since I have known you, I realized I had confided in somebody other than you.

Diary of Nobody -VII-

“You are ‘the one’. I cannot ask for anything more from Him now that I have been blessed with you. Please don’t ever leave me because if you ever did, you will take my life away with you. I love you with all my heart and soul.”

I wonder where I went wrong.  From ‘You are my life’ to ‘I want nothing to do with you anymore’ – what happened in the gap between those statements? If my memory serves me right, I became only better with time. Apparently being ‘too nice’ can drive a man away (beware good-girls!). It was your guilt, wasn’t it? I was being the best you could ever have while you were only writing ‘The End’ to our story. Often you lost temper because of the same reason but how come you never asked me to stop being me if the guilt was eating you away? Can you tell me now who loved who ‘truly’ in our relationship?

Suffering and pain – there are no boundaries to confine the idea of what pain is. I believed that pain had a ‘breaking-point’ only to realize that there are no limits to pain (as far as personal-experimenting is concerned). It was more than a million times when I thought I couldn’t endure living another day but somehow always survived. It was more than a billion times when I almost gave up but somehow never quit. It was more than a trillion times when I thought to myself that sorrow would kill me but somehow it always ended with the revival of happy-times. I only became stronger and with time the pain had nothing on me. The same theory of ‘limitlessness’ applies to happiness too. We can never pass the threshold of suffering or happiness because as long as we are breathing, it is symbolic of life and there are no extremes known to the concept of life. Death can seal this but let’s not go there.

After an absolute random ranting about my perplexed philosophies, I want you to know that I might have suffered a lot because of you and might continue to (for God knows how long) but you only helped me nurture into a strong woman I am today. Thus, I can only be grateful to you babe. Thank you for scarring me. Thank you for the bruises. Thank you for the lies. Thank you for the damage. Thank you for leading me into the dark. If it was not for you then I would have never known the person I am today.

So let’s be free,
Let us see,
Where life takes us,
What we may end up to be,
But know something my love,
You have nothing on me,
Not anymore — not ever again.

Diary of Nobody -V-

Sometimes when I go back in time, it amazes me how very convinced you were with the thought of abandoning me and giving up on our relationship when we had been through so much to make ‘us’ possible. You didn’t care a darn about giving us up but you were not ready to give up on your bad habits. How can you prioritize everything in this world over me when I on the other hand always kept you and your happiness as my very first priority?

You know what’s the worst part? I am not angry with you (Yes, absurd but true). I am hurt and offended and disappointed but I am not angry. Instead, I still love you.

“It was your fault to always try to make us work. You should have not been the one picking up the broken pieces every single time. You should have kicked me out of our house.”

You said that trusting you entirely and blindly was my only flaw and that I  should have been more alert. I apologize babe because I was too busy making you happy that I forgot that I had to play a psychotic-spy-wife role where I had to tap your phone and check your emails.  I might have taken it too far with respecting your privacy and personal space but what did you mean when you said that I should have been more ‘alert’? What in the world did you wanted me to do? I will tell you something about trust that you have never been told before: You trust somebody completely or you don’t trust them at all, period.

They tell me to forget you – how does one erase memories? Make new memories. It hurts me to know that eventually I will have to watch you fade away in my subconscious world. But then if I have the courage to watch you leave my reality then the fading-away-business shouldn’t be so painful (just a thought, I can be wrong too).

It will take me some time to accept that my future will not have you in it – That you will live in my past.

Flawless as I may seem,
Perfection is an imperfection itself,
I may be just a sweet dream,
A living nightmare and the unheard screams.

Diary of Nobody -IV-

I have been dead busy for the past few days but there has not been a single day when you haven’t crossed my mind. I have had tutorials for every day of the past week which means a lot of reading for a law student like me. However, you distracted me a lot (I think it needs to be re-phrased)—our memories distracted me a lot. Our pictures together were even worse of a distraction. Every single time, I fell for the trap and ended up watching us in the ‘photo gallery’ of my phone. I know I should delete them already but I am not going to (not ever). I think it’s pretty clear that I am drunk on you and I rather have it that way – I don’t want to move on (oh yes, I said it!). We were so happy that it’s difficult to believe that it’s all over now. Are you ever coming back? (I’m waiting, okay babe?)

Can I tell you something? I really love you a lot – I have grown into loving you so very much that I don’t know how to not feel it anymore. I don’t know how to go back and just put a ‘full-stop’ to my feelings that I have been feeling for the past four years. It can’t be done over-night so it might be easy for you to tell me to ‘Get Over It’ but it is an absolute nightmare for me in reality. Do you even know how much it takes to get used to the idea of not having somebody you love around once you’ve already had the taste of their enchanting presence? Do you know how hollow I feel every morning when there is nobody to tease me and tell me that I am not a morning person? Do you realize that I am battling with myself every single day because I expect you to return? (Denial, yes it is! What else do you expect of me after an unexpected break-up?)

I can spare you my life; I know it’s a risk but a risk worth-taking – for our happiness. Let me be selfish for a split second: I will risk anything to achieve my happiness which belongs with you. Now that I have already been selfish, let me also be brutally honest for a split second: I experienced happiness in an unusual but possibly the best way when I was capable of living my life with you. You are great and exquisite but there is something about great things: they never come easy. May be, that’s why I have to keep ‘Trying’.

Trying to love you less,
Trying to fight this stress,
Trying to not miss your caress,
But I am high on the thought of you,
I try but my pain only knows to grow,
I shall trust time like I trusted you,
To be rewarded with broken promises,
And the dreams that would never come true.

I can try to love you less but there are no guarantees that I will succeed. Don’t blame me if I disappoint you — I apologize in advance for any inconvenience this may cause you.

I want you. Since you have left, the heartache has embraced me very willingly. Despite of the pain I have experienced after my so-called emotional meltdown, my heart still longs for you. May be it’s crazy and stupid and wild but I can’t help it if it wants you. My heart is strong enough to compromise with sorrow and grief at the moment but it’s not in the position to let go of my happiness residing in you.

Day 13: What’s your earliest memory?

I am sure I have loads of memories if I go down the memory lane but this particular one which I am going to share occurred to me as soon as I began writing this post so I I’ll go with it.

I was six and I was called along with my parents for an interview for a primary school after I had cleared their written test. I cleared the interview and was guaranteed an admission in that school. Next step was to buy the school course books. Back then, my father was struggling with his career so we weren’t that well off and our mum brought us up (especially me and my brother — the first two kids) in a way that we wouldn’t ask for anything (you know obedient children of the 20th century – always finger on the lips). Well, I saw this book ‘1000 words book’ (I was fond of reading back then too). I kept looking at that book; playing with the cover, sniffing the pages and leafing through the book. My mother noticed that I liked the book but she knew I wouldn’t say a word (I am exactly the same now, too shy to ask anything from my parents but my parents can read minds when it comes to that — fortunate me). Anyway, I didn’t realize that she bought that book along with the other school text books until I reached back home. When I saw that ‘1000 words book’ in the school bag, I rushed to my mother in excitement and hugged her. She kissed me on my forehead and then I rushed back in the room so I could be with my new book.

I just wonder sometimes that now a days, buying a 6 year old even an iPad wouldn’t bring the happiness I experienced with that book. That’s what I like about myself or that old-time: little things cheered us up.

Until next time, Live, Love, Inspire & (don’t forget to) Smile. Believe in yourself and you can conquer all your fears.

Be Inspired (Today And Everyday)

Evening People,

In this busy schedule, I am not likely to end up with a lot of time for myself or my hobbies but I try to keep pace with everything along the way. So for today, a little update from ‘Global-Unison’ or ‘Naima’ – any way you know me. 

I came across this video around a week ago and I am extremely inspired with this man’s words (Darryl Anka, a channel for an extra-terrestrial, Bashar) so I decided to share it here.

We need to remind ourselves everyday that we deserve happiness and every right to exist in this world because we are an essential part of this world. Think of this world as a jigsaw puzzle and yourself as one of the pieces of that puzzle then without you, the puzzle would not complete. Pamper yourself and let yourself be loved. Be capable of giving and receiving love, be capable of being you. I hope you all find these words inspiring too and this reminds you of how precious every second of our life is. 

Life is short, love living it and let all the odds be in your favor! 

Happy New Year!

So wait… Even before I forget what I am here for, let me say it loud! Happy New Year to my WordPress family. With law school, I feel like my life is in the fifth gear, where everything happens so fast and furious (Rest in Peace, Paul Walker). I can’t believe 2013 is already done and almost half of the month for 2014 gone as well. I wanted to do this post to shed light on what important happened in my life during 2013 despite of the fact that I have my exam tomorrow – I guess I needed a break from those thick books.

2013! I celebrated my last new year’s eve with my family back in my country unlike this year. After few days, I left for England and experienced the worst winters and snow of my life. Thanks to my immune system that I didn’t fall sick. 

I made a precious life-time friend, Syrics (Sisi) but I call her Gugu. She is one in a million. I can not go back and imagine my freshman year without her. She made sense out of my life and together we experienced and learnt a lot of stuff on our way. 

I and my family shifted to a new place back in my home country. My dad was working on that site for around 3 years and now that we have moved in there, I look forward to make as much memories as I can, when I go back during holidays.

I and Syrics no longer study together in the law school, she changed her course to Media Communication and I miss her plenty much during the lectures.

Moving out of student accommodation and living in a private accommodation is an ultimate joy. I feel like I own my place.It comes with more responsibilities but I find myself more independent and confident now. There is a tree outside my house, probably 100 to 150 years old and I call it Jade. We are best friends.

Plants vs Zombies (1 & 2) became my ultimate obsession and I can’t get over it. I am totally in love with my Zen Garden and for PvZ2, I want to hit million dollars and buy all the plants that are unlocked.

I wrote my very first legal assessed essay for Civil Justice System and in the very first shot, I secured Grade 1 that is 72%. Happiness on its peaks.

Tough luck embraced me closer to the end of the year and I had to make some tough decisions. Thank goodness everything ended well. I matured a lot during that period of time, I learn’t how crucial role the word ‘choice’ can play in one’s life.

Highlights of 2013:

Word of the year: Choice.
Strength of the year: Failure.
Color of the year: Purple/White.
Person of the year: Mom.
Love of the year: Dumbo.
Phrase of the year: For you, a thousand times over. – Khaled Hosseini.
Paragraph of the year (from a book): “She said, ‘I’m so afraid.’ And I said, ‘why?,’ and she said, ‘Because I’m so profoundly happy, Dr. Rasul. Happiness like this is frightening.’ I asked her why and she said, ‘They only let you be this happy if they’re preparing to take something from you.” – The Kite Runner.
Book of the year: The Lone Wolf.
Song of the year: Shiny Happy People by REM.
Show of the year: Prison break.
Best day of the year: May 1, 2013.
Worse day of the year: October 10 & 11, 2013.
Lesson of the year: Motherhood & Forgiveness.
Blessing of the year: Dumbo.
Support of the year: My siblings!
Traits of the year: Love & Patience.
2013 in one word: Challenging.

Looking Forward…..

For year 2014, I have come up with few resolutions that I have to keep no matter what, at least try..

1) Reduce the consumption of coke.
2) Give a break to PvZ2!
3) Take time out to travel.
4) Whenever going back home, say ‘NO’ to Emirates and try different airlines.
5) Spare my hair some space and grow my bangs.
6) Brush my teeth in night (No excuses – I don’t want all my teeth to fall out at 40).
7) Avoid ignoring messages from people and try attending calls (have to stop running away).
8) Learn to play chess.
9) Forgive & Forget (Forgive part is easy, try to apply the forget part in real life as well).
10) Get closer to Almighty and continue the journey to discover my soul.
11) Eliminate working-at-the-eleventh-hour-rule from my life.