Stench of Sorrow

The solitude embraced her,
For the longest time,
She concealed her pain with a plastic smile,
A bottle of wine and sleepless nights,
Holding onto the fragments of false hope,
And the shattering memories came flooding back,
Tearing up her heart all over again,
This night which she thought would last forever,
Surprised her with bright morning light,
Invading her mind and all her weaknesses,
So she could undo the damage that numbed her senses,
The smell of alcohol faded with the tick-tock of the clock,
But would they not be stifled by the fumes of sorrow,
The stinging wounds that could smell bitter,
Than the alcohol on her breath,
She would give them the benefit of the doubt,
And let alcohol fool them all,
For oftentimes her heart could soundlessly shout,
For oftentimes she could motionlessly fall.

Behind the Disguise

Can you slip under my skin?
Pretend to be me for a day,
To see this brutal world passing by,
Living through yet another nightmare,
Don’t you stop, you will make it out alive,
To feel the wrath in my pain,
Crawling through the ice in your veins,
Don’t you worry, my love will keep you warm,
To taste the agony in my bittersweet tears,
Dripping through your fiery eyes,
Don’t you forget, you’re wearing a disguise,
To smell the pungent vengeance in my blood,
Pumping violently through your fierce heart,
Don’t you quit, it’s just the beginning of falling apart,
To hear the noise of silence in my mind,
Embracing your demons through the night,
Don’t you fear, wait for the morning sun to shine bright,
So if you live each day like it is your last,
Aching in love and numbing the pain,
Will you dare to be me again?

Diary of Nobody -II-

Today I woke up with a pain in my chest, mainly on the left side. You must have been missing me. Does she not take care of you like how I used to? Does she not put your clothes out on the bed while you are in the shower so you don’t have to fish through the cupboard? Does she not prepare breakfast for you before you have to leave for work? Does she even know that you love to eat vegetable-cheese omelette in the breakfast? Does she know that you are allergic to any kind of household work? Does she love you the way I do?

You remember when the first time we moved in together, you told me to never toast bread in the toaster for you. You always liked to make toasts on the pan. I would grease the pan with butter and then spread butter on both sides of the bread and make a golden brown toast for you. You would get annoyed if the corners of the toast were burnt but when I would offer to make another one, you’d always refuse and tell me that you enjoy the crispy corners. I would smile to myself and think that you were the most terrible liar I knew. Over the time, I learnt that if I had burnt the toast, I should make a new one without asking you. You were all about formalities although eventually you would agree for what you want but formalities were necessary in your book of code and conduct. You had to pretend to care to make me feel good and once you were done making me feel special, you’d be like, ‘You’re the wife, know your role.’ I could never stop laughing after that.

The omelette was your favorite in the breakfast (of course with lots of chopped green chillies and red chilli flakes). You always liked it if I would not break the omelette on the pan while flipping it. With time, I mastered that art and I thought of myself as the best omelette chef in the world. You loved my cooking. When I would bring our breakfast in the room; you would once in a while surprise me with a clean and tidy bed. You knew I had a thing for the bed. I always wanted the bed to be made and be clean and tidy. However, you wouldn’t always do it. Your idea was that when I expected it, it shouldn’t be done but when I didn’t; you would make the bed. Your inconsistency and spontaneity always caught me. I remember how you used to look at my disappointed face when the bed was not made and to tease me further, you would put your arms around me from behind, giggle and whisper in my ear that you love to surprise me and watch my expressions. I wonder how we knew each other so well. I wonder how you could ever leave when you told me you saw your God in me.

I loved those times even better when you’d have to go early to work and then return by mid-day. I always liked to wake up with you and see you off (maybe that’s why you always told me that I was the perfect wife-material). When you had to go early, you preferred drinking juice instead of eating breakfast in the morning. However, when it was time for you to return after few hours, I would prepare breakfast for you. I loved to wait on you and would always be looking for you from our apartment’s window (imagine me and my race: kitchen and room, kitchen and room – Such a restless soul). Usually, you’d have the key of the apartment so when you would return; you wouldn’t go to the room (to keep your bag and stuff) or use the toilet (even though sometimes you had to use the toilet very bad because you didn’t like to use public toilets) but you would straight away come to the kitchen, hug me from behind and kiss my mouth. That was your routine. Sometimes, you would be running to the toilet after kissing me to get relieved but the kiss was necessary before anything. It was amazing how I would forget to kiss you at times before leaving the house but you would never forget to kiss my mouth. Do you ever wonder how it would feel to kiss me again? Do you ever wonder how my mouth will taste now — Heartache Berry or Emotional Cherry?

You were very self-conscious about your bad breath, even with me. You had to mouthwash before going to bed every night. Although, you couldn’t ever escape it completely because when you’d wake up and kiss my mouth unconsciously after wishing me a good morning in the bed, it was always too late for you to realize that you have kissed me without brushing your teeth or using mouthwash. I want to confess something today: I loved to kiss you better in the morning than in the night.

Every morning, I wake up with a part of you: sometimes your kiss and sometimes your scent; sometimes the hollow spaces in my heart that your absence fills and sometimes with your picture in my hand. Now that I have written this; I know why I woke up with a pain in my chest today. I might have missed on some part of you this morning and my heart couldn’t allow that injustice with you and your memories.

The flavor of love,
Is it vanilla or chocolate?
The cravings in love,
Are they bitter or sweet?
All that I know about love,
It begins and ends with you,
It’s the flavor of your tongue,
The scent of your body,
The sound of your voice,
The touch of your hand,
The sight of your utmost beauty.

You were not Sorry

Do you remember the time?
When you told me loving you was a crime,
I believed you and began to climb,
Crossing the borders,
Muddling through,
Making my way,
Establishing myself,
‘Love is fatal’, you said,
I heard you,
You disappeared one day,
There was nothing I could do,
I cried and cried,
Softly sobbing through the nights,
I cried and cried,
Shouting and struggling with all my might,
You were not sorry,
‘Cause
You left me hanging,
Left me bleeding,
Left me to rot,
You pulled yourself through,
But you forgot, my love,
That I was there with you too.

Leicester and I wish you all a very good morning and a great day ahead ❤

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Dropped Kisses

Under your boot die the dropped kisses,
A swing of your mood, and the bearer lips you bruise,
Black and blue, you make holes inside the world,
Meth & Jack Daniels, innocent dreams you ruin,

I wish you love,
I wish you heartbreak tonight,
A new morning when sky will break,
Your guns won’t mend the wreck inside,

Lacerate and connect the dots of destiny,
Gagged you, shatter the magic in love for me,
Initiate, reciprocate, poke and nudge endlessly,
Angel’s innocence you betray, their desire you hate,
but I…

I wish you love,
I wish you heartbreak tonight,
A morning when you’ll bleed and quake,
Your guns won’t mend the wreck inside,

Trust me I tried,

Beauty in those soulless eyes,
Touch of a pale cold skin,
Flare of your pretentious love,
Bluff, and you’ll see the cracks within,

I wish you lo..

Enough,
Enough,
Enough,

I can’t wish you anymore love,
And I can’t wish you any heartbreak,
One new morning when I’ll wake to the missing ache,
Your guns wouldn’t be able to wreck what had been at stake.

– This is a duet with a very talented writer, Neeraj Kumar. Don’t hesitate to check out his blog; you wouldn’t be disappointed.

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Photo Source: https://www.google.com/images

Hope is blooming (Get the most out of it!)

I haven’t felt this positive and self-assured in a long while. Though, its considerably chilly in here; weather is as usual crappy (I mean, wet and dry); long hours of university; even longer hours of reading (Law books – beyond boring) but its a perfect morning. A morning where sun may not be shining in the sky yet the hope and the joys this day can bring are endless. The mystery of how I do not know what the next moment holds within the vessel of life-time; happiness or misery – it convinces me to play this life-game in all fair means. Hope you all have a positive and productive day. Do not let “hope” slip away; this is an essential virtue that you will never want to get rid of. Cheers!

Flying in the air for days,
He forgot there existed a land,
Fighting the battles in haze,
He forgot he was a man,
Living everyday like the last one,
Chasing happiness and misery along,
He forgot to remember,
The feel of life, the touch of a mortal,
The grace of love, the passion to give,
The audacity to forgive, the promises to get by,
He forgot to remember,
He was a man, born to die.

The Mystery of Life

Before your lips flutter, 
Words you want to utter, 
Dare you not stutter, 
Think before you open your mouth, 
Think of the birds flying from North to South, 
Think of the whales underwater, 
Think of the life without death for a matter, 
Think and realize before you lose  your breath. 

Watch your words before you speak, 
Don’t be a reason for someone to be weak, 
Don’t hassle and try not to freak, 
You know the truth which they are willing to seek, 
Who says, truth is bitter? 
Prove them wrong and let your smile glitter. 

Birds are a symbol of freedom, 
A reason for the mornings to be cheerful, 
A reason for the sun to be fearless, 
A reason for the earth to be beautiful, 
A reason for the humans to learn to be blissful, 
Teaching the significance of love, unity and the charm to be graceful. 

Water is life, 
A symbol of purity, 
For marine life, an insurance of security, 
Beauty of the oceans and the creatures undiscovered, 
Praise the glory of Nature, 
When every day is a new beginning in the undercover, 
Grab the opportunity where Nature can be your lover. 
 
Death is a mystery, 
Yet life is a puzzle to solve this history, 
As you sow so shall you reap, 
Keep your nose clean while you prepare for the eternal sleep, 
Cherish every morning and the presence of sun, 
Live every moment like it’s your last and the only one. 
 
Wisdom is the daughter of experience, 
Life teaches you step by step on the way, 
Be careful as there’ll be ups and downs as you stray, 
Remain steadfast for you’re a warrior who can’t run away, 
Believe in your heart and soul – forget and forgive everyday. 
 
 

Settling into UK!

Hey ya fellas! I apologize sincerely for vanishing for a week or so but I had to or rather I put it like this that I was too much messed up in the emotional trauma that I was going through that it made it difficult for me to inform my lovely family here! I have read too many posts on Renard’s blog expressing his miserable feelings for the bloggers who vanish without explaining the cause and though I have had a sincere readership around yet I failed to inform you all and that is why I feel awful so apologies, apologies and apologies! And I hope its granted now!

My books – Business, Mathematics, English (Three subjects for this term which ends on December 7th 2012)

Now the question is where have I been? Interesting question! I am no more in my country but in England for my studies i.e my undergraduate program! The previous week was crucial! I covered 6 chapters of Business Studies and 5 chapters of Mathematics and submitted the project of Business on Friday and wrote the maths test on Thursday (which was nearly perfect!) Apart from studies which are smooth enough now after a rushing week because I arrived two weeks later than the starting date (Another story why I was late – briefly, I turned 18 in August and it took longer for my identity card to get to me and as soon as I got through it, I filed my visa and fortunately I received my visa in 5 working days!)

Clouds forming before it starts to rain or rather drizzle! I love the smoky skies in here – this place is romantic! (lol)

Settling into UK – not a problem at all! Lovely people out there in almost freezing weather and yeah romance pouring my heart with the rain tickling my face! According to me, it never rains in here instead it drizzles! I like the feeling of walking on the lonely and empty streets aimlessly trying to figure out where I have to go. I love getting lost and then finding my way back again and the sweetheart babies you see all around you; almost perfect but I miss my family terribly! The most difficult part is when you sit all alone by yourself trying to eat but you can’t cause you miss your family’s dinning table, your parent’s arguments and siblings chit chat and funny pranks! I have to cry to myself because if I will be weak, my mum will certainly be not better! My room is okay – thankfully it is my room only so I do not have to share it with anybody even being on university’s accommodation!

I carried it all the way from Morrisons to my room – those 15 minutes were hell!

Plenty of stories in my head and I want to let all of them out! My flight was 7 hours delayed and I got to know it on Dubai International Airport when some Italian guy (whose English accent was a terrible pain for my ears) told me how they do not have enough passengers to fly to Birmingham! I simply never knew how Emirates could ditch me like this but those 7 hours were an incredible experience. The sense of responsibility that ensured me how I had grown up and can do everything independently now. Those 7 hours when I had to look after my money, my luggage, keep contact with my parents, resisting the sleep when I was up for more than 24 hours and what not. Dubai Internstional Airport was my first examination and with His cooperation, I succeeded it like a victorious warrior! I reached my accommodation at 11:00 pm on October 12th and the very next day I realized I had to do my grocery all on my own (which I had never done before) and I had to walk like crazies! Yeah, I missed my driver and at times my car as well but with time walking was a pleasure instead I discovered how I can observe many things minutely when I walk and see the world without technology!  I have been to city center twice and I kinda bought many things though I am not a shopaholic at all but I guess that was the need cause UK is kinda freezing and will continue to freeze more and more with every passing day! Primark, H&M, Topshop, Zara’s, Integration,  Evans – you name it and I am sure I have been there! I am still discovering good restaurants though right now Subway and my own cooking skills had help me enough!

World Of Coins!

The very big change for me was MONEY! Amazing! It took me almost a week to learn about currency, coins, pence and I am still on my way to learn more about them! We had maids back in home to do everything, from ironing clothes to polishing shoes and almost everything. Now, I wake up 2 hours before I have to leave so I can iron my clothes and look about my shoes and then leave almost 40 minutes before because it is a 20 to 25 minutes walk to my school from my accommodation and I leave the margin of 20 minutes in case of any accident (God Forbid) I never imagined how time would play with me and change me within a week! I thought I was careless (clutz) and may be I still am but I don’t see it. The very big problem for me is to look about my keys and wallet; back in my home country I never had a wallet! All I ever did was slip few bucks in my jeans but wallet – NO!

Talking about Leicester, it is not a busy city like London but it is still busy enough. Traffic can prove you and when you see Audi and Mercedes cars out there, you are like Woahh!! (Just Kidding) It is like a Mini China in here cause you will find so many Chinese people! Okay, they are Korean, Japanese, Chinese, Nepalese but all of them look almost same so you can never ever tell who they are! Now what I am fed up of is every other person asking me if I am from AMERICA! I am not boasting about myself but hundreds of men and women have asked me if I am from America because they say my accent is American and when I tell them from Pakistan, I see their eyes bulging out as if I have said that I am the president of US. Excuse me, get a life – my school’s principal will kill me if she gets to know how I am receiving such a comment because we are taught British English then HOW THE EFFING HELL I POSSIBLY CAN SOUND LIKE AN AMERICAN? Does that even make sense? The very first person to tell me was a guy on the plane, then the immigration lady(until she saw my passport), then this surgeon I met in the grocery store, then almost every receptionist on the university information desk, the receptionist guy on the accommodation information desk, cashiers in the shopping malls and I am tired of giving them that look to not repeat it! You know how is it like? Let me demonstrate, consider I am talking to a lady who is the saleswoman of H&M;

Naima: Excuse me, Can I see this?

Saleswoman: Yeah sure!

Naima: Thank you (Smiling) – But I don’t want heels you see.

Saleswoman: Oh! Are you from America? You have an American Accent!

Naima: (A crucial look and then a smile and says with grinding teeth) Everybody says so though I don’t know why!

Pasta – Cooked on Friday, 19th October 2012!

Chicken and Capsicums – Cooked on Saturday, 20th October 2012!

Chicken and Vegetable fried Rice – Cooked on Sunday, 21st October 2012!

I know at times it is a LOLing situation for me but I have to bear with it. I don’t mind being the way I am so back out! Another worse thing in here is that it is autumn and I hate to walk on the fallen leaves! I mean, why did they ever taught us that leaves are living beings because now I feel miserable when I see plenty of them lying on the floor and I have to walk over them! I feel guilty at times and curse my science teachers for being so mean back then when I was 9 or 10. I started cooking like 3 days back that means from this weekend cause I had to buy my cooking pans and everything and I think I am doing pretty well if I eliminate comparing it with my mommy’s food! Of course, she is a professional! I see old couples being too romantic – holding hands and linking arms and I go back in my memory to recall when did my parents or even grand parents did it last time in front of me! I adore the people here, their innocence and the love they share through their smiles! (Believe me or not, I am almost smiling to everybody on my way; exclude the young guys please cause they will take a different meaning out of it)

Cooking and eating – a good time pass; need no friends! (lol)

Briefly, I enjoy in here. It is an adventure ride. Lazy mornings in my bright room with a chilly wind that knocks me down and I stretch my arms thinking if I can see some other faces than Chinese (Just kidding – no hard feelings please but the fact is there are too many Chinese out here and I appreciate their love for education) As expected, no friends yet but I think with time, I will be okay. I talk to a Singaporean girl in my class *Ann* who has a boy friend so she is too busy with him all the time but she is a great girl to talk to and I have been lately talking to this Canadian guy *Marcus* who has explained me the maths and business problems that I have not understood after reading on my own! He had been a great helping hand but again it is just a hello-hey with them; they are not yet friends! I am too bad at it, I know but I hope to do good!

PS– I know I have missed out whole a lot on reading the blogs I follow but I will try to manage it out whenever possible! Thank you for the support and cooperation as always! It is greatly appreciated! Stay blessed!

A Thoughtful Morning!

Today’s morning was different and beautiful. Not because I had consumed a good amount of caffeine or that I went for a long romantic drive but because I was awakened by a little baby who compelled me to abandon my dream valley. Usually I’m an early bird so I knew it wasn’t too late but finding a baby around my bed and my mum rushing all around with her high-pitched voice ensured me that today’s morning was dedicated to her guests. Without my spectacles, I am almost blind so I couldn’t make out how the baby looked like while I tossed and turned in bed fighting with the sheets and pillows. I rummaged on the bed trying to find my spectacles and finally GOTCHA! As soon as I saw that baby clearly; smiling to me holding the side of the bed, I dashed to her and held her in my arms! I then realized that brushing teeth first would be better and then after getting done with the morning systematic routine, I was with the baby. I have no clue why am I attracted towards babies too much but anybody can be the victim to their cuteness, isn’t it?

Innocence of babies is one main reason for attracting almost everybody. I love them for their beautiful ways to learn step by step. With a growing baby, you are learning new things everyday yourself. The babies never “GIVE UP”– a great lesson for all of us. They may fell down million times over when they are learning to walk or sit but their determination and will power is unbeatable. Trying to achieve what they see other people doing becomes their ultimate goal and they achieve it some way or the other. They start crawling, standing and then walking with support and then a time comes when the baby needs no support! His legs can bear his weight and he walks well enough. Life has a same psychology; it treats you like a baby. It bruises you and you have to learn to stand again. There may be many huddles and you may fell down many times over but your strength and determination is counted on for helping you to move on with the failures to embrace victory at the end of the day. I watched the baby who continuously tried to walk without support. She fell at times but all she did was look at me and laugh. It was the baby of some new neighbor who visited my mommy to know about the area and all. This baby made my morning pleasant and thoughtful. At times, life treats you in a certain way to learn from others being a mere observer. I was treated nobly by learning how a year old baby can be an inspiration for a new morning and the reason for my splendid smile.

Life is a saga
A panel of story ruled by the antagonist
Truth radiates the world

I am Destroyed!

When I realized – it was too late!

Tears of blood, predicting a flood;
Worn out soul, screeching in mud.

Splendid mornings turn out to rust;
Where shedding tears is considered must.

Sparkling eyes chasing crystals in the sky;
Thou each gaze pulls me strongly, making a way to die.

Strings of emotion tuned to deviate and devastate;
Crumbled heart seeking the happiness over-delayed.

The beauty of my soul vanishes away;
Thou enchant a spell to stand out in the breaking day.

Abhorring the wounds, all over the heart;
Surrendering to the agony, caused by the poisoned dart.

Thou snatched my life, scorned the blissful smile;
Blessing with the everlasting pain, in thee own style.

World around me perishes as thee left me forlorn;
Sweet smells bitter, flowers turn into painful thorns.

Invisible thee, but apparent to me;
Seeking thou in Eden, finding the glee.