The Warrior Spirit

The first time when he touched her,
He claimed her soul to his breath,
She decided for his heart to be her home,
And together they vowed to never give it up,
Then one day, he took away her tomorrow,
Blended her boundless love with unlimited sorrow,
Since then, she had only known her shadow,
To be her ally in the darkness alone,
For every night when he was away,
She chose to drown in his memory,
Every morning when she woke up to an empty life,
She chose to deny the truth,
So she could surrender to the endless pain,
That pierced through her self-esteem,
Whenever she tried to say goodbye,
To the world they created together,
While he had left her behind to savor their doom,
She played with the broken pieces,
Of her withering and flickering heart,
So she could fool it just one last time,
With the hope that he will return,
And claim her to himself all over again,
But until then, she would survive the pain,
With a smile on her face,
And the warrior-spirited woman she is,
So don’t be late this time, she would be waiting.

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Behind the Disguise

Can you slip under my skin?
Pretend to be me for a day,
To see this brutal world passing by,
Living through yet another nightmare,
Don’t you stop, you will make it out alive,
To feel the wrath in my pain,
Crawling through the ice in your veins,
Don’t you worry, my love will keep you warm,
To taste the agony in my bittersweet tears,
Dripping through your fiery eyes,
Don’t you forget, you’re wearing a disguise,
To smell the pungent vengeance in my blood,
Pumping violently through your fierce heart,
Don’t you quit, it’s just the beginning of falling apart,
To hear the noise of silence in my mind,
Embracing your demons through the night,
Don’t you fear, wait for the morning sun to shine bright,
So if you live each day like it is your last,
Aching in love and numbing the pain,
Will you dare to be me again?

Diary of Nobody -IX-

I lay in our bed wide awake thinking to myself that this cold night could have been warm if you were by my side with your arm around me. But then I have to get a napkin to spit because it’s not a decent thought especially when you belong to somebody else now. I calm my mind only to begin sobbing later. There are silent tears in the beginning followed by shouting, cursing and crying out loudly within a matter of few seconds. This is a therapy that always seems to work – the louder I cry the better I feel.

I surround myself with the dark of the night and our memories fall into place. I see you carrying me on your shoulders; I see myself feeding you while we watch Netflix; I see you fixing our washbasin taps in the kitchen so I don’t have to deal with washing dishes in the cold water; I see myself dressing you for work. I hear your laughter and it echoes in my head. I cover my ears with both my hands but your laughter doesn’t leave me alone. I smell you in the sheets and in my thoughts. Your scent is invading my sanity. There is a sudden urge for your touch. In my thoughts you can and have only belonged to me. My heart is racing and I need you to hold my hand so you can pull me out of this mess.

I switch on the lights but hesitate to open my eyes. I don’t like the feeling of light accompanying me in this journey tonight but this is the only way to put my thoughts on hold for now. I remind myself of the reality and it makes me furious. I cannot possibly love you after being left behind all by myself because you wanted to make things right by another woman. I am tempted to embrace the dark again but in order to keep my sanity intact; I have to avoid its company tonight.

I pull my coat out of the closet and leave the room. I make my way out of the building and stand at one corner half lost fiddling with a lighter and a cigarette in my hands. I play games in my head second-guessing if I should smoke or not. Reluctantly, I light a cigarette and inhale deeply to fill my lungs with smoke. After few puffs, I waste the cigarette and feel guilty for letting another bad habit conquer my night. So it was you in the dark and now a cigarette in the light. Although comparatively, cigarettes are not as bad for my lungs as you are for my heart.

I am just another hypocrite feeling guilty for smoking but have never felt guilty for loving you knowing that my heart should have stopped beating for you a long while back.

The Lost Girl

Please don’t leave,
Don’t leave my glowing world to be in the dark,
Please believe,
Your love has left me a permanent mark,
I have been chasing the rainbows just to see,
If there is a world beyond our interpretation of free,
I have been counting these stars in the night,
Counting the infinity is like blowing out the light,
I don’t want to let you down,
But I have looked everywhere around,
The girl you knew once upon a time,
She is nowhere to be found,
So can you help me find her?
‘Cause she must have lost the track,
She is willing to find her way back,
To your heart which she knows as her home,
Otherwise she might never cease to carelessly roam.

Please forgive me,
My imagination cannot seal the reality,
Please let me in,
For I have been choking my emotions under my skin,
I have been living with the lies just to see,
If there is a world beyond our uncertainties,
I have been falling in the arms of memories,
Dreaming my life with you for all eternity,
I don’t want to let you down,
But I have looked everywhere around,
The girl you knew once upon a time,
She is nowhere to be found,
So can you help me find her?
‘Cause she must have lost the track,
She is willing to find her way back,
To your heart which she knows as her home,
Otherwise she might never cease to carelessly roam.

Numb

The drunken nights,
My red swollen eyes,
Crying and sobbing,
So I can finally sleep,
So I can finally dream,
The life which cannot be my reality,
The love which cannot belong to me,
The freedom to escape the sufferings of mortality,
The quest for my long-lost stability,
Ever since we’ve been apart,
You always seem to bring my heart,
The torment and torture of false-hope,
An everyday struggle with which I cannot cope,
So I am going to get high tonight,
It’s no longer required to put up a fight,
Lately I have been so numb to the pain,
It’s exciting to be alive again.

You build me up to break me down,
You tear me apart from the inside,
Left me in the raging flames of vengeance to drown,
You knew in your heart that you never tried,
To look beyond the horizon of self-pride,
How can you fail to see?
You cannot turn me into somebody you want me to be,
How can you not know?
I’m hurt but it is never going to show,
I’m too strong to be defeated,
Now that it’s all said and done,
I’ve never felt more completed,
So I am going to get high tonight,
It’s no longer required to put up a fight,
Lately I have been so numb to the pain,
It’s exciting to be alive again.

The Night

The night is the time,
When I can crawl out of bed,
Shut off the voices inside my head,
Escape the pain, grief and blinding lightness,
Seek refuge in the shade of darkness,
I feel the fire burning deep within,
Helping me be pure of sin,
I watch myself in the mirror,
Struggling to look beyond the apparent flaws,
Can my imperfections magically disappear?
The silence keeps me company,
I slowly drift off to sleep,
Before the dawn is beginning to peep,
So I can wake up again the following night,
Treat myself off the starry dark delight.

Never Meant To Be

The day I met you,
For the very first time,
Watching you,
From the distance,
You stood by yourself,
Fiddling with your hands,
With a 20 dollar bill,
Not even a pound,
To be found in your wallet,
I came for your rescue,
Paid your cab’s fare,
And there you were,
Red like a tomato,
Embarrassed and flushed,
But we laughed it off,
That black dressing shirt you wore,
And the faded denim jeans,
I still remember how nervous we were,
When our eyes first met,
When our worlds finally collided,
We headed down the road,
For our first meal together,
Nandos wasn’t your cup of tea,
That butterfly chicken you made fun of,
The way you looked at me,
That spark in your eyes,
The warmth in your smile,
I melted in the glimpse of your splendor,
Your annoyingly cute OCD,
Your exhilarating throaty laughs,
The best of all,
Your amusing company,
For that one night,
I had it all,
But none to keep,
A long journey,
A 12 hour flight,
You came all the way,
Across the ocean,
Just to see me,
To be with me,
To feel me,
To have me by your side,
A day later,
For the very first time,
By the fast food stall,
You wrapped me,
In your arms,
Concealed me,
In your embrace,
You held me tight,
I held you close,
Never knowing,
One day,
You will have to go.

You were not Sorry

Do you remember the time?
When you told me loving you was a crime,
I believed you and began to climb,
Crossing the borders,
Muddling through,
Making my way,
Establishing myself,
‘Love is fatal’, you said,
I heard you,
You disappeared one day,
There was nothing I could do,
I cried and cried,
Softly sobbing through the nights,
I cried and cried,
Shouting and struggling with all my might,
You were not sorry,
‘Cause
You left me hanging,
Left me bleeding,
Left me to rot,
You pulled yourself through,
But you forgot, my love,
That I was there with you too.

Leicester and I wish you all a very good morning and a great day ahead ❤

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Clueless

“You’re hilarious!” exclaimed Aryan. Estella was observing Aryan chuckling with his friends from the corner of her eyes. His crystal aura and blue eyes at once earned him the attention of an attractive woman. Estella was convinced that he was not an ordinary man. She knew that he will be her last resort. She marched across the room and introduced herself to him. When she smiled, his knees were weak and he fell onto the ground leaving the crowd clueless. His eyes were shut and Estella disappeared in the smoke of the night. Estella was his imagination – a death call.

Dark Days Are Gone!

Memories of you stuck in my head
I cursed myself for its difficult to shred our thread
Why did you leave me on my own?
How can you pretend to be unknown?
But baby sun shines after every dark night
You may be one in the million and I blame my sight
I wont beg you for any chance, I know I am right
The truth in my eyes will rewrite my love story – the highest flight
So wait for the day when I get back to you
Get back to you to show you what I’ve got
A man of my dreams, my soul mate for a shot
You’ll be jealous and I’ll hit the right spot
So wait baby wait until I get back to you….

You complained how I snored in the bed?
Or how I slept when you talked and talked instead
Did it give you the right to smack me down?
Who were you to complain when I frowned?
Baby, have a look at your cold blue eyes
They said it all despite of my unworthy tries
So wait for the day when I get back to you
Get back to you to show you what I’ve got
A man of my dreams, my soul mate for a shot
You’ll be jealous and I’ll hit the right spot
So wait baby wait until I get back to you….

My heart still beats on the rhythm of your name
My soul calls out loud for freedom – its untamed
Baby would you let me know my blame?
Oh shame, if I have been too lame
Too lame to forgive you over again
You bruised me everyday to fulfill your aims
Pardon baby, no more love coming your way
My heart will give up on you someday
So wait for the day when I get back to you
Get back to you to show you what I’ve got
A man of my dreams, my soul mate for a shot
You’ll be jealous and I’ll hit the right spot
So wait baby wait until I get back to you….