Princess of Darkness

Stargazing, soul-searching and traveling,
Hammocks, polaroids and galaxies,
Experiences emanating magic and madness,
Losing track of time and reality,
Her new-found wings defying the laws of gravity,
While all along she had been surrendering to her mind,
The calls of her heart rings stranger chords,
New tattoos, gypsy guitars and intoxicated winds,
And her dreams pulling their own swords,
Battling the world with her poetic pen,
She fiercely coloured her own rewards,
Insanity raised peace but normality doubts,
Her demons imparted strength but angles chaos,
She was a dance of fire and ice,
Embracing the cold and craving the burns,
Oblivious to the fundamentals of life, she failed to see the joy in pain,
She had to rejoice the fallings of autumn to cherish the buzz of spring,
While she believed her days to be moonlit and nights starless,
She was rescued from the emptiness into wilderness,
In the superficiality of this passing world,
The angels of wisdom scarred her innocence,
The brutal sword of time portrayed her Satanic Highness,
Crush her bones but dare not crumble her spirit,
On the path to enlightenment, she was a princess of darkness,
Beyond the stars, even her shadows were skilfully guarded,
The dark within her soul burnt the colours of gold,
So if her magic, madness and wisdom be mistaken for darkness,
She hoped to never find light again.

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Within you is the light of a thousand suns.


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Diary of Nobody -XIV-

“Sup”, they ask.

You must be aware that youth nowadays like to shorten everything for the sake of some apparent swag or for some ridiculous cool-effect. I struggle to be a part of this age where appearances need to be dope and emotions stand no hope — where the soul is ruthlessly starved to feed the goddamn ego.

Is there any way we can return to our childhood? I don’t want to fit in this world without you. It might seem like an absurd thought at the very first instance but I feel like I have lost the soul I thought I could rock and jam with. My soul hasn’t been fed for a while and the sense of emotional numbness invades my sanity. Netflix keeps me company now, sometimes it is family but where exactly are you? Weren’t you supposed to be my guardian angel and protect me from the forces of evil? I was told love has no boundaries only to realize for myself that love is all about boundaries.

I am healing. I am trying. I am coping. I am surviving. I think, reviving too.

“Its difficult but not impossible.”, your voice echoes in my head and drives me insane. How do I tell you that impossibility is just a word for you while I have to live through the reality of circumstantial intricacy? I am disgusted with myself for not being able to find peace and solace within myself and for unknowingly creating a bubble-world around you. Why do I have to die a little every single day because you have ceased to be a part of my constantly-recurring struggle for existence?

I hurt every day but I cannot bring myself to the point of loathing you. I try to strike a conversation with you but I don’t know what else could I ask you except of your well-being and the gossip about weather since I have noticed that you are fond of posting pictures of snow, rain, spring, fall and what-not-weather-related on your social media. I try to converse heart-to-heart with you but you’ve given up. You had given up a long time ago since I was the reason for your frustrations, troubles and bruises. I disappointed you once and in turn you never trusted me with anything again, not even with a candid conversation. I wish you could see how I wait desperately for the times you would be around. However, I can never catch your eye like others do. Perhaps, you have stopped responding to any gestures which may indicate very subtly that I need you. One moment, I want to let you in and expose all my vulnerabilities and the other moment, I stop dead in my tracks for I fear that I will smash the wall which stands tall between us necessary for our survival and to maintain our individuality. I fear that I will burst your bubble with my unfortunate reality. The underlying fear of letting you down (yet again) and losing whatever little we have dictates my life at the very moment because seeing you torn apart is the last of the last things I could imagine indulging myself in.

So, I reside in silence while thunder roars within me. I hibernate to be able to hide my scars as best as I can. My world exists in a shell purposely so you can cherish life the way you do and make every second of it divine. I see you being yourself with others and exuberating just the right amount of confidence and charisma, and I am at peace. While you are doing just fine and dealt courageously with the unimaginable aftermath of our adversities; I, on the other hand, am still living through it.

You know what? You might think that after all this time, I should knock it off already and just be like you. But, you simply can’t see that normal has never been my forte, and it never will be.

Masterpiece

You were broken when you bumped into me,
With a heart so shattered it needed to heal,
As I breathe life into your soul trying to fix you,
I got diagnosed with love showing symptoms of you,
You preyed on the essence of my soul,
And fed on it to build yourself a world of eternal bliss,
I was left with nothing but emptiness,
It seemed like an abyss of darkness,
Where even light was shadowed with intense blackness,
My senses numbed and my mind so calm,
My heart in pain and my soul so damned,
I remember our first fight,­­­­
And the unforgivable and unforgettable first night,
I remember our first kiss,
And the mornings when I felt fragile, broken and pissed,
I remember the sound of your heartbeat,
And the warmth of your skin when it collided with mine,
So if I told you that you had me only for today,
Then would that be any reason to make you want to stay?
To not hurt me with those lies that make me feel unwanted,
Or will you still be vain and take me for granted?

You told me beautiful lies,
And you didn’t admit to your own disguise,
It’s like you were camouflaged by the truths of life,
I went through hell just to keep us grounded,
Those fears and insecurities weren’t entirely unfounded,
Since I am programmed to survive I let you go,
To push me in the arms of my own doom,
But now that you are gone and I am all alone,
My heart’s beating but I am alive no more,
My mind’s numb but still leads me to you heart,
My soul’s so weary but keeps me from falling apart,
The days have been tough and the nights so rough,
And when it comes to you, I am never good enough,
You were mine just yesterday,
And now you are gone because you just couldn’t see,
A love like ours is a masterpiece,
So while you drift away to free your soul,
I lay captivated within your sorrows and flaws,
So if I told you that you had me only for today,
Then would that be any reason to make you want to stay?
To not hurt me with those lies that make me feel unwanted,
Or will you still be vain and take me for granted?

Q1

Sometimes..

Sometimes silence speaks louder than words,
Sometimes tears stain the stronger than the weak,
Sometimes the stars sparkle brighter than the sun,
Sometimes distance unites than divide,
Sometimes the lies are simpler than the truth,
Sometimes grief is much more contagious than a smile,
Sometimes living in the present is more difficult than planning a tomorrow,
Sometimes survival is much less destructive than surrender,
Sometimes just sometimes,
Love does not cause sorrow,
Hope is not a delight,
Pain is not a curse,
Time is not cruel,
Failure is not trying,
Happiness is not fatal,
Sometimes just sometimes,
One moment can last a forever.


Note: I am off for a vacation and I am not sure if I will have access to internet but I will try to catch up on your lovely blogs whenever I can. I don’t promise anything but I will try my best to write and share the little moments I enjoyed best during my trip. Love to you all. Until next time, live, love, Inspire & (don’t forget to) smile. Believe in yourself and you can conquer all your fears. Laters. 

Pariah

I am sick of all your lies,
I can’t ever see through your disguise,
But I try so hard to find the truth in your eyes,
That I am broken and bruised on the inside,
You say you are sorry,
And I tell you that it will be alright,
So we get back to living the good old days,
Until a fight break out,
And you want to leave again,
For you love playing this game,
‘Cause you know my love for you won’t change,
You say that you will leave this time for the good,
And I beg you to stay one last time if you could,
‘Cause I honestly don’t know what I’d do without you,
So you are the predator and my heart is your prey,
You are like a con-man who doesn’t need to stay,
And I beg you to give us one last chance,
You push me away so you could have it your way,
Keeping your heart cold, you fail to see,
I am fragile but it wont stop you from breaking me,
All along, I had mistaken you for the cure to my pain,
I was such a fool in love,
That I didn’t know you were just the same,
There were no exceptions to the rules of your game,
I was just another name you wanted to claim,
And it’s all my fault and I am to be blamed,
I should have never trusted you with my heart,
‘Cause now I just can’t let you go,
Yes, I just can’t stay apart,
But who knew I was doomed right from the start,
All I know now is that I am the pariah,
I belong nowhere and to no one.


I have not been active on WordPress lately because I have been super-busy. I will get back to reading and writing soon. Thank you for the patience and love. 

Affliction

Fill and consume, flutter and fly,
Hold your breath for you know it’s a goodbye;
Live and love, cut and heal,
The heart doesn’t know what it feels;
Forget and forgive, thrash and thrive,
Fulfill these dreams now that I feel alive;
Chaos is my middle name and sometimes I freak out,
Pain gives me pleasure and scars are what it’s all about,
Ingrained in me is the pride and ego you loathe and self-doubt,
I am coming down like a sea storm in your days of drought.

Fuse and form, flow and feel,
Blend in the darkness for light is your deal;
Dos and don’ts, watch and listen,
Let the power of love in your eyes glisten;
Pray and plead, flip and turn,
Fairy tales and happy endings are not what I yearn;
Chaos is my middle name and sometimes I freak out,
Pain gives me pleasure and scars are what it’s all about,
Ingrained in me is the beauty which is never going to burn out,
I am coming down like a sea storm in your days of drought.

Burns and bruises, plays and charades,
My fading youth as the time tears me apart;
Foolish and brave, fumes and faith,
The flash of your memory reduced to a wraith;
Blues and whites, loss and gain,
The sky above my head is pouring blood in vain;
Chaos is my middle name and sometimes I freak out,
Pain gives me pleasure and scars are what it’s all about,
The thousands of kisses I stole from your mouth,
Beware for I shall come like a sea storm in your days of drought.

Virus

So what did I do?
And what was that I knew?
Did you think I was a virus that only grew?
Or was it that my heart had nothing for you?
For what I did and what was done,
For what I knew and what was known,
For what I saw and what was seen,
For what I heard and what was to be heard,
Things turned upside down and the pain was new,
Love became my foe and I was a stranger to you,
Helpless soul and my blurred view,
Lousy memories and the haziness in my thoughts grew,
Fueled up brain but I couldn’t feed my heart,
Love abandoned me and it no more was my mastered art,
Fulfilled with this heart break, I never yearned for a new start,
Beauty in my existence faded and it was all about your poisoned dart,
You killed me with love and the pieces scattered everywhere,
You envied the texture of my smile and the glow in my eyes pierced you,
My insides were bruised and there was nothing I could do,
Following the light, I forgot that I was struggling with the dark all through,
So what did I do?
And what was that I knew?
Did you think I was a virus that only grew?
Or was it that my heart had nothing for you?

Superman

He lay there,
With his arms wrapped around her,
Breathing in the scent of her soul,
Calming the raging storms that shook her insides,
Which was sometimes beyond his control,
The disappointments and the regrets,
That had taken their toll over her,
He hushed them one after the other,
While he squeezed her in his arms,
As though to drain out her aching sorrow,
She was scared of failure,
But there was nothing to fear,
When he was there by her side,
Trying his best to absorb all her pain and tears,
Which she couldn’t run away from or hide,
Whether it was a dream or reality,
He was her peace, madness and sanity,
And she knew he would be the one,
To put together the missing pieces of her life,
So as to heal her brokenness and fill the voids,
Whether it was a dream or reality,
She would never stop being his kryptonite,
And he would do all that he could,
To rescue her with or without a plan,
Because he was her Superman,
One who might not know how to fly,
But could put her to sleep every night,
Ensuring her that tomorrow would be alright,
Even after all the years that passed them by,
He never stopped being the Superman he was,
She never stopped being his kryptonite,
And that was how they survived,
Travelling beyond the speed of light,
To defeat the darkness around them.

The World of Labels

After a sickening eternity, rainbows lingered in her eyes. The violet emerged ever so charismatically in her cold grey eyes when she imagined a life beyond her cottage in the woods. The fireworks lightened her dark lonely heart with sparks of bright hope and vibrant dreams when she realized that she could finally fly in the indigo sky. She was unhappy to leave her nest and folks behind but at the same time exhilarated to step out of the shadows to embrace a new beginning. She was tempted by the world of unknowns and danger. Little did she know, life outside her cottage was a vicious trap but she wouldn’t understand unless she became a victim of its sweet pain.

The reality of her existence boomed with the blues of Sea-Holly as she was warmly welcomed by the place she had only dared to explore in her dreams. The buildings stood taller than the pine trees that surrounded her cottage in the woods. She noticed that the sun shone differently in this so-called flawless world as if it vacillated whether to share its precious light with the gloomy creatures. The stars didn’t sparkle with their usual pearly white light at night and she was taken aback by the unusual differences she had observed in such a short time span. Wasn’t Nature supposed to be same all across the planet? Pushing her thoughts aside, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath trying to absorb all she could of her enthralling yet mysterious green surroundings.

Days passed by and her pale yellow aura projected that she was utterly excited and hopeful for the future since she had recently embarked on a spiritual journey. Although in reality, the palpable excitement she had once felt about her life had been diminishing slightly. It was not that she wanted to return to her nest but this thriving world didn’t appeal to her as much as before. As she began pondering over the matter, the stunning orange sky took over her senses. She gave up in the arms of an enchanting evening hoping for the best but expecting the worst.

Time taught her well. The land of her dreams was painted with red. They loved each other and fought with the same people they cared for. They plucked the blooming flowers and stole the delight of Nature to decorate their houses but at the same time preached to be environmental friendly. They complained about the cold weather in winters and about the heat in summers. They were capable of differentiating between right and wrong yet chose to favor and support the corrupt. They killed to enforce peace. They had labelled everything from the color of their skin to the blood in their veins. They treated their fellow beings differently based on their gender, profession, religion and race. They bullied the weak and hated to be reminded that they were in the same shoes not too long ago. They lived in the world of gadgets where they text-messaged often and rarely spoke. They shared everything on the social media in the name of ‘sharing is caring’ but in reality, the idea of sharing was almost unknown to them. They were never contented and always yearned for more. These creatures were not only different from her folks in the woods but also were complex. Their actions often contradicted their words as their minds did their hearts.

The rainbows in her eyes faded as this multicolored world of labels stomped over her dreams and awoke her to a harsh reality. The truth was bitter but the lies she had been living for the past few months had been sweet. How she wished to rewind time and be unknown to all the mysteries which had been unraveled. How she wished to be a child again.

Wait; was she one of them already?

Life -I-


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The Warrior Spirit

The first time when he touched her,
He claimed her soul to his breath,
She decided for his heart to be her home,
And together they vowed to never give it up,
Then one day, he took away her tomorrow,
Blended her boundless love with unlimited sorrow,
Since then, she had only known her shadow,
To be her ally in the darkness alone,
For every night when he was away,
She chose to drown in his memory,
Every morning when she woke up to an empty life,
She chose to deny the truth,
So she could surrender to the endless pain,
That pierced through her self-esteem,
Whenever she tried to say goodbye,
To the world they created together,
While he had left her behind to savor their doom,
She played with the broken pieces,
Of her withering and flickering heart,
So she could fool it just one last time,
With the hope that he will return,
And claim her to himself all over again,
But until then, she would survive the pain,
With a smile on her face,
And the warrior-spirited woman she is,
So don’t be late this time, she would be waiting.

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