Phoenix

Puffin’ the hand-rolled cigarettes,
Sippin’ on quality scotch,
The smoke filled room and the rainbows in her soul,
3:15 on her broken watch,
She was not the same girl,
The one who fled home,
When she was ordinary and eighteen,
She was not afraid to fall anymore,
There wasn’t much left to be seen,
She was fire and chaos intertwined in harmony,
So she flipped through the pages of a magazine,
The place to which she belonged in all her entirety,
In those pages, she was alive,
Clothed in magic, flaws and time,
While she had survived the war many times over,
The world is now reduced to the wraith of her madness,
Where she had her place in the sun,
The stars got tangled in her hair,
And the moonlight sparkled in her eyes,
The curve of her lips so much like a galaxy’s edge,
She was a broken beautiful universe all in her bruised self.

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Embrace your brokenness for that is what makes you an epitome of beauty and a phenomenon of magic – be fearlessly and unapologetically you.

 


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2015 Is Here (Are You Ready?)

It is very difficult for me to believe that 2014 is ‘past’ already. 2015 is here — I need somebody to pinch me. Time has been on a race track for these few years. I can’t believe that England has been my home for around 2 and a half years. I am just a year and a half away from my final destination — ‘I have grown up’. I am still the same girl who likes to pillow fight with my siblings, jump around the house on sofas and beds, live in the thoughts where I can conquer fairy tales and ride on unicorns, sing no matter how I sound and dance to any beat in front of the mirror. I mean, I am twenty but I still feel sixteen. So where have those four years gone? I have matured a lot lately and people around me keep pointing that out but at the end of the day, that kid in me is so much alive. It’s very difficult to even think that ‘I am all grown up’. May be I don’t want to grow up this fast. Anyhow, this is life and growing up is a part of it. Did I say it yet? Well, before I go ranting about my year — Happy New Year!! You readers are my ‘WordPress Family’ and have supported me throughout. I have been seventeen since I have been writing this blog and I have made valuable connections in the span of these three years. I have been going and coming back and have taken long breaks but you all have always been here for me. It’s such a great feeling to share this special bond I share with so many people across the world. You all play a great part in my life and I can’t be grateful enough for your time. All the blogs I read have helped me nurture and learn a lot about life and people. All the beautiful blogs I came across in 2014 and before, thank you for inspiring me and sharing your work. I look forward to see you all in 2015. May you all have a beautiful and blessed year ahead (Amen).

Now about my 2014…

2014 is a very special year for me. It’s the mixture of happiness, sadness, excitement, misery, love, pain, patience and much more. I realized it’s not always about living; sometimes it’s all about surviving. I am very proud to have survived this 2014 which is the most memorable year in my memory book.

It was my first New Years in England without my family. The 2014 New Years was spectacular. Love was in the air and beauty everywhere. I wanted to play with snow but there was none. It still was a great start to an amazing year.

I didn’t make any new friends and I have no regrets about that. I enjoy sparing myself the little time I have from the studies.

I visited my parents in April for around 10 to 15 days and spent my Summer in England. It was one of the most challenging Summer of my life with no fans when there was a very strong need. I bought a tower fan and an air cooler from Argos yet nights were uncomfortable. Regardless, I enjoyed sun to myself knowing I’d miss the sunny days in Winters.

I completed my first year in Law School and scored quite well (although the first year doesn’t contribute towards the degree). I hated Contract Law and always will.

My cooking improved quite a lot. I think it’s a good thing. My favorite dish for the year was ‘Brown Stew Chicken’ (Trinidadian Style).

I moved to a new accommodation in the beginning of July 2014. The place was a studio unlike my last spacious one room apartment. However, I like one fact about the studio that I don’t have to get out of the room to use the toilet (That was irritating).

I finally learnt to play Chess. I am not that good at it (Practice makes perfect) but at least I know I can play it!

This was the first time I watched FIFA tournament! I rooted for underdogs like Costa Rica and Columbia. These two teams made my FIFA experience exhilarating.

2014 was still a lot about ‘Plants vs. Zombies’ and my Zen Garden but I got obsessed with a lot of other games like ‘Ruzzle’ and ‘Golf Star’.

When I left my old accommodation, I had to leave Jade! I miss Jade a lot but every now and then I pay him a visit!

I planned a trip to Euro Disneyland in France, only to realize a day before that I would require a ‘Schengen’ Visa to go to France. I didn’t get any refund and I was very depressed. Well, better luck next time!

My 20th birthday — finally out of teenage years. First ever birthday in England and was worth it.

I saw my first ever rainbow on August 17, 2014. It was so beautiful and it didn’t disappear for until five minutes. It was a delicious treat!

I was addicted to Netflix in 2014. Orange is the new black, Psych, Sherlock, 24, Frasier, Three’s Company and so many more shows. I just couldn’t keep myself away from all this good distraction.

I lost a very special and old friend (my best friend) towards the end of the year (don’t know exactly how). I tried to settle things but the friend had already moved past me.

I came back home for Christmas unlike 2013 Christmas and I will soon be leaving for England again.

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The world experienced a lot of chaos in 2014. Increasing number of ‘Rapes’ and ‘Sexual offenses’ not only in India but across the world; the recent terrorist attack on an Army Public School in Pakistan resulting in the martyrdom of over 100 innocent children; the Gaza incident where hundreds of innocent lives suffered brutality and violence; disappearing and crashing of airplanes; the Ukraine-Russia situation; the formation and barbarity of IS; the outbreak of Ebola in Africa — we can only hope and pray for this world to be a better place in 2015.

Lessons learnt in 2014:

Sometimes, ‘giving up’ is the ultimate solution.

‘Forgetting’ is as important as ‘Forgiving’. One is incomplete without the other.

Merely breathing is not living. Living only happens when you are happy. Other times, you survive.

Heart is your worst enemy. Keep it sane by using your brain.

Love is not about one’s own happiness. It’s about seeing the person you love happy. Thus, love is somewhat-all-about pain.

Anger is healthy to an extent for everything that’s buried deep within can be released. However, draw a line and damages (physical or material) always represent stupidity.

Falling down is what life is all about. Your job is to dust yourself off and get up to prepare yourself for another adventure.

It’s not always about winning or losing. It’s all about how you played the game.

Failure is a stepping stone to your next victory.

Life and Love are two different things. Don’t confuse one with another.

Highlights of 2014:

Word of the year: Love
Strength of the year: Ability to ‘Cry’ and let out the ‘Grief’
Words of Wisdom’ of the year: ‘Divorce and break-ups are an easy way out of the situation; trying to mend what has been broken requires courage and audacity which most of us lack. Anybody can give up but victory belongs to few – those who can conquer the differences with the shield of love and trust in themselves’ – Naima.
Color of the year: Blue
Person of the year: Dumbo
Book of the year: Tell me your dreams – Sidney Sheldon
Song of the year: Heart Wants What It Wants – Selena Gomez
Show of the year: Frasier/Psych (Can’t decide — it’s a tough one)
Best day of the year: September 10 &17, 2014
Worst day of the year: December 11, 2014
Lesson of the year: ‘Forgetting’ is as important as ‘Forgiving’. One is incomplete without the other.
Blessing of the year: Courage
Support of the year: Family
2014 in one word: Ongoing

Let’s have a look at 2014 New-Year’s-Post and if I got through with my goals for 2014:

Reduce the consumption of coke.
[I don’t even remember when was the last time I had coke — hence, Accomplished!]

Give a break to PvZ2!
[I tried but I don’t think I got over Plants Vs. Zombies the way I wanted — Not Accomplished!]

Take time out to travel.
[I will consider it done cause I planned a trip yet something happened and it had to be cancelled; not being able to go to France was very disappointing and depressing but I tried — hence, Accomplished!]

Whenever going back home, say ‘NO’ to Emirates and try different airlines.
[With airplanes crashing and disappearing, my parents became too paranoid to even consider my idea — Not Accomplished!]

Spare my hair some space and grow my bangs.
[Accomplished]

Brush my teeth in night (No excuses – I don’t want all my teeth to fall out at 40).
[I am so proud of myself for this — Accomplished]

Avoid ignoring messages from people and try attending calls (have to stop running away).
[Still trying and I have progressed a lot but not fully satisfied. I think I still end up hurting people by ignoring their messages so I am going to make this again a resolution for 2015 to get even better at it — hence, Not Accomplished!]

Learn to play chess.
[Accomplished]

Forgive & Forget (Forgive part is easy, try to apply the forget part in real life as well).
[Still trying to improve, I mean, not improve my memory. Forgetting is still giving me trouble but I have done a great deal about it and going to keep getting better — hence, I will give it Accomplished! (this was challenging)]

Get closer to Almighty and continue the journey to discover my soul.
[This is an ongoing journey for life but this year I discovered ‘Myself’ on a whole new level; I didn’t realize I was capable of so much until this year — hence, Accomplished!]

Eliminate working-at-the-eleventh-hour-rule from my life.
[This is the only resolution which didn’t get worked upon at all (probably, because its the force of habit) but I will make sure to make this happen in 2015; hence its going on my 2015 resolution list and it’s Not Accomplished]
 

Now, my goals/resolutions for 2015:

Stay ‘happy’ — I ‘should’ be happy and thank Lord for all His Mercy and Compassion.

Become an active volunteer, helping people as best as I can in my spare time.

Not to take long-breaks or disappear from WordPress — I will manage my time even if it is one post a month (although I will try to contribute more than that to this community which has given me so much).

Change myself for the better: be less stubborn, consume balanced diet (especially in England), be more patient with myself, be less selfless (think about myself before others), not be gullible and stop being a ‘hero'(I am not here to save the world or be a ‘Superwoman’ — I am here to just play a part; I can’t save everybody).

Avoid ignoring messages/calls (Communication is the key; hence running away won’t help). I am working on it since last year (I think I am getting better at it).

Be ‘Spiritual’ than ‘Religious’ (I am quite religious already).

Spare some time for my personal fitness — whether it be yoga, self defense or gym.

Avoid being over-optimistic which leads to ‘false-hopes’ and mere consolation. Have a practical approach and go by the rule of ‘Expect the best, prepare for the worst’.

Boost up my self-esteem and be more confident about myself (like before — I have to get back to be the confident and self-assured ‘Naima’).

Start working on my ‘bestselling-novel’ that I always wanted to write.

Eliminate working-at-the-eleventh-hour-rule from my life (I have to really work on this one).

Finally, I have enjoyed reading everybody I follow but there are some blogs that have had a great impact on me and I have loved their work throughout 2014 (or for the little time I could follow them):

Cookie – I personally ‘love’ her blog ‘Calliope’s Lyre’. Her poetry touches the deepest chords of my heart and I can relate to her poetry in so many ways. She is an ultimate inspiration. Her blog is a great find of 2014 for me. She is amazing at what she does and I ‘heart’ her work!! Some of my favorite posts include Aspirations, Within, Dark Mornings, Living By Halves, The Apology, Living Numb, Messages of a Cigarette -XXV- [And many many more].

Cecilia – I absolutely love her blog ‘Mum C Writes‘. It’s informative, raises issues of awareness and the quality of her work (poetry in particular) is phenomenal. I can’t thank her enough for finding me on WordPress because that way I found her beautiful blog. Some of my favorite posts include Breast Milk, When Shame Tames and Optimistic Vibes.

Nadine (The Nadlog) – She is a young, beautiful and a very talented blogger. Her simplicity and positive attitude towards life inspires me. I discovered her blog a few months back and since then I have loved her blog for her bold and positive attitude towards life. I really enjoy her posts but the best ones I remember are Sisters, She drowns and I don’t know about but I’m feeling 22.

Bill – I know this man for a while now. He tells himself as my honorary dad and I absolutely adore him and his wisdom. His blog (bwthoughts) is all about the best things and experiences with a ‘lesson’. His posts (his thoughts) are not too lengthy and superb!! He and his blog has helped me learn so much about life. Discussions with him are fun. I can’t thank him enough for being such a great influence. I loved his recent post Polonius-isms.

Neeraj – This man and his blog (Exposed Emotions) is my personal favorite. I have done poetry-duets with him and I get to learn so much from him. His work inspires me and his enthusiasm is commendable. He is just not a fellow-blogger but a friend as well. The philosophical discussions are a source of learning as well. He recently self-published a poetry book ‘Reverberating Pang: WHEN You Lose Someone You Don’t Own’ which was a great success (I personally loved it). Now, I am looking forward to his new book ‘Together Forever’. Some of his poems that I very much enjoyed include Conclusion, Barefoot, Five Years Later, All Alone, I Can’t Stay Mad At You and I wanna Live (From the Heart of Unborn).

Kim (Silently-Heard-Once) – She is somebody I discovered when I started blogging on WordPress and I have been following her since then. I love her poetry and her courage and enthusiasm to fight every battle. She is an inspiration. I loved her recent posts like A Dip in the Sea, Intimate and Now is Today.

Alastair‘A Mixed Bag’ is a beautiful blog. I love his photography. The posts where he puts up a poll to choose ‘Photo of the Month‘ is a very interesting idea. He makes me want to be a better photographer (Chuckling).

Wendell – ‘Where Words Daily Come Alive‘ is a beautiful blog that I have been following for a while now. It’s all about poetry. I enjoy reading Wendell’s blog and his poetry is always so soothing and inspiring. Some of the posts I like are To Forever Keep and Everywhere I Go.

Renard – ‘Renard Moreau Presents‘ is a great blog! This man writes about everything and anything. If you have been following his blog, you know you will keep yourself updated with everything! His blog is super informative and user-friendly. I can’t name his one post that I like but his ‘Just Pondering‘ blog posts are always interesting!!

Less-About-Love (Diary of a Tight-Lipped Girl) – I like her blog for her bold expression about relationships and sharing her life and thoughts to educate others with her experiences.

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Finally (the Winter Break is Here!!)

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I love how magnificently the seven colors manifest themselves in a ‘Rainbow’ as one– can we be as noble as these colors who come together to give this world an utter sight of beauty?

 

So finally – my home is calling me. I am visiting my family after a very long nine months which I thought would never end. Earlier this year, I couldn’t go back in the summer break cause I was busy with an internship. Hence, I was looking forward to the winter break for a long time. However, my family is much more excited than me, my mother is a given but except of her, my sister is going insane with the count down.

I am happy and nervous at the same time. Returning home after so long does bring back all the emotions not just associated with my family but it also stirs the feeling of patriotism and love for my motherland. I am happy (not really excited but delighted) to go back home because I have missed my mother a lot. Also, this is the longest I have stayed away from home to the date. Anyhow, the flip side of the coin is that I am nervous. One thing that I am afraid of is that I am a changed person now. I cherish my personal freedom and value the peace in isolation. Going back home means all the hustle bustle, relatives and family gatherings. I have never been the social type anyway ( I am not shy but reserved – there is a difference!). Hence, now that I have been living on my own for almost three years – going back poses a threat on my personal freedom. I will have to be a part of family now while here in England, I can do whatever I want (as in I can wake, sleep and study whenever I want to; eat whatever I want – I can live like a night owl). At home, I have to go by a certain time table; not as in somebody dictating my life but more like a civilized approach to routine life which I don’t really care about in England. The second issue that concerns me is my temperament. I was never the calm person anyway and have always blamed my gene for this short temperament. However, now I ‘think’ it is worse. Anything can possibly trigger me off and I can lose it ( please don’t advise anger management – pretty please) but I think it’s one of the disadvantage of living on your own. The feeling of being independent and isolation leaves you a little confined and if somebody even tries to hop into your space, then you have ‘Watch Out’ written straight across your forehead. Although, it could be just me but I have heard people ranting about this more than often. So I can only hope that I don’t lose my temper and keep myself under good check and control. After all, it’s a party time for me — finally a break!!

Well, I have my flight in few hours and I hope Emirates is on time which is highly unlikely! Also, I apologize in advance for missing out on all the good stuff I get to read written by all you lovely people. See you guys soon in a different land with different experiences! Happy Holidays!!!!

Live, Love, Inspire & (don’t forget to)Smile. Believe in yourself and you can conquer all your fears.


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