Diary of Nobody -VII-

“You are ‘the one’. I cannot ask for anything more from Him now that I have been blessed with you. Please don’t ever leave me because if you ever did, you will take my life away with you. I love you with all my heart and soul.”

I wonder where I went wrong.  From ‘You are my life’ to ‘I want nothing to do with you anymore’ – what happened in the gap between those statements? If my memory serves me right, I became only better with time. Apparently being ‘too nice’ can drive a man away (beware good-girls!). It was your guilt, wasn’t it? I was being the best you could ever have while you were only writing ‘The End’ to our story. Often you lost temper because of the same reason but how come you never asked me to stop being me if the guilt was eating you away? Can you tell me now who loved who ‘truly’ in our relationship?

Suffering and pain – there are no boundaries to confine the idea of what pain is. I believed that pain had a ‘breaking-point’ only to realize that there are no limits to pain (as far as personal-experimenting is concerned). It was more than a million times when I thought I couldn’t endure living another day but somehow always survived. It was more than a billion times when I almost gave up but somehow never quit. It was more than a trillion times when I thought to myself that sorrow would kill me but somehow it always ended with the revival of happy-times. I only became stronger and with time the pain had nothing on me. The same theory of ‘limitlessness’ applies to happiness too. We can never pass the threshold of suffering or happiness because as long as we are breathing, it is symbolic of life and there are no extremes known to the concept of life. Death can seal this but let’s not go there.

After an absolute random ranting about my perplexed philosophies, I want you to know that I might have suffered a lot because of you and might continue to (for God knows how long) but you only helped me nurture into a strong woman I am today. Thus, I can only be grateful to you babe. Thank you for scarring me. Thank you for the bruises. Thank you for the lies. Thank you for the damage. Thank you for leading me into the dark. If it was not for you then I would have never known the person I am today.

So let’s be free,
Let us see,
Where life takes us,
What we may end up to be,
But know something my love,
You have nothing on me,
Not anymore — not ever again.