Diary of Nobody -X-

If I had a time machine, would I travel back in time to relive my glorious days with you?
Yes, I would and then I would hit that ‘pause’ button so neither time nor the circumstances could take you away from me.

There was a time when my day didn’t begin unless I heard your voice. Your voice would bring millions of fluttering butterflies alive within me even when you were thousands of miles away. I needed your messages in every few hours to get me through the day. I didn’t need caffeine anymore; you had to fix me a dose – a love dose. I craved your company day and night. I wanted to watch our favorite movies and TV series together sharing a tub of popcorn, a can of coke and our warm bed. I needed you to melt me in your arms and steal me away from this world. I longed for your presence but the distance stood as a fatal barrier between us. I didn’t realize the precise moment when my sense of this world became entirely restricted to just one person – you.

You were a man of your own kind. I survived every challenge that came my way: from being unwanted sometimes to being unloved the other times; from being repeatedly taken for granted to being able to cope up with you cold attitude and mood swings every now and then. One second you were a warm lover and the other second a ferocious beast. I ensured myself that I would muddle through anything for us because you were my final destination. I didn’t see anything beyond you not because I couldn’t but because I didn’t want to. I was left shaken and traumatized after every one of your raging thunderstorms but I believed that my patience would pave rather a fine and lasting ground for us only for you to prove me wrong. I didn’t realize the precise moment when I had mistaken my flaws for my strength.

You have me wondering if I was just a fool in love. You have me wondering if there really was any fire of passion burning wildly in the depth of your eyes that enticed me. You have me wondering if our love was merely a delusion to justify the necessity to be with each other for a destined while. You have me wondering if you were me, would you love yourself the same way I do or cage your emotions and give up. You have me wondering if losing you is freedom or an imprisonment to my own existence. I didn’t realize the precise moment when these nerve-racking uncertainties overtook the empire of my reality.

Immortality

fountain_tree_of_life

Once upon a time, I believed in Magic 
When life was at its best to escape the tragic 
When dreams were lived in the reality 
When humankind was charged for its brutality 

Once upon a time, I believed in Life
When I discovered the path to my soul
When I realized I could rock and roll
When I fondly cherished my every goal 

Once upon a time, I believed in Love 
When I glared at the stars in the sky above 
When I persuaded myself to endeavor the nature 
When I saw my life’s very first dove 

Once upon a time, I believed in You 
When ‘Y’ were your dreams 
When ‘O’ were our obsessions 
When ‘U’ considered ultimately yourself 

But now, I believe in myself 
I believe in the fairy-tale to reveal itself 
I believe in the strength of love to overtake my reality
I believe to sow seeds of magic and embrace immortality

A Thoughtful Morning!

Today’s morning was different and beautiful. Not because I had consumed a good amount of caffeine or that I went for a long romantic drive but because I was awakened by a little baby who compelled me to abandon my dream valley. Usually I’m an early bird so I knew it wasn’t too late but finding a baby around my bed and my mum rushing all around with her high-pitched voice ensured me that today’s morning was dedicated to her guests. Without my spectacles, I am almost blind so I couldn’t make out how the baby looked like while I tossed and turned in bed fighting with the sheets and pillows. I rummaged on the bed trying to find my spectacles and finally GOTCHA! As soon as I saw that baby clearly; smiling to me holding the side of the bed, I dashed to her and held her in my arms! I then realized that brushing teeth first would be better and then after getting done with the morning systematic routine, I was with the baby. I have no clue why am I attracted towards babies too much but anybody can be the victim to their cuteness, isn’t it?

Innocence of babies is one main reason for attracting almost everybody. I love them for their beautiful ways to learn step by step. With a growing baby, you are learning new things everyday yourself. The babies never “GIVE UP”– a great lesson for all of us. They may fell down million times over when they are learning to walk or sit but their determination and will power is unbeatable. Trying to achieve what they see other people doing becomes their ultimate goal and they achieve it some way or the other. They start crawling, standing and then walking with support and then a time comes when the baby needs no support! His legs can bear his weight and he walks well enough. Life has a same psychology; it treats you like a baby. It bruises you and you have to learn to stand again. There may be many huddles and you may fell down many times over but your strength and determination is counted on for helping you to move on with the failures to embrace victory at the end of the day. I watched the baby who continuously tried to walk without support. She fell at times but all she did was look at me and laugh. It was the baby of some new neighbor who visited my mommy to know about the area and all. This baby made my morning pleasant and thoughtful. At times, life treats you in a certain way to learn from others being a mere observer. I was treated nobly by learning how a year old baby can be an inspiration for a new morning and the reason for my splendid smile.

Life is a saga
A panel of story ruled by the antagonist
Truth radiates the world

BETRAYAL (Part II)

Seeing is not believing,
Believing is not feeling.

As I heard him declaring his departure

He shot an arrow as miraculously as an archer

Listening to his bizarre words, I was on my knees

Possessed no strength to hear, smell, touch or see

I watched him parting in the dark rainy night

Wishing a final goodbye with a vivid smile radiating light

I strolled home single-handedly weeping and crying

His words stuttered in my mind – my tears complying

My mum awaiting me at the home’s door

Disguising the ache, the veil of bliss that I wore

She asked me where was I?

I sighed and told her a lie

How can I tell her it was a lad?

Who deceived and took everything I had?

My numb body directing my senses to the way to my room

Thoughts ruled my mind and soul – this appalling doom

I cursed myself for being in love as a dope

There was no rainbow after this rain, no bliss and no hope

He left me for the sake he was done

Likewise, he is going to find another one

He is a traitor, a betrayer and a player

Thus ruled my heart for an eternity as a mayor

Depression and distress was now the food to my soul

I salute him for his significant triumph to attain his desired goal

One day when no one was in the house

I clasped a knife due to that louse

To Be Continued…

Betrayal – Part I

Lived Up To Sway Passionately!

As we lived up to sway passionately!

Do you remember?
That boy from the mountains,
Where the dead-cold December,
And the freezing fountains,
Lived up to sway passionately.

The moment I saw him,
Butterflies attacked my belly,
My heart bleeped on a whim,
I melted like a jelly,
My lashes began to flutter,
As the rain drops drenched my face,
I rhythmically began to utter,
The love song rejoicing our dreamlike embrace,
His glimpse made my heart stutter,
As we lived up to sway passionately.

He was talking to his guy friends,
Smiling and laughing as his dimples sank,
Deep within his cheeks as I saw their ends,
Alas! What a beauty, my heart bowed to thank,
Could I touch him with my eyes?
Didn’t he observe me watching him?
Chills run down my spine as he tried,
To look at me with the corners of his eyes,
I turned around and smiled to myself,
As we lived up to sway passionately.

I turned back to find nobody in his place,
I cursed myself for moving my eye off his face,
I couldn’t let go off him – I need to chase,
My trembling heart began to race,
Racing heart couldn’t get back to its pace,
Just then I felt a sensational embrace,
Somebody tracing my arms from behind in-case,
I turned around and his smile shining down with grace,
His gleaming eyes requested for a dancing phase,
As we lived up to sway passionately.

The dance floor so welcoming yet,
All I could see was only him I bet,
He pulled me closer while I began to sweat,
Shoving off the anxiety – we were ready to set,
For a flight on his private jet,
A flight to the love land where I threat,
If biting on a poisonous apple would be my regret,
I didn’t let go off him as he gripped me tight,
Didn’t worry to have a poisonous bite,
My mighty strength announced him my personal knight,
I kissed him right and he made me fight,
To hug him tight and hold his sight,
As we lived up to sway passionately.

He bowed his head,
As his heart bled,
For our union in bed,
But I could not be misled,
By the crocodile tears he shed,
So I took a thread,
And tied it on his wrist until red,
He gave me the look of dread,
But I smiled as he fled,
To another land,
With another sexy damsel,
For another grand celebration on the stand,
As they lived up to sway passionately.

Eccentric Voyage Of Life

The feather thus soft, though caresses me hard,
My life is short but the expedition of million yards.

My body’s burly, how about its strength?
Come; get in my shoes to sense the weariness in length.

Rather I supplicate pardon at your doors, my Lord,
My attire’s worn out, my body gashed, stabbing my sins with your sword.

My blood is yellow as that of piddle,
Flowing to signify my sins, concealed as a riddle.

Why am I not apprehending my fault?
Why am I succumbing in this fatal vault?

Halter of a stallion, clasped in my hands,
As fast as I ride, endeavoring to conquer the productive lands.

My dreams are shallow, my heart bears a dark hole,
My soul persuades me to accomplish the past of my role.

My conjectures fail, defeat embraces me in a glance,
However I desire to see the colossal tower for my lost radiance.

Abiding the affliction, my bleeding feet propels the ground back,
The road is smooth but the audacity I lack.

Peace cuddles my soul, love sows new seeds,
Almighty is here to secure me, blessing me with the wisdom of His creed.

My lips are parched, my gaze standstill,
Is this The Glory Of Life I seek everywhere- desserts, forests and hills?

The body slackens its burden, I’m in trance,
Presence of my Almighty, craving every single opportunity for His glance.

My soul enlightens accounting the Heavens,
His commands are my constitution, His contentment my goal.

 

 

 

Tear Drops

Cry until happiness embraces the swollen eyes

The reflection unseen,
Craving a cup of caffeine. 

Red swollen face and the rolling tears,
To tug the outburst within revealing fears. 

The dark starry night thus so long,
Rumbling words tuning into a rhymed song.

The alcohol defy to tempt insanity,
The roller coaster of life betrays humanity.

My body’s numb and strength fatal,
Love rescues my conscience unstable.

Panic strangles the mystery,
Tear drops narrate their history.

The hasty breaths release the firm grip,
The grievous setback attempts to make a flip.

The calmness pleads the hustle bustle to take control,
Happiness forgives sorrow for its vicious role.

Endurance of tear drops uphold a smile,
The enchanting air heals the wounds in a while.

 

 

 

 

Escape (Part I)

Your every embrace;
Chasing the morning’s grace.

“Move FAST!!!” cried Jon with the racing heart and his voice competing the stereo speakers set up in the right corner of the club as soon as he saw Cara’s father investigating the security officers on the porch of the small hut. Cara is dressed in beautiful black strapless attire and dancing with her girl friends on the edge of the dance floor near the DJ setup off the floor. Jon thrashes everybody on his way to reach Cara and drapes her face with a piece of black cloth and rushes her through the crowd to the way to the backyard of the hut. Cara releases her hand from his firm grip to unveil his face and embrace him in her comforting warm arms sobbing quietly. Her tears rolling down her cheeks caresses the earlobe of Jon where a sensation is created – he wraps his arms around her as well and they sway with the wind on the edge of the sea shore while water waves play with their entwined feet.

The full moon shining above in the sky creates a miraculous reflection on the water waves crashing on their feet as they sit close to each other hunched on their knees carving each other’s name on the wet mud off the shore. Jon suddenly realizes that Cara is crying when a teardrop from her eye falls on his hand and he confronts her tugging the strands of her loose hair behind her ear and pulls her closer to wrap her in his arms.

“What’s the matter babe?” whispers Jon.

“Baby, I am scared. I want to convince dad to get us married”, explains Cara.

“Hons, you have crossed 18. You are legally an adult now and I love you”, argues Jon.

Cara bursts into a low-pitched cry and buries her face in the well-built chest of Jon. Jon is a dark guy with deep hazel eyes sparkling like the spaceships on the dark land of Pluto. His crooked nose compliments the pouch of his lips. This 6 feet and 2 inches guy stands like a huge pole where little Cara of 5 feet and 2 inches hides herself in him easily. His well-toned body has been an ever-lasting obsession and temptation for many girls but his heart has only accepted Cara as yet for she is his first girl-friend and doubtlessly the last one as he always reassured himself of his devastation if Cara would ever leave him.

Clutching each other – caressed by the wet mud,
Nothing dares to apart us – defeating the lasting flood.

Cara slept with her head tugged in his lap and he watched the beautiful girl lying before him like a beautiful mermaid sleeping peacefully after an exhausted journey. He combed her hair with his fingers while his other hand gripped her waist to support her in the posture she was sleeping. Suddenly, he felt a sensation down his right thigh urging him to move but he resisted to not disturb Cara’s serene sleep and drew his cell phone out of the right pocket of his denim jeans. He tapped the screen gently to see who it was and expectedly it was his mum inquiring about him. He made his way out of the inbox to check the time and his eyes darted the screen without blinking and it wasn’t later when he realized how it was too late to drop Cara home.

“Cara! Wake up sweetheart”, whispered Jon in her ear for he had no intention to knock down the serenity of seashore to pieces.

Cara moved but within the clutch of his arm as he had held her too firmly to let go.
”Babe! Its midnight, I need to drop you by your place sweetheart”, this time Jon’s voice was much louder than a mere whisper.

Cara opened her eyes squinting to the flashing white light of the pole reflected in Jon’s spectacles. “Baby, what’s the time?” Cara asked innocently.

“Quarter past MIDNIGHT,” The words shot as that of a missile and baffled Cara brushed the dust off her dress, yet wondering at the pace of time.
Jon looked at her patiently with a smile on his lips and within ten minutes they were standing on the porch of Cara’s home wishing each other goodnight. This was not the first time Jon has dropped her home at this hour of the dark starry night. The day they first met (the birthday part of Cara’s best friend); from that day onwards Jon knew the way to her home by heart.

Our first kiss under the sun-lit sky,
The fragrance of love – the naughty sigh.

Jon had turned back to return to the car but a hand grasped his wrist firmly and as he turned around, he saw Cara smiling naughtily yet with innocence.

“Baby, you are forgetting SOMETHING,” Cara encircled her arms around his neck and leaned in. Jon could then smell her strawberry shampoo, the soft scent of her enchanting perfume and within seconds he tasted her lip gloss. The feeling was too intense that he couldn’t make out the flavor of the lip gloss but all he could describe was that he wanted to taste the same lips for life time. Within seconds, Jon was driving to her home drunk in love.

Cara double crossed her fingers and gently inserted the key in the door knob and tried her best to not break the silence of the night. She recited a hymn she had learnt as a child in the church for self protection. As soon as she entered the hallway, the house was immersed in dark and without daring to turn on any light she headed upstairs but suddenly she was caught by the glow of a bright yellow light.

“Dad!” cried Cara trying to explain everything through the utter surprise.

“Yes Madam, what is the excuse for tonight?” the slurring words confirmed Cara that he had been drinking since a while or so.

“Dad, we will talk in the morning. You won’t understand anything right now.” Cara explained without hesitation. Instantaneously she saw her dad dashing to her while she stood firm in her place trying to bury her feet underneath the concrete floor. Her dad grabbed her by hair and banged her head against the wall.

“How dare you call me a drunkard?” he screams on the top of his voice scaring Cara to death. She is shivering from head to toe while her words stuttered and before she was able to utter a single word, she had been pushed by her father on the stair case whereas he left to prepare another drink for the night.

Cara’s father, Mr. Laurengram was a rich French business man who had married a Russian woman (Cara’s mother – Fiona Taylor) who died after delivering her first and last baby on the operation table. He was a caring father but what made him worse at times was his excessive consumption of alcohol and incredible possessiveness for his daughter. Mr. Laurengram never married again for he loved his first wife profoundly.  Apparently he loved Cara also but he had blamed her repeatedly at every stage of her life as he believed that the young girl was the murderer of his beloved wife and even after 19 years, he had not been able to get over the grief of his dead wife and continued accusing Cara for the great loss.

The quiet sobs under drifting breath,
Life is a curse – a wish for death.

Cara laid there on the stair case sobbing and wiping off the flowing tears. She could taste blood in her mouth but it was not a new story for her; she was well-aware of the consequences regarding the drunken man she lived with. She gathered all the energy needed to walk to her bedroom but she failed miserably. She knew that her physical strength might deceive her at times but emotionally she was as tough for a competition.