Diary of Nobody -VI-

Goodbyes and I get along very well — to an extent that I believe we are synonymous.

Once you told me: “Their loss if they don’t want to do anything with you. You are one of your very own kind — I don’t expect them to understand you.”

Now that you’ve said your last good-bye, what should I believe? That it’s your loss? That you didn’t understand me either? I don’t think so.

I was always a “misfit”. The society didn’t accept me for who I was. They wanted to mould me into somebody they would be pleased to interact with. I was not convinced to give myself up and I became a rebel. Being rebellious taught me a life-long lesson that I love to preach now: question everything (even an answer). It taught me the difference between right and wrong (something people don’t seem to understand for they are so busy blindly following the so-called ‘world trend’). They complained that I looked at things differently. They tried to silence me by bullying me. God knows how they felt about their failure after failure for I came stronger every time they made an aggressive move against me. They wanted to get rid of me and I made it my mission to ensure that they should never achieve their goal.

However, then you came along. Apparently, I was told that you liked me for me. You liked me for having a “voice” this world desperately needed. You liked me for having “questions” to challenge life on every step of my journey. You liked me for having an “aura” that was ever too visible. You liked me for having a compassionate “soul” that instantly connected with you. You liked me for my “smile” which in your opinion was evergreen. You always told me what you liked about me but how come you never stated one darn thing that led you to eventually dislike me? Was my “voice” too ground-breaking for you? Were my “questions” unanswerable and frustrating? Did my “aura” became invisible with time? Did my soul connected too much with you? How did my “evergreen smile” faded like an autumn breeze?

You had your mind and heart set on me and all you wanted was for me to make you the center of my world sooner or later. Why did you have to leave when all you ever wanted was in the palm of your hand? Or is it that I was always the “unwanted”?

I am bound to stitch,
The wounds we gave birth to,
I am bound to revive,
The dreams we shattered,
I am bound to adore,
The memories we shared together,
I am bound to live you,
For the rest of my life.

The Connection of My Soul with Evil

Across the shore, behind the rocks,
My wounded heart strangled in sinful locks.

I stretch my arms wide to embrace the globe,
The grief of denial – the soft whisper fondles my ear lobe.

The significance of my subsistence is fairly explained,
I wandered bare foot; my liberated soul detained.

The hustle bustle to seize the life’s train overwhelms me;
The horizon caresses my sight compelling me to flee.

Sorrow and distress soothes my soul;
Longing for agony performs a mighty role.

Blissfulness is neither my aim nor my consent;
Desires dwelling in my heart are slaughtered – twistedly bent.

The intoxicating air bruises my free will;
However leaving the world behind; my fingers feel the top-most hill.

Confessing my sins sanctifies me with a new life;
My soul is naked – transgressions excited to slash me with a knife.

The evil is tempted by the nobility of nakedness;
Thus wrapping the new-born soul in the garb of wickedness.

Several births in this world may not feed the soul with goodness;
Hence this world is the abode of evil upholding darkness and blindness.

 

May be >

Right turn, left turn or an absolute round about
“Where the hell are you”, I shout
Hasn’t he heard me screaming on his door?
Wide awake; I walk barefoot on the seashore
I feel his sight in the tranquility of the sea
I sense his touch in the caresses of the wind
I perceive his smell when it rains on me
And I dream of us entwined as one
May be this is a life about which my mum told me
When breathing is forced and the soul can’t be set free

I walk and walk when memories take over
The kisses I will cherish and caresses moreover
The sugar-coated words which echo like a mystery in my head
The open wounds which bled over the thousand tears I shed
I need his fingers to sew the wounds with a thread
I lust his aroma and the words unsaid
I feel his sight in the tranquility of the sea
I sense his touch in the caresses of the wind
I perceive his smell when it rains on me
And I dream of us entwined as one
May be this is a life about which my dad told me
When reality demands dreams and so do we

I glare at his silhouette on the sea
Hatred rushes in my blood along with the fire to avenge him
Gradually love for him melts my fury in a heart beat
I beg for the time to turn back and let me compete
The desire to rewrite my script on a new sheet
I crave his blood to refill my ink pen
I yearn for his one last touch all over again
I feel his sight in the tranquility of the sea
I sense his touch in the caresses of the wind
I perceive his smell when it rains on me
And I dream of us entwined as one
May be this is a life about which he told me himself
When a fairy tale can’t be dreamt or lived being yourself.

  

I am Destroyed!

When I realized – it was too late!

Tears of blood, predicting a flood;
Worn out soul, screeching in mud.

Splendid mornings turn out to rust;
Where shedding tears is considered must.

Sparkling eyes chasing crystals in the sky;
Thou each gaze pulls me strongly, making a way to die.

Strings of emotion tuned to deviate and devastate;
Crumbled heart seeking the happiness over-delayed.

The beauty of my soul vanishes away;
Thou enchant a spell to stand out in the breaking day.

Abhorring the wounds, all over the heart;
Surrendering to the agony, caused by the poisoned dart.

Thou snatched my life, scorned the blissful smile;
Blessing with the everlasting pain, in thee own style.

World around me perishes as thee left me forlorn;
Sweet smells bitter, flowers turn into painful thorns.

Invisible thee, but apparent to me;
Seeking thou in Eden, finding the glee.

Tear Drops

Cry until happiness embraces the swollen eyes

The reflection unseen,
Craving a cup of caffeine. 

Red swollen face and the rolling tears,
To tug the outburst within revealing fears. 

The dark starry night thus so long,
Rumbling words tuning into a rhymed song.

The alcohol defy to tempt insanity,
The roller coaster of life betrays humanity.

My body’s numb and strength fatal,
Love rescues my conscience unstable.

Panic strangles the mystery,
Tear drops narrate their history.

The hasty breaths release the firm grip,
The grievous setback attempts to make a flip.

The calmness pleads the hustle bustle to take control,
Happiness forgives sorrow for its vicious role.

Endurance of tear drops uphold a smile,
The enchanting air heals the wounds in a while.