Diary of Nobody -I-

I used to think of movies and books being too cheesy, over-dramatic and over-romantic for trying to show how one person can be on your mind for 24/7. I mean, you let your Ben & Jerry melt because you’re too busy thinking about somebody who might be having fun with somebody else (have some respect for Ben & Jerry – nobody gets to treat that tub of magic like that).

As a pedestrian, your life is even more miserable when in love. For instance, you have been waiting for the cars to stop so you can cross the street but once the traffic had stopped, you have been time-travelling within your own thoughts. Now somebody would have to nudge you to let you know that you can cross the road (only if you are fortunate enough for people to think that you are not crazy). Otherwise you would have the waiting and time-travelling game driving you mad.

I think what you are trying to do with your thoughts is none of my business but now that I am on the very same page as you, I know what you all have been up to. You are busy trying to keep your sanity intact. You are busy trying to control the traffic of your brain-cells from running into the business of your heart. You are at a crossroad and although it seems like everything is at a standstill; the world inside you is moving too fast (that’s exactly how I feel).

Yesterday, I was training for this new job that I have been recently shortlisted for (Congratulations to me). I was sitting in a big auditorium with lots of people. Their voices were like the annoying version of early-morning-chirping-birds. I was absolutely lost. Not because I was nervous or anxious about the training but because I was lost in your thoughts. I was wondering what you would be doing at that time when I was sitting there thinking about you knowing exactly that it was too early for you to be awake. I know how the time difference works between us so I was trying to sort out your routine for the day in my head. I also know that it’s none of my business now but I like to think of it as my business. I miss waking you up (worse off, I miss waking next to you – *sigh*, not again).

The whole world around me in that auditorium was buzzing with energy and the smell of sweat (they needed Febreeze). Everybody was trying to be social in their very own way and that is when I realized I wanted to run away from that place. On more than one occasion, people tried to start a conversation with me but I didn’t show quite an interest in their conversation so they didn’t bother either. I just wanted you there. I wanted to laugh with you. I wanted to play that game we used to play where we would guess ‘who is who’ and stereotype people (how sweet evil devils we used to be together). I wanted you on my team, right by my side.

It’s not that you have made me anti-social. I have always hesitated being around new people. Socializing and striking conversations has never been my cup of tea but it reminds me of how easily you would crack jokes around people to make them comfortable. You were an absolute ‘pleaser’. Although mostly, you’d enjoy staying in with me because apparently on the outside you were this people-friendly guy but on the inside you had some trust issues because of bad experiences so we both were all the same for different reasons. I loved it when we could stay in all day long, binge on snacks, order takeaway and watch Netflix for the entire day. You would get hungry after every hour (sometimes even less) but skinny people like you always have the advantage over food. How I miss those memorable days and wish for them to return (Not again – Control your emotions *breathe in and breathe out*).

Yesterday was a pain in my bum. I didn’t know why you kept visiting me in my thoughts so often. I wish you could visit me in reality though. Hey, I’m not trying to be cheesy but my heart was aching – that is how much I missed you yesterday. Do you miss me? Do you miss the thought of being around me?

I have a better question. Do you even love me?

I wish you’d come back one day,
I wish for our love to take you high,
It’s only you I want to be with,
Over the time, I have learnt to love our differences,
Over the time, I have learnt this little trick,
Keep fooling your heart,
‘Cause the love they talk about,
It is merely a myth.