Double Standard

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It’s not hurt that conquers my heart but it’s you. I am what my past has made me and it’s all about you – it’s all about us. The pain that comes with being a part of you is somewhat enchanting. I find my comfort in your arms. I seek my love in your eyes. I recognise myself in the purpose of your existence. It’s unbelievable that you will play a double standard game but then after all you are one of your kind – unpredictability is in your blood.

I can breath you in all day long. I can feed on the curves around your lips forever. I can watch myself in the depth of your eyes for every second left of my life. I can forgive you but not forget you. I can love you but not leave you. I can please you even at the expense of who I am but you won’t see, you won’t listen and you won’t even understand. All that I was and all that I have become is to you just another pawn in your double standard game.


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For a second, I thought I lost you. Your fingers let go of my hand and your pulse plays hide and seek with me. Your eyes are shut and your face is calm as if angels have already arrived. Suddenly, I hear you mumbling..

‘Mitsy, please don’t leave me‘.

I don’t know what to do, I feel powerless, as if I am shackled in chains of self destruction. How can I let you go when you have asked me not to?

‘Darling, I am right here’, I whispered.

You hold my hand as tightly as you can but I feel nothing. Your eyes are teary but you wouldn’t say a word. Of course, you and your feminine strength! But I know, beneath this Iron Lady of mine, there is my little chunky bear who is crying and hurting and I cannot do anything about it.

‘You ate anything?’, you struggled to speak.

‘Shush, don’t you speak! You worry too much’, I smiled.

I vowed to you on our wedding day that I will be there by your side forever and will catch every one of your teardrop before it lands on your cheek. Now for the first time I have failed to fulfil my vow. As I see a teardrop moistening your cheek, I scoop it gently with my finger before it dissolves in your skin. I feel like a criminal in my own body. You are not supposed to break like this. One after the other, each day is draining you out and as much as I want to take you away from all this, I cannot. It’s difficult to believe that humans like us can become this vulnerable and incapable that we have to give up to nobody but ourselves – our very own body.

I feel sick to my stomach watching these doctors fiddle with your body like a mechanic would with an automobile. I am watching you while these doctors are trying to understand your body. Your body is complex and functions differently than mine. It is attacked by those microscopic things called germs. As a child, I always thought of these germs as a creation of the imagination of Science. Perhaps, now I stand corrected. Doctors tell me that the germs attacking you are not ordinary germs we might be affected by if we don’t take care of our hygiene. Instead they are pretty dangerous; deadly enough to change the will of your body. Now, as your body and germs fight as one, so must our spirits in this battle for life.

While these doctors are trying to do their job, you are peaceful like angels have taken you away from me. For a second I think I have lost you all over again but it’s the story of my life. Your disease is draining the life out of your system and watching you come and go is draining mine.

Journey for two

We're meant to be one - two bodies but a single soul!

We’re meant to be ‘one’ – two bodies but a single soul.

The core of my heart is blue,
Seeking love to breakthrough,
Enchanted in your spell, I knew,
Life will never give me such a view,
I abandoned everybody in my crew,
Fearless, I lived on the edge like you,
Suddenly, it was me drinking your youth,
I poised motionlessly on the truth,
I surrendered my freedom to you,
I poisoned my self esteem to get through,
I stabbed my courage before it grew,
I let my passion burn in ashes few,
I disarmed myself for there was nothing due,
No battles anymore, the pictures I drew,
The Blood spattered wind as it blew,
For now was the time to comprehend this clue,
The journey of love is a ride for two.


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Almost()

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Almost absolutely,
He took away my breath;
Almost single-handedly,
He conquered my heart.

Almost immediately,
He confessed his love;
Almost spontaneously,
He promised me a ‘Forever’.

Almost motionlessly,
He made his first move;
Almost gracefully,
He lifted me in his arms.

Almost generously,
He blew his kisses;
Almost miraculously,
He built us up.

Almost quickly,
He savored every inch of my body;
Almost boldly,
He claimed what belonged to him.

Almost effortlessly,
He became my world;
Almost promptly,
We were each other’s abode.

Almost massively;
We grew in love;
Almost flawlessly,
We held each other.

Almost necessarily,
We chose a wrong path;
Almost certainly,
We agreed to separate.

Almost accusingly,
His eyes didn’t utter a word;
Almost mournfully,
I accepted the Fate’s challenge.

Almost shortly,
I realized what I had lost;
Almost horrifyingly,
There was no way back.

Almost carefully,
I took a wound to my heart;
Almost soothingly,
I lived in peace with the pain.

Almost hungrily,
I waited and waited;
Almost harshly,
I realized the truth.

Mostly, life will almost stop happening;
If I can precisely predict about its certainty.


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Invisibility

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For as long as she was in his life, my presence wouldn’t count. For as long as I will have to be compared to an image of another being who was clearly seamless, I wouldn’t relish my imperfect reality. For as long as I was invisible to him, I would have to retaliate to convince him that I exist; that I have feelings too and that there beats a heart in the centre of my body that is capable of loving and hating. Now, it was in his hands to decide which of the lesser evil to choose.

Beyond Betrayal

I surrender to the voice of your heart; Hold me tight before the good tear us apart!

I surrender to the voice of your heart;
Hold me tight till death do us part!

I am tired of pretending that everything is fine;
There are deep scars behind this smile of mine.
I am over-thinking and playing with insanity in my head;
I am wide awake but my body is sleeping instead.
“I want to talk it out”, you screamed;
I stayed quiet and guide you through my thoughts as it seemed.
You penetrate through the cells of my mind;
My body’s alert with its defense guarded in case you’re left behind.
As my system senses an intruder within;
It shuts down immediately before it could sin.
I hear your voice echoing in my brain;
As my body experiences shock and strain.
My immune system is ashamed and has no other choice;
My body is already losing its voice.
What about my heart; will it stop beating?
Will you be satisfied now that finally God and I will be meeting?
Now that I know my body betrayed me;
Destined to be dead, destined to be free.

Clueless

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“You’re hilarious!” exclaimed Aryan. Estella was observing Aryan chuckling with his friends from the corner of her eyes. His crystal aura and blue eyes at once earned him the attention of an attractive woman. Estella was convinced that he was not an ordinary man. She knew that he will be her last resort. She marched across the room and introduced herself to him. When she smiled, his knees were weak and he fell onto the ground leaving the crowd clueless. His eyes were shut and Estella disappeared in the smoke of the night. Estella was his imagination – a death call.

Lived Up To Sway Passionately!

As we lived up to sway passionately!

Do you remember?
That boy from the mountains,
Where the dead-cold December,
And the freezing fountains,
Lived up to sway passionately.

The moment I saw him,
Butterflies attacked my belly,
My heart bleeped on a whim,
I melted like a jelly,
My lashes began to flutter,
As the rain drops drenched my face,
I rhythmically began to utter,
The love song rejoicing our dreamlike embrace,
His glimpse made my heart stutter,
As we lived up to sway passionately.

He was talking to his guy friends,
Smiling and laughing as his dimples sank,
Deep within his cheeks as I saw their ends,
Alas! What a beauty, my heart bowed to thank,
Could I touch him with my eyes?
Didn’t he observe me watching him?
Chills run down my spine as he tried,
To look at me with the corners of his eyes,
I turned around and smiled to myself,
As we lived up to sway passionately.

I turned back to find nobody in his place,
I cursed myself for moving my eye off his face,
I couldn’t let go off him – I need to chase,
My trembling heart began to race,
Racing heart couldn’t get back to its pace,
Just then I felt a sensational embrace,
Somebody tracing my arms from behind in-case,
I turned around and his smile shining down with grace,
His gleaming eyes requested for a dancing phase,
As we lived up to sway passionately.

The dance floor so welcoming yet,
All I could see was only him I bet,
He pulled me closer while I began to sweat,
Shoving off the anxiety – we were ready to set,
For a flight on his private jet,
A flight to the love land where I threat,
If biting on a poisonous apple would be my regret,
I didn’t let go off him as he gripped me tight,
Didn’t worry to have a poisonous bite,
My mighty strength announced him my personal knight,
I kissed him right and he made me fight,
To hug him tight and hold his sight,
As we lived up to sway passionately.

He bowed his head,
As his heart bled,
For our union in bed,
But I could not be misled,
By the crocodile tears he shed,
So I took a thread,
And tied it on his wrist until red,
He gave me the look of dread,
But I smiled as he fled,
To another land,
With another sexy damsel,
For another grand celebration on the stand,
As they lived up to sway passionately.

Incredible’s Credibility

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all 

“Once it happened that I was….”

Laura was interrupted by her only little angelic daughter Mary while she was communicating with one of her million fans in the same book shop; where masses have awaited her arrival from a long time since her last book broke the records claiming to be a BESTSELLER with 100,000 copies sold across the world in no time. Everyone wanted to catch a single glimpse of this beautiful saintly lady whose age was all a mystery for the exquisite world but the light lines across her cheeks and under her eyes was evident enough for her not-so-far OLD AGE prepared to embrace her anytime from now. Laura, a journalist and a columnist, working for a well known newspaper in Boston loved to share her world with her readers and so her exclusive attempt on scratching her heart out on paper in the form of a book of 472 pages was proved to be a right decision for a boost up in her career.

”Mum, can I please have your sign too?” Laura laughed her heart out and managed to convince her little angel on the matter of fact if it was okay for her to sign Mary’s home lesson diary once they drove back to home. Lately, after spending an hour or two in the same place in between her admirers, she returned back home, earlier than expected. She possessed warmth and affection for her family and home equal to that of her career and profession. She mastered the skills to balance everything in life hand in hand; there was nothing at all where her expertise had failed. Simply, Laura was a versatile woman who knew she had to jog in the morning, work out in the evening, be punctual at work, respond to her fans in due time, perform house chores and give all her remaining valuable time in the proper upbringing of the little Laura growing up under her nose. The sole reason why her home was yet a home, though being run by a celebrity was, her ultimate struggle to place her family before her promising future. This was the single handed answer to the bliss prevailing in her cozy abode.

She overlooked the lush green plains and vigilantly observed the sun ruling each and every bit of the land bathing the world with its dazzling ray beams addressing the mass about the functional importance of hope in life; which can be bitter or sweet simultaneously. The blue sky appeared like the protecting shield for Mother Earth, the squeaking birds seemed like speaking a valid language which could be deciphered by her and the world felt contracted as if nothing exists but only her home in space where she have to live isolated from the world till eternity. Her imaginary world was erupted once at a sudden when memories broke off in between leaving her body numb and mind hysterical, the past shook her from head to toe which reminded her of the accident that ruined her world partly, snatching away her finest possession and blessing in a heartbeat. She knew that she could never see him again and that they will now meet in Heaven only but there was dark side of her that regretted his departure from this universe leaving her forlorn and bare handed. Laura was thrown back in the present from those brutal memories that haunted her every now and then when she found herself trembling. She moved away from the window and seated herself in an arm chair soothing her pulse so as to regain the peace of mind. Laura, though missed her husband, but at the same time was thankful to Almighty for the everlasting sign of her husband in the form of Mary, she could still feel him compelling her to pursue the path of her desires. Laura sensed anxiety, uneasiness, stress and strain as if something worse was to be happening in near future. She neglected the uprising discomfort ruining her peace of mind and opted to meander more independently leafing through the GOLDEN REGISTERS, recalling her good times and bad times with him. Suddenly her heartbeat quickened and her racing heart shot for the moon when she realized why she was missing him so much. It was HIS day, his birthday, the day when his mother held him in her arms for the first time caressing and stroking him, realizing the gem in her hands she was blessed with. The tranquility and harmony in the room entertained her with his invisible presence, she could feel his hands over hers encouraging her to follow the same pathway leading to the achievement of the desired dreams, she dreamt as an adolescent. She could feel his gaze upon her encouraging her solace splendor, she could feel his lips on her ear lobe whispering how much he loved her and will continue to until FOREVER.

”Mum, mum, mum!!! Are you listening to me?”, Marry cried on the top of her voice.

Laura was set back from the fast track drive of delusion when her daughter applied brakes to the rushing memories dissolving her in the solution of PAST. She smiled when she saw Mary in front of her, the little reporter she had in her home who bombarded her with plenty of questions in a bit of every second.

”Mum, what do you think more often?”

Laura shifted in bed, sitting with an upright posture so that Mary could rest her head in her welcoming lap. Laura stroked her hair trying to hide her trembling hands which merely expressed her distressed state and the inexorable war with her delusions even now, with Mary around her.

”Honey, mum have to think about everything; like you think about school, mum have to think about various things at a time”, Laura said gently.

”But mom, I don’t have to stand by my window to think about school”, Mary answered instantaneously. Laura faked a smile and kissed Mary on her forehead.

”When you will reach my age, these fields will attract you more than a couple of Barbie dolls and stuff toys in your room.”

”Mum, when you were in school, were you a lot famous like today?” Mary asked innocently adjusting herself in the bed.

Laura wondered how her 9 year old daughter makes her speechless with every other question more startling than the previous one.

”No baby, instead I never had friends. No one liked to be around me”, Laura blurted out absently.

”Mum, were they jealous that how you will become a celebrity one day?”

”Hons, its mum’s turn now! How can you frame such questions that relate me to…….”

Before Laura could complete her sentence, her cell phone beeped indicating a text message that reminded her how she had to go to a party today that was kept by her colleagues to celebrate her recent success, the award she got as a best columnist from The Times OF Boston.

”Come on baby, it is time for you to go to bed. You can continue your interview tomorrow, on the way to school, madam”, Laura remarked sarcastically.

This time, both of them laughed hard until they gave up in Mary’s bed where Laura hummed a lullaby and Mary was asleep in the matter of few minutes. Laura wore stunning black attire and just after few minutes she was found in her garage opening the door of the driver seat of her Mercedes and pulling the car on the street and driving all the way to The Resort, the venue of the party!

Apparently, she appeared to be in the state of mere ecstasy but behind the curtains was an explicit sorrow that no one can feel or see except of herself. She felt doomed at times when she had to believe that the man, who vowed to keep her happy for lifetime on 10th February 2001 (their wedding day) was no more in this world to keep the promise he made 11 years back, he was no more to uplift her in the difficult times instead he left her in the midst of life to struggle for owning bliss when she knew that happiness would never open its arms to embrace her cause she had abandoned that path a long time before. She wandered wildly in every bit of her head to explore the reason for the flabby smile she needed to paint on her lips for the world; no one realized how exhausted she was to keep faking the same smile when underneath the thorns clutched her firmly that she succumbed every incoming breath because her heart and soul always contradicted with each other, she was deceiving the entire WORLD.

However, lost in her own world, she lost the control over the convertible and her vision blurred. Within a minute, she had no control over herself as well. Her clammy hands went numb, her legs were trembling and tears were streaming down her eyes. She didn’t stop DRIVING. This time, everything vanished; she did not want to regain her senses and Almighty listened to her. It was very late this time when she realized that her convertible had hit the trunk of a huge tree and blood splashed coloring the windshield red. The bonnet was smashed and the car was totally wrecked from the front, she didn’t lose her conscience by that time. Soon enough she heard a BANG and was thrown out of the car. This warrior lady was still breathing in spite of her face being caked with blood and her dress being all drenched in the same fluid. She smiled, this time genuinely. May be this time, she could see the angels along with Adam. May be this time, she knew she will attain eternal happiness. Laura felt her soul descending for the astral journey when she finally voice her thoughts huffing and puffing, smiling elegantly,

”Thank you, Thank you for making things easier for ME.”

”Granny, did she die?”, John broke the silence.

”Well, I told you the whole story, now you have to think about it dear.”, granny responded sleepily.

Granny walks out of the room, leaving John with Laura’s baffling words echoing in his head which leads him to end up in bed dreaming about a mysterious beginning again, that will be made into a story by granny the following night.