Sometimes when I go back in time, it amazes me how very convinced you were with the thought of abandoning me and giving up on our relationship when we had been through so much to make ‘us’ possible. You didn’t care a darn about giving us up but you were not ready to give up on your bad habits. How can you prioritize everything in this world over me when I on the other hand always kept you and your happiness as my very first priority?
You know what’s the worst part? I am not angry with you (Yes, absurd but true). I am hurt and offended and disappointed but I am not angry. Instead, I still
“It was your fault to always try to make us work. You should have not been the one picking up the broken pieces every single time. You should have kicked me out of our house.”
You said that trusting you entirely and blindly was my only flaw and that I should have been more alert. I apologize babe because I was too busy making you happy that I forgot that I had to play a psychotic-spy-wife role where I had to tap your phone and check your emails. I might have taken it too far with respecting your privacy and personal space but what did you mean when you said that I should have been more ‘alert’? What in the world did you wanted me to do? I will tell you something about trust that you have never been told before: You trust somebody completely or you don’t trust them at all, period.
They tell me to forget you – how does one erase memories? Make new memories. It hurts me to know that eventually I will have to watch you fade away in my subconscious world. But then if I have the courage to watch you leave my reality then the fading-away-business shouldn’t be so painful (just a thought, I can be wrong too).
It will take me some time to accept that my future will not have you in it – That you will live in my past.
Flawless as I may seem,
Perfection is an imperfection itself,
I may be just a sweet dream,
A living nightmare and the unheard screams.