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Relationship Trauma!

NOTE: Thank you so much for keeping a track to my site even when I was not posting, the stats are evident. Thank you for the shower of those beautiful mails who wanted to inquire about my NO-POSTING season, your care and love for me moved me to the core and that is how I planned on updating the blog today in spite of the busy schedule – your over-whelming love can break the barriers of the cold working schedule. I am blessed to have a bunch of sincere readers who seek my work and look up to me. Thank you once again for all the mails, they are worth million gems and I will surely be getting back to each one of them. I hope that my readers can compromise on my delayed posting though I will try to post at least once a day and if not possible then at least once in three days. The posting may be affected but I ensure that the reading hours won’t be reduced – all the blogs I follow will be read and fed with likes and comments where necessary. Thank you for the cooperation.

 

It has been three years, two months, twenty-seven days, seven hours, five minutes and thirty-seven seconds (to the date) when I met him for the first time. I was always pretty precise about our timings as it was always a treat to make him feel special with such remarkable moves that helped me look at him gaping with surprise at how perfect I was at times especially when it was concerned with him. I never intended to sound over-efficient or behave over-smartly but my target was to feed him with pleasure and happiness all at once. The stories of his past haunted him every now and then and I believed that it was my responsibility to ensure him that he was cherished and his present was much better than what he had expected of his future in the past. My efforts always wanted to pursue the desires of his heart so that he could feel the warmth and passion of love burning within me for him – his appearance may not be the factor for why was I attracted towards him but certainly his soul was primarily a key reason for my helpless condition. Despite of all my efforts, I believe I lack immensely from time to time. This feeling first bothered me when I realized that his way of expression and the incredible charm was fading – it was not my sight which has to be blamed but he really was changing. I did not have the nerve to ask him if he was not interested in continuing what we had between us – a blend of friendship that was transforming into love on my part and I was unaware of how his heart would respond to my feelings. The change in attitude is always evident and with time I saw his attitude rusting. I feared to let go of him – how would I ever feel if he would someday introduce me to the love of his life unaware of how my heart raced for him incredibly. How could he ever deny that when he called me beautiful, I blushed because there is really something happening deep down within me when he praises me. How could he not know that when we linked arms and walked together at the Christmas party of the school for the first time, I felt like a fairy-tale princess and I wanted to pause the life at that very moment to glance at him for eternity. Was he really unaware of my feelings unless I expressed myself in those three letter essential yet worthless words? How could I ever forget that moment when he said: “Darling, I was waiting for an eternity to hear it. Oh my goodness, I love you so much too”. He embraced me and I felt secured in his arms – first time ever after my daddy was gone and never held on to my finger because of his lousy second wife and her sons that comparatively seemed better to him than me and my mum. I can never compare him to my dad as I never found him a moral person but this guy; he was beyond morality for me.  Unfortunately, we always are immature and perceptive when the mind stops functioning and it is the chords of heart that tunes in to write the lyrics of our love song. He repeatedly betrayed me whenever he said that he loved me and I was such a fool that I actually believed him every time his cold gray eyes deceived me with the floral words he uttered. I have no idea what was my ranking on his list but he was the first one for me and the last one too (This thought was shaken when he left me all on my own at the eleventh hour)
 
Doubtlessly, he treated me exceptionally. He lived in the hostel of the campus as his home was situated in some other city but he would always walk me to my home which was a 15 minutes walk from the school campus. He would often slip his arm around my waist to hold me against him firmly or would hold my hand tracing my fingers gently on our way to home. Everything he did was charismatic or may be I was new to flirting even at the age of 19. We went to the cinema a couple of times together and all he did was look at me; I would punch his well-built chest muscles as I was shy but he used to sit there looking at me the entire time and laugh out loud when I used to sob gently (on an emotional scene) with my tears fluttering on my cheeks and then he would gently press his pinky finger against my cheeks to wipe away the tears. When we used to head out of the cinema, he always babbled about my red rosy cheeks – rosy was the word he used for my cheeks. He knew that if I would laugh or cry I will turn red like a tomato within a second and this was one reason he used to call me “Rose” so that he can tease me with his enthralling smile and lure me with his appealing flirtiest voice. He always encouraged my natural looks – he thought ”NO-MAKEUP”  made me stand above all the girls in our school and he repetitively mentioned how he loved me for my simplicity. His gentle kisses on my forehead when he would cup my face in his hands always enhanced my confidence and strengthened my love for him. The first time he ever kissed me on my lips was stupendous – for a moment I thought life was at a standstill as if I was drawn away from this world to the Heavens and I enjoyed a flight with angels. It was quick but this was the first time I could smell his Tony & Guy gel cream, his strong after shave and the strawberry cologne that enchanted me to remain like this forever. He was a gentleman – I realized it when he plunged his gray eyes into my chocolate brown and uttered the three magical words for the last time. Are you wondering where did he go? I don’t know myself. After our graduation, he ensured me that we would marry and he would do all he can to make me meet his parents. One day after two months he called on my landline – I ripped open my heart and started screaming at him over the receiver. I cursed him for being out of contact, for switching off his cell phone and simultaneously I cursed myself for not taking his home address, if that could have been one way to be in contact through postal cards and letters! After listening to me calmly, he uttered in the cold voice (an anonymous voice I was unaware of), “We can not work out. I think we should part our ways”. The receiver dropped from my hand and I was shaken from head to toe. I didn’t have the strength to uplift myself and I fell onto the ground when my toe hit the corner of the table and my toe-nail was scraped from the corner oozing the red liquid that was none of my concern anymore – my heart was bleeding much more than what drenched the bottom of my trousers and spilled on the floor. I got up and dug myself in bed – not just for one day but for many days that continued for several months but my mum’s patience always fed me with the stamina to bear the hardships coming my way. I tried calling him twice on the same number from where he had called but it was a local phone booth number in Edinburgh. He was sly to never leave a trace of him in my life and vanish like a shooting star.

 

A story like this or multiple stories with various differences are being heard every day by us or one of our colleagues. What do we do after hearing them? Feel pity for them?? The root of the problem in anyway does not focus on the betrayal with girls specifically but it focuses on the “STRATEGY OF A RELATIONSHIP” – there could be a guy in this girl’s place too cursing the turmoil of the past. Previously, I have been going through various blogs where girls and guys write their heart out. They believe that writing can help them with the speedy recovery; well doubtlessly this is a good idea but there are certain remedies that can help heal the open wounds or instead help you be aware of the relationships before hand.

 

There are five BEWARES I will list under their respective headings to counter once you think that the relationship you desire should be serious:

FREEDOM GRANTED:

Once you are committed, the possessiveness should be under control. Let the other person breathe at least. Life and love is not about tying your loved ones instead the more you allow freedom the more trust is promoted within a relationship. Suspicion should be kept aside as this is one tool that should never be used throughout the life time.

 

SOCIAL CIRCLE IS NECESSARY:

There are majority of the love cases where they give up their healthy social life because the charm of each other’s arms is much more thrilling than partying out with friends on a beach party. This idea may not sound lame but once the relationship does not turn out to be long-termed, life is no less than a hell when you do not have friends around to support you. However, friends and a lover should have their respective places and the time should be accordingly divided.

ACADEMICS:

For students and teenagers who willingly involve themselves in love mantras during their studying years is not at all a good idea. There is an age and time period for everything. This love factor encourages you to compromise on the part of your academics which as a result affects your grades; hence even if a relationship is serious in your career years, make sure you have bound circle set around you or a time table to help you plan out everything requiring your immediate attention.

LOVE IS NOT LIFE:

People who can not recover over a relationship or goes in a certain painful trauma are usually the ones who are new to the world of “LOVE”. Either it may be the first time they have been serious regarding a relationship or it must have been their first long-termed relationship. Whatever the reason may be, make sure life and love are two separate key words. Love happens in LIFE. Therefore, life is a primary word and it should be lived and cherished with or without love from a lover. After all, love encounters are a part of the life time but life itself is a one-go blessing!

INVOLVE PARENTS:

Once you think that the relationship is pretty serious, involve your parents. If one side is reluctant to involve parents, make sure you get through the reason and if there is no reason then obviously there is a sour smell of your rotting relationship. Therefore, if both are willing to involve parents, this is a very good sign for a healthy relationship. The meeting of your loved one with your parents would help you take an advice from them who usually are more mature, practical and experienced regarding these matters.

REMEDIES IF YOU HAVE ALREADY BEEN DITCHED

A HEALING PEN:

Write your heart out on a piece of paper and burn the paper right in front of you or shred it into pieces. No need to keep a record of what you write and if you desire to keep a record or maintain a diary, it is ultimately as per on your own wishes. The key point is jotting down the wounds to let them heal. Once your heart is lightened from the burden of sorrow, you are good to go!

HANGING OUT:

After a break up, no one desires to expose themselves to the world of the embarrassment or rather they hate the sunshine as they believe the light of hope in their lives had vanished. In such a condition, compelling one’s self to go out and cherish nature helps in a million ways. Your mind wanders around the circumstances but nature engages your attention quite well. Even if friends are around they can be a pretty good treat too. Therefore, this compelling may sound like forcing one’s self but at the end of the day it helps you to heal fast.

THANKING THE ALMIGHTY:

In such circumstances when we are suffering of sorrow and misery, all we are capable of is cursing God. This lame act consequently reminds me of how we can stop thanking Him for ending the unpleasant trauma at an early stage and after all He is the Creator – He would never take a bad decision for us. The trust and faith in Him always is a positive vibe to continue with life cheerfully.

CRYING DOES HELP:

At times, all we would desire is to cry until our tears are dry. Do as per the desires of your heart. Cry as much as you want. It helps in reducing the burden off your heart. At the end either you would fall asleep or feel better than what you felt before. Crying your heart out is a simple yet a great remedy.

DIVERT YOUR ATTENTION:

Indulge yourself in various activities to pursue your personal interest so you are not left with the long hours thinking about the turmoil of the past. Enroll yourself to learn new interesting things, read books, paint on the canvas, make handicrafts, spend your time walking along the sea shore, doing work out and etc. In short, treat yourself with a tough routine which will help you to forget about the past readily and your attention will be diverted towards various other things of your interest.

YOGA & MEDITATION:

Yoga and mediation is a ready-made remedy. Once you know yoga, you have a good option to recover with the lightening speed and if not then enroll yourself for the yoga classes and the difference can be felt instantaneously. Yoga and meditation helps you to attain peace of mind by soothing your heart pulse and brain nerves. This automatically drives you out of the horrid trauma that is the unpleasant present of the destiny for an amusing life experiences.

LEARN THE LESSON:

Feeling betrayed by a loved one is painful. Feeling that your trust and relationship were not valued by the other person is difficult to bear but learn the lesson on your way. Betrayal teaches you not to idolize the external sources. Learn the lesson of forgiveness.  After all, life is the name of “Moving On”!

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About globalunison

Writing is my passion and that is what I do here on this blog. I write about everything, whether it be Nature, Love, Hate, Relationships, Humans, Personal Life (where I discuss lessons learnt through real-life experiences), Food, Philosophy (sometimes) and much more. I write in any form whether it be Prose or Poetry. I am in search of ‘Myself’, hence there is not much I can tell you about me. Perhaps, I have a very brilliant idea. Why don’t you come along with me on my journey? I will always care to share and you can also enjoy the ride. For now, this is it. I am ‘ME’ – a wanderer in search of a fulfilling life. Until next time, Love Living Life! I express my sincere gratitude to all my Readers! -Naima

46 responses to “Relationship Trauma!

  1. artzent

    This is a very long post . You should not have to post again for another week! Just kidding! It is full of wisdom as usual.

  2. Great article, and obvious insight from your own experiences here.

    • Thank you Alex! Life always offers experiences – sometimes learning is offered after suffering and sometimes the observation can be a learning within itself, depends on which mode suits us the most. Thank you for your humble comment!
      Blessings,
      -Naima.

  3. billgncs

    young love is passionate and sweet and strong, but often circumstances and people change. But one can have more than one great love if they are willing to love greatly.

    As I often told my daughters ( and now you, smile ) boys are like street cars, miss one catch the next.

    • Well, the street cars example is way too awesome! It all depends on the capability to love, after all betrayals are part of life!
      Thank you for your kind advice, I have made a note in my head as a reminder for life!! Thank you 😉
      Love & Blessings,
      -Naima.

    • isaac976

      first time I am hearing that guys are being treated like street cars, LoL.. but you are right, everyone can have more than one great love.

      -isaac

      • billgncs

        just takes the courage to do so… hope you find yours ( the analogy can work across genders if thst helps )

      • Hahaha 😀 Isaac, I heard it for the first time too but it really sounds interesting!
        Well, not to offend any guy in here, but my friend who has been ditched plenty of times (even when she was serious at times with few of her boy friends) told me that guys are like dogs searching for a bone. Let them chase the bone but don’t spoon feed them by serving them yourself in a plate otherwise you will never be valued! She is may be right! her logic works too!!
        Well, more than one love! I don’t know whether to agree or not cause I have seen people mourning over one person throughout the life time but after all as I said before too, life is the name of Moving On!
        -Naima.

  4. Balu

    Thanks for the Bewares and remedies. Btw…your writing is so real.

  5. A fine and honest read. Thanks for sharing

  6. pennycoho

    Excellent post. Every girl, woman should read these words, so sadly and beautifully truthful. Thank you for sharing!

    • Thank you Penny for dropping by! I found your blog interesting too – well the truth of life is all about love; once we are expose to the reality of love we can always work out with the positive vibes keeping in view the pros and cons.
      Thank you for your kind comment.
      Much love,
      -Naima.

  7. Haha! Being frank, when I starts reading this post there occurs some occult misunderstandings in me regarding the characters you exposed. Whether she/he had any resemblance with SOMEONE I know?? LOL. 😀
    But by the mid of the story, I have found out some unconscious shivery twists which provokes me to think that this must be a splendid story written by our SUPERB-COOL gal. 😛
    The ending was not a predictable one, but bit sentimental though. :/ Fall in love isn’t at all a big deal for boys in comparing with you guys I guess. As one among the above verdicts mentioned, “Boys are like street cars, miss one catch the next.”
    Hence I strongly agrees with the point that expels the view of a gal before she go for such a TOPSY-TURVY job. LOL. 😀
    And it’s not so a COMPLICATED task for a gal to survive, who got failed in continuing a relationship in our present generation according to my views. Anyway, as usual I had an awesome read through this share dear. \m/ 🙂

    -Rahul

    • Hey Rahul! Thank GOD you didn’t think it was my story cause it is just a way to build up the text so as to discuss the pros and cons of such relationships which are a big root problem of our society now a days!! This just proves that you do know me well and you do read with a strong feel – that is why ya figured out it wasn’t me but just a super emotional self-written story! (I tried to be romantic but can’t reach up to your level 😉 )
      Well, guys fall easily and they come outta trauma easily, its proven. May be because of their non-serious attitude or may be because of their nature! It totally depends!
      Anyhow, thank you for your comment as always!!
      Much love,
      -Naima.

      • Nope Naima! You are absolutely a romantic class beam. 😛 😀 It’s only because of that, I felt this share as a unflagging piece from our Versatile gal. Especially this stuff! Hope you got me in the right sense itself. LOL. 😀 😉
        It’s still unknown that, why do these guys keeps majority in this kind of emotions when comparing with you people. Is that all because of the excess secretion of sexual hormones, which could be a scientific aspect behind the query? Or whether the god almighty made this gender in such way for the better makeup of wide range of population? :/ 😛
        As you told, non-serious attitude or nature of a guy in a relationship actually matters here. But there must be a specific reason for that too you know??
        Anyway, all those “??” are still a “??” in-front of most of us! LOL. Have a great Sunday ahead buddy.
        My heartily friendship day wishes too. ❤ 🙂
        God bless. Cheers.\m/ 🙂

        -Rahul

  8. Hey there! It’s been a while for me as reader, too 😦 But seriously, don’t feel bad about not posting everyday – these sorts of thought provoking posts take time and energy, right? 😉 Solid advice for those experiencing break-up trauma. You are very wise.

    • Gosh! I was actually thinking where did you vanish but after all your posts always break the records and shower the readers with knowledge and wisdom!
      Thank you very much for taking the time out to visit my site and this post did took like solid 3 hours for me to write!! Thank you once again.
      Love,
      -Naima.

  9. I am not in favor of a mother or father choosing a bridegroom or bride for their children. That must be a individual choice. But there is something to be said for cultures that introduce family to family. It seems like families should be more involved in providing places where young people can mix and meet in a safe environment. While we cannot always guarantee that our children will meet a wonderful loving mate, we should do more to give them that opportunity.

    Easier said than done… 😦

    • Well, I do not agree on that too but parents are parents! Making them meet to the one you like solve many mysteries – as they are much more experienced!
      Thank you for your comment in here.
      Love,
      -Naima.

  10. Hello sweet Naima, what an amazing post here! Thank you for sharing your writing skill with us, as well as the thoughtful intro about how busy you are. If I may, I’d like to say that I agree with ‘artzent’ about how long this is and not needing to post for a while, as well as Alarna Rose Gray to not feel bad about time taken between posts. I do know what you mean though and I too had to be away for the past week and couldn’t stop thinking about my beloved readers – like you! But we do pour so much of ourselves into our posts, and breaks are allowed. Thank you for another wise and courageous story, dear one. You are a treasure in our blogging family.
    With love and gratitude, Gina

    • Hey ya dearest! Thank you for dropping by and taking the time to read my posts and comment! Yeah, we all need breaks for the busy schedules.
      Thank YOU once again for the encouragement, my mum was asking about you the other day – I told her you were fine.
      Much love to you,
      -Naima.

  11. I’m back from my holidays and Windy is here to cheer you on! Take all the time you need – I won’t forget you – keep writing, even if it is only little scribbles in your journal, you can bring it all together when you have time.

    You seem to have a very sensible head on your shoulders ((hugs)) 😀

    • Hey love,
      My READER did show you came back – it is always a treat to have posts coming from you and believe me since yesterday ya are posting so much of a good view of houses!! I am in love with all of them! Lol.
      Thank you for always being there to cheer me up – you never fail to bring a smile on my face!
      Well, we all have a sensible head on our shoulders, some use it and majority boast around with it 😉
      Love,
      -Naima.

  12. Atif ⋅

    This is awsome that we call a pain full story touched the hearth. this you call a solution of pain of hearth love this……………
    and love this author 🙂

  13. qiquan

    Keep writing, life will give you a lot of experiences (hmmm…could be a tough one) that every of your word will touch the reader’s heart.

  14. Nifti

    Tons of wisdom here.

  15. Excellent writing sweetie…..i just loved how you wrote it and put it all together. Life is an experience of love, and love an an experience of life….but can also be tragic if not approached with a healthy mentality and a good dose of reality…..I will tell you this, Naima, from my own personal experience, that the best relationships, and ones that stand the test of time, are those that are built on a solid friendship. I always encourage my daughters, to focus on making friends, having honest, meaningful friendships that allow them to be the person they are, but also inspire them to grow into the wonderful people they are molding into. I tell them their lover should be their best friend, and that humor, laughing, honesty, and being oneself are just as important as passion, attraction and the dizzying sensations of love….because those things change along with the person and are fleeting. But true friendship lasts forever. I also encourage them not to seek this thing called true love, but to make sure their own love is true….it will make it much easier to discern the motives of peoples heart, and help pick them back up if their heart is broken, and they will be grounded in the most precious commodity and gift we can possess while on this earth….the gift of loving thyself. To thine own self be true, it is said….and I believe the rest will follow…….so much wonderful wisdom and morsels to glean from here, Naima, and I hope you dont mind me adding some of my own advise from my personal experience to you here…..
    I know you will find someone very special….you are too amazing and full of love not to. And if your heart is ever betrayed, the true betraying came at the other persons expense, for they would surely be missing out, cheating themselves right out of a golden heart and soul full of light and passion such as you are…..
    love you with great big hugs!
    Celeste

    • I am crying while I read this comment and thank GOD for the lovely lady like you who is so kind and gracious to help me out with her personal experiences and lovely advises. My mum keeps on filling the bucket of my heart by pouring in loads of love and her experiences but she is away for a business deal and so I was missing her in the morning when I got out of the bed and here I have a comment from you which made my day and think of how close relations we can built wit people around even with the distance of thousand miles!
      I am thankful to you for sharing your personal experiences and for loving me so much that you shower me with your lovely pleasant advises, I am seriously honored! My mum always say that she is the one who gave birth to me but across the world I will meet many people who will love me like her or even more than her and so I much always cherish their presence and you are few of those to whom the chords of my heart seems to be connected regardless of the distance and all. I am glad to have you in my life, to know such a radiant soul. You are one important person for me to cherish – an inspiration and a mother to my soul.
      Love you loads,
      -Naima.

      • Now you have me teary eyed, little lady! I am so thrilled to hear you have a mom so full of love and wisdom, one who you cherish back and that showers you with all her goodness….always treasure her, sweetie. My mother was taken from me tragically, she was so young, and I still mourn her love and wisdom…..I am 34 years old with kids of my own, but would do anything to be able to rest my head on her shoulder and hear her soothing words when I need it…..so it makes me happy beyond words that you and your mom are so close! 🙂
        I am also very pleased that you listened to my words and took them to heart…indeed they are life changing and have the ability to save you from a very dark place when remembered and utilized. I know because I learned this in the best of ways and the worst of ways.
        And too, you are so sweet to impart to me such appreciation and love through the words of your heart. You truly have made my day brighter and put a skip in my step, which is brilliantly wonderful! So grateful I could help ease your load if just a wee bit, as you are missing your beloved mom….thank you for being the gorgeous person you are, for shining out your light without fear or restraint…..so many blessings you leave in the wake of your footsteps of peace….
        xoxoxoxoxo
        Celeste

      • Oh my goodness! I really love my mum and I think I would give anything to just see her every day screaming to wake me up for school or prepare breakfast for me! She is the first love of my life!! Believe me or not, you are so right when it comes to cherishing mums – we can not cherish them in anyway the way they cherish us neither can we even think of returning the love and care in all the years they have pampered us; mums are just so brilliant! You are young sweetheart and being a mother must be one of the best experiences of life, isn’t it? My mommy is much older than you – she is 41 but got a young heart and soul and that’s why we can mingle so well!
        Anyway, all I can say is moms really are a blessing and I am missing her a lot today when in my home all I see is my DAD!!! I cant hear her quarreling with dad neither is she here to cook us food and I am sure daddy must be missing too as I am certainly not a good cook as compared to my mommy!
        As far as you are concerned, you are one of the very specials for me! I may have never met you personally but your love and care can touch the deepest of the core of my heart with just the couple of words you type, sweetheart!!
        Love you loads,
        -Naima.

  16. Tatsat

    Hey ! I realised that I have tried all the post-breakup remedies 🙂 and they actually helped. I am back to my usual self now, infact better 🙂 Where did you get such detailed ideas from ?? You are just 19 !!!

    • Hahaha 😀
      Firstly, I just turned 18 – am not 19! Secondly, I have neva been in a relationship to the date but somehow I have learnt a lot from my girl friends and that is why I have a firm belief that there is only one guy out for me and that belief makes me stronger in my shoes and my friends give me a perspective about what it really is to be in a relationship and cause I am the only one “NEVER CRYING OVER BOYS” so my advice is valued with a sarcasm that how can i be so sure when I have never tasted these sour grapes! And my reply to all of them is that advice is free, if they wanna use it 110% welcome and if not trash it out, babe! Put worries aside and chill! Lol.
      Thank you for your feedback and reading my old post!!
      -Naima.

      • Tatsat

        Ooops ! 18 right ! Poor memory. Apologies 🙂

        Yeah friends. I guess that is how we learn most of the stuff. And you know what they say about advice- it is something that wise don’t need and fools don’t take 😛

        But that apart, what you wrote is quite alright. I am sure you will add a lot to whatever you write now, but even today, you make a lot of sense 🙂 That is quite an achievement 🙂

        Its a pleasure Naima 🙂 Stay young Stay awake :!

      • Wow! I loved the slogan : “Stay Young, Stay Awake!”
        We all have to keep our eyes open to see the world with more than one angle at a time!!
        Thank you for your wise comment once again 🙂
        -Naima.

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