I’m BACK!

Welcome to England!

Hello Folks! I know time has been a hard core weapon since ever but the past two months have been crucial. For all those who have been following me since long and know me, they were well aware of the fact that I would be moving to England for my undergraduate studies. For all those who have recently started following me and kept me updated with their comments and likes, I can’t be more grateful for all the support and love given to me despite of the fact that I was away. I would put up no dialogues but I really missed being on here terribly; the blogging fraternity is another family to me and not interacting with my family was extremely difficult as I had to pace myself with time and kept on moving no matter what. This is one of the very major lessons I learnt back in England – Time never stops for you and you have to keep moving on with the hands of the clock. At times, we over estimate ourselves by complementing the arms of clock pacing with us but it is always the other way round. It is the humans who put up all the struggle with time. I can’t express how deeply I prayed for the 2 months in England to end so I can see my family again in the Christmas vacations but once the December was up, I was too settled that I didn’t want to go and creep on the torture of seeing my family and leaving them back again after New Year. It doesn’t in any case means I was not excited to see them but 10th January 2013 has been haunting me since I have had the ticket in my hand. Anyway, if I move on with the arms of time then I shouldn’t be complaining about 10th January which awaits 20 days in between but I should be appreciating the fact that I am enjoying the time with my siblings and parents.

I treated myself even before I knew my result back in Leicester! Cheers!

There have been many posts in pending about my life in England, lessons learnt on my way and much blah blah to come so stay tuned. Well, I am laughing! Shucks! This is exactly how we would advertise our product in terms of business studies with much more creativity. I will talk about my subjects later but right now I am excited to announce the score of the end term! 80% which is  terrific(at least for me)! I scored around 76% in midterms and I put all my heart and soul in studying a subject I have never studied before; BUSINESS – surprisingly I scored highest in that subject. English had been a pain in my over all body; not because I don’t like it but writing essays, in-text citations, references and what not literally sucks me. They require bulks of concentration so English becomes the toughest at times even for the nationals who refers to English as their first language. 

There have been many funny and embarrassing moments with me; the very recent one was something like this…

A stranger approaches me while I am waiting on the coach to Birmingham on the coach stand..

Stranger: Heya! You alright?
Me: Absolutely, thank you. (Yet confused why he approached me)
Stranger: Do you have a fag?
Me: Pardon Please.. (Much more confused)
Stranger: Erm.. A fag! Do you have one?
Me: Pardon.. What’s a fag? (Already embarrassed)
Stranger: I mean a cigarette. (A shy smile which indicated he wanted to laugh)
Me: Oh I see, I am sorry. I don’t smoke.|
Stranger: Seems so.. Thank you.

Anyway, he left me almost flushed with embarrassment and I was like “Crappy Crap” mumbling that to myself cause Brits would rather come up with “Bloody Bullshit” – Okay, I am not teaching any swear words over here and I believe that most of my readers are above 18 and if not so a very humble apology! Skip it! Anyway, in these two months, I have known the reason why my accent, pronunciation and so called vocabulary is “AMERICAN” not because of my education in an american school (We were always taught to spell “COLOUR” as “COLOUR” not “COLOR”) but my well pronounced “R’s” the sound of “T” making somewhat a “D” and then my vowels sounding a bit different and of course I wont use British slang or swear words cause I have always been into American Media! I somehow managed to travel to America in my lifetime and this was my first time ever in Britain (what makes me laugh is they call it GB – Great Britain, no offence meant but it is just funny.) They used to laugh on my pronunciation and I used to laugh on theirs and time went by. Like they would pronounce YOU-TUBE in a completely different way than me and this time its the vowel “U” which is contradicting.

On my way to Birmingham Coach Station

Sun rays felt beautiful that day!

I took a coach from Leicester to Birmingham Coach Station and then a coach from Birmingham Coach Station to Birmingham Airport. I was already tired! 3 hours before boarding and then a very good news how my flight has been 2 hour delayed! Waiting for an eternity on the Birmingham Airport which is not really bigger than Birmingham Coach Station but I made it into the plane after those 4 and a half never ending hours. I planned on sleeping and I was happy how 7 to 8 hours of sleep awaited me somehow but the Emirates crew couldn’t see me resting like a poor baby, they woke me up around 4 times just asking me or rather begging (pleading if begging is a harsh word) me to try their award winning dinner meal. I denied thrice faking a smile but fourth time, I was blown up. I asked her to bring it up and she was more than happy that she woke a passenger to try their award winning meal and I told her how about that I have seen the award winning meal and smelt it, if she is feeling any better? She was too embarrassed and I felt guilty for being harsh but it was not at all intentional; the frustration came by itself.

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The most beautiful feeling was watching the sunrise over the horizon – it was a memorable moment for me. I have no idea if I have talked about the sky in England or not but I have observed those beautiful pinkish purplish skies turning slightly into golden orange and then sun settling down to hide itself for nearly 12 hours or more. The stars and sky has practically helped me with my loneliness – I mumbled to them, took long walks wandering off around the city just to get hold of the bunch of those sparkling stars so I can stay there and watch it for an eternity. There was this place, a garage kinda place where there were too many slopes. It was around a 5 minutes walk from where I was living, I enjoyed every bit of going higher and higher on the slope and then observing the skyline of the city – tremendously beautiful. The nature has been fascinating me more than I could have ever thought. It became my partner in those miserable days when I used to smile only looking at the trees with no leaves hoping I would see them dressed up soon enough in the summer next year!

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Nature invaded my soul and I felt better with every passing day. I got hold of this lovely girl, Syrics, a Chinese girl from Shanghai. She was in my class but we started getting along when we got to know we lived in the same building; she lives on the ground floor and I lived on the 5th floor. Eating together, hanging out together, watching horror movies together, shopping together, complaining about the cold weather, girly talks and what not! She was a Chinese, terrible at English but marvelous at gestures – I am just laughing remembering how when we geared our friendship, she used to search words for me to describe me and situations. For instance  if that failed miserably which used to happen at times (usage of sentences; one word has to be used in a specific manner – English is a language with million synonyms to the same word) she used to start gesturing and trying to explain me through actions as if she is dumb and I used to laugh like a creep and she used to chase me screaming “You Are Killed!” We saw the Christmas Lights going up together in the City Center on December 1st and she was so excited. I can’t ever forget the excitement on her face when I handed her Christmas present to her and she was removing the tape cautiously so she didn’t tear it off and I screamed how she should just tear off and then again our never ending laughs. I have always had my girlies being possessive about me and she tops the list! Briefly, I adore and love her incredibly!

Switching back to my flight, there was just an hour’s stay at Dubai International Airport and I was off for another 2 hours to see my family. The sky was clear and occupying the window seat again thrilled me and I was on cloud nine. And finally the magic moment was there; I saw my DAD and I ran off like I haven’t seen him for years and the tears rolled down my cheeks without even any prior notice. This was the very first time when I realized what does it mean by crying in happiness. I was smiling like a jerk and yet the tears welled up! Simply, I missed my family. My mum couldn’t make it to the airport cause it was a working day when I arrived  (December 12th) around noon time and she had to look after my siblings cause schools get off around the same time but when I saw her, I hugged her. I missed her the most – the entire time I missed my mum the most and I think its natural. She says I have grown up but I feel I have grown up within the time span of these two months. I don’t know what’s coming up next in the upcoming 20 days with my family but all I know is 10th January is going to be much more crucial than the rest!

PS–  Will be responding back to all the comments real soon! Apologies for the delay! I can’t thank more for the consistent support! Love you all!

Relationship Trauma!

NOTE: Thank you so much for keeping a track to my site even when I was not posting, the stats are evident. Thank you for the shower of those beautiful mails who wanted to inquire about my NO-POSTING season, your care and love for me moved me to the core and that is how I planned on updating the blog today in spite of the busy schedule – your over-whelming love can break the barriers of the cold working schedule. I am blessed to have a bunch of sincere readers who seek my work and look up to me. Thank you once again for all the mails, they are worth million gems and I will surely be getting back to each one of them. I hope that my readers can compromise on my delayed posting though I will try to post at least once a day and if not possible then at least once in three days. The posting may be affected but I ensure that the reading hours won’t be reduced – all the blogs I follow will be read and fed with likes and comments where necessary. Thank you for the cooperation.

 

It has been three years, two months, twenty-seven days, seven hours, five minutes and thirty-seven seconds (to the date) when I met him for the first time. I was always pretty precise about our timings as it was always a treat to make him feel special with such remarkable moves that helped me look at him gaping with surprise at how perfect I was at times especially when it was concerned with him. I never intended to sound over-efficient or behave over-smartly but my target was to feed him with pleasure and happiness all at once. The stories of his past haunted him every now and then and I believed that it was my responsibility to ensure him that he was cherished and his present was much better than what he had expected of his future in the past. My efforts always wanted to pursue the desires of his heart so that he could feel the warmth and passion of love burning within me for him – his appearance may not be the factor for why was I attracted towards him but certainly his soul was primarily a key reason for my helpless condition. Despite of all my efforts, I believe I lack immensely from time to time. This feeling first bothered me when I realized that his way of expression and the incredible charm was fading – it was not my sight which has to be blamed but he really was changing. I did not have the nerve to ask him if he was not interested in continuing what we had between us – a blend of friendship that was transforming into love on my part and I was unaware of how his heart would respond to my feelings. The change in attitude is always evident and with time I saw his attitude rusting. I feared to let go of him – how would I ever feel if he would someday introduce me to the love of his life unaware of how my heart raced for him incredibly. How could he ever deny that when he called me beautiful, I blushed because there is really something happening deep down within me when he praises me. How could he not know that when we linked arms and walked together at the Christmas party of the school for the first time, I felt like a fairy-tale princess and I wanted to pause the life at that very moment to glance at him for eternity. Was he really unaware of my feelings unless I expressed myself in those three letter essential yet worthless words? How could I ever forget that moment when he said: “Darling, I was waiting for an eternity to hear it. Oh my goodness, I love you so much too”. He embraced me and I felt secured in his arms – first time ever after my daddy was gone and never held on to my finger because of his lousy second wife and her sons that comparatively seemed better to him than me and my mum. I can never compare him to my dad as I never found him a moral person but this guy; he was beyond morality for me.  Unfortunately, we always are immature and perceptive when the mind stops functioning and it is the chords of heart that tunes in to write the lyrics of our love song. He repeatedly betrayed me whenever he said that he loved me and I was such a fool that I actually believed him every time his cold gray eyes deceived me with the floral words he uttered. I have no idea what was my ranking on his list but he was the first one for me and the last one too (This thought was shaken when he left me all on my own at the eleventh hour)

 

Doubtlessly, he treated me exceptionally. He lived in the hostel of the campus as his home was situated in some other city but he would always walk me to my home which was a 15 minutes walk from the school campus. He would often slip his arm around my waist to hold me against him firmly or would hold my hand tracing my fingers gently on our way to home. Everything he did was charismatic or may be I was new to flirting even at the age of 19. We went to the cinema a couple of times together and all he did was look at me; I would punch his well-built chest muscles as I was shy but he used to sit there looking at me the entire time and laugh out loud when I used to sob gently (on an emotional scene) with my tears fluttering on my cheeks and then he would gently press his pinky finger against my cheeks to wipe away the tears. When we used to head out of the cinema, he always babbled about my red rosy cheeks – rosy was the word he used for my cheeks. He knew that if I would laugh or cry I will turn red like a tomato within a second and this was one reason he used to call me “Rose” so that he can tease me with his enthralling smile and lure me with his appealing flirtiest voice. He always encouraged my natural looks – he thought ”NO-MAKEUP”  made me stand above all the girls in our school and he repetitively mentioned how he loved me for my simplicity. His gentle kisses on my forehead when he would cup my face in his hands always enhanced my confidence and strengthened my love for him. The first time he ever kissed me on my lips was stupendous – for a moment I thought life was at a standstill as if I was drawn away from this world to the Heavens and I enjoyed a flight with angels. It was quick but this was the first time I could smell his Tony & Guy gel cream, his strong after shave and the strawberry cologne that enchanted me to remain like this forever. He was a gentleman – I realized it when he plunged his gray eyes into my chocolate brown and uttered the three magical words for the last time. Are you wondering where did he go? I don’t know myself. After our graduation, he ensured me that we would marry and he would do all he can to make me meet his parents. One day after two months he called on my landline – I ripped open my heart and started screaming at him over the receiver. I cursed him for being out of contact, for switching off his cell phone and simultaneously I cursed myself for not taking his home address, if that could have been one way to be in contact through postal cards and letters! After listening to me calmly, he uttered in the cold voice (an anonymous voice I was unaware of), “We can not work out. I think we should part our ways”. The receiver dropped from my hand and I was shaken from head to toe. I didn’t have the strength to uplift myself and I fell onto the ground when my toe hit the corner of the table and my toe-nail was scraped from the corner oozing the red liquid that was none of my concern anymore – my heart was bleeding much more than what drenched the bottom of my trousers and spilled on the floor. I got up and dug myself in bed – not just for one day but for many days that continued for several months but my mum’s patience always fed me with the stamina to bear the hardships coming my way. I tried calling him twice on the same number from where he had called but it was a local phone booth number in Edinburgh. He was sly to never leave a trace of him in my life and vanish like a shooting star.

 

A story like this or multiple stories with various differences are being heard every day by us or one of our colleagues. What do we do after hearing them? Feel pity for them?? The root of the problem in anyway does not focus on the betrayal with girls specifically but it focuses on the “STRATEGY OF A RELATIONSHIP” – there could be a guy in this girl’s place too cursing the turmoil of the past. Previously, I have been going through various blogs where girls and guys write their heart out. They believe that writing can help them with the speedy recovery; well doubtlessly this is a good idea but there are certain remedies that can help heal the open wounds or instead help you be aware of the relationships before hand.

 

There are five BEWARES I will list under their respective headings to counter once you think that the relationship you desire should be serious:

FREEDOM GRANTED:

Once you are committed, the possessiveness should be under control. Let the other person breathe at least. Life and love is not about tying your loved ones instead the more you allow freedom the more trust is promoted within a relationship. Suspicion should be kept aside as this is one tool that should never be used throughout the life time.

 

SOCIAL CIRCLE IS NECESSARY:

There are majority of the love cases where they give up their healthy social life because the charm of each other’s arms is much more thrilling than partying out with friends on a beach party. This idea may not sound lame but once the relationship does not turn out to be long-termed, life is no less than a hell when you do not have friends around to support you. However, friends and a lover should have their respective places and the time should be accordingly divided.

ACADEMICS:

For students and teenagers who willingly involve themselves in love mantras during their studying years is not at all a good idea. There is an age and time period for everything. This love factor encourages you to compromise on the part of your academics which as a result affects your grades; hence even if a relationship is serious in your career years, make sure you have bound circle set around you or a time table to help you plan out everything requiring your immediate attention.

LOVE IS NOT LIFE:

People who can not recover over a relationship or goes in a certain painful trauma are usually the ones who are new to the world of “LOVE”. Either it may be the first time they have been serious regarding a relationship or it must have been their first long-termed relationship. Whatever the reason may be, make sure life and love are two separate key words. Love happens in LIFE. Therefore, life is a primary word and it should be lived and cherished with or without love from a lover. After all, love encounters are a part of the life time but life itself is a one-go blessing!

INVOLVE PARENTS:

Once you think that the relationship is pretty serious, involve your parents. If one side is reluctant to involve parents, make sure you get through the reason and if there is no reason then obviously there is a sour smell of your rotting relationship. Therefore, if both are willing to involve parents, this is a very good sign for a healthy relationship. The meeting of your loved one with your parents would help you take an advice from them who usually are more mature, practical and experienced regarding these matters.

REMEDIES IF YOU HAVE ALREADY BEEN DITCHED

A HEALING PEN:

Write your heart out on a piece of paper and burn the paper right in front of you or shred it into pieces. No need to keep a record of what you write and if you desire to keep a record or maintain a diary, it is ultimately as per on your own wishes. The key point is jotting down the wounds to let them heal. Once your heart is lightened from the burden of sorrow, you are good to go!

HANGING OUT:

After a break up, no one desires to expose themselves to the world of the embarrassment or rather they hate the sunshine as they believe the light of hope in their lives had vanished. In such a condition, compelling one’s self to go out and cherish nature helps in a million ways. Your mind wanders around the circumstances but nature engages your attention quite well. Even if friends are around they can be a pretty good treat too. Therefore, this compelling may sound like forcing one’s self but at the end of the day it helps you to heal fast.

THANKING THE ALMIGHTY:

In such circumstances when we are suffering of sorrow and misery, all we are capable of is cursing God. This lame act consequently reminds me of how we can stop thanking Him for ending the unpleasant trauma at an early stage and after all He is the Creator – He would never take a bad decision for us. The trust and faith in Him always is a positive vibe to continue with life cheerfully.

CRYING DOES HELP:

At times, all we would desire is to cry until our tears are dry. Do as per the desires of your heart. Cry as much as you want. It helps in reducing the burden off your heart. At the end either you would fall asleep or feel better than what you felt before. Crying your heart out is a simple yet a great remedy.

DIVERT YOUR ATTENTION:

Indulge yourself in various activities to pursue your personal interest so you are not left with the long hours thinking about the turmoil of the past. Enroll yourself to learn new interesting things, read books, paint on the canvas, make handicrafts, spend your time walking along the sea shore, doing work out and etc. In short, treat yourself with a tough routine which will help you to forget about the past readily and your attention will be diverted towards various other things of your interest.

YOGA & MEDITATION:

Yoga and mediation is a ready-made remedy. Once you know yoga, you have a good option to recover with the lightening speed and if not then enroll yourself for the yoga classes and the difference can be felt instantaneously. Yoga and meditation helps you to attain peace of mind by soothing your heart pulse and brain nerves. This automatically drives you out of the horrid trauma that is the unpleasant present of the destiny for an amusing life experiences.

LEARN THE LESSON:

Feeling betrayed by a loved one is painful. Feeling that your trust and relationship were not valued by the other person is difficult to bear but learn the lesson on your way. Betrayal teaches you not to idolize the external sources. Learn the lesson of forgiveness.  After all, life is the name of “Moving On”!