Autumn and Spring

She paused. He resumed. She was speechless. He offered explanations. She expected the best. He prepared for the worst. She was ignorant. He reciprocated kindness. She was the aura of Autumn. He believed her to be the glory of Spring. In this delusional world of calamity and hypocrisy, she knew he’d bow down to her altar every single day with faith in his heart, desire in his soul, light in his eyes and a prayer on his lips. She knew him to be an absolute non-believer before he began worshipping her inevitably invincible flaws. While he was merely a sculpture made from clay and sent to Earth, it was her that breathed life into his soulless existence. She was his religion, his temple and the dawn of hope serving as an anchor for his bruised soul drenched in sin and sorrow.

She thought to herself if the Lord would detest her for letting His creation believe in the apparent mightiness of another flawed being. However, her demons roared louder than the voice of her conscience, “Didn’t the Lord Himself proclaim that those who worship others do so albeit in an improper way?”

He had unknowingly found the will of his heart while she had found yet another prey.

The taste of love, I tell you, is lethal.

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Sometimes..

Sometimes silence speaks louder than words,
Sometimes tears stain the stronger than the weak,
Sometimes the stars sparkle brighter than the sun,
Sometimes distance unites than divide,
Sometimes the lies are simpler than the truth,
Sometimes grief is much more contagious than a smile,
Sometimes living in the present is more difficult than planning a tomorrow,
Sometimes survival is much less destructive than surrender,
Sometimes just sometimes,
Love does not cause sorrow,
Hope is not a delight,
Pain is not a curse,
Time is not cruel,
Failure is not trying,
Happiness is not fatal,
Sometimes just sometimes,
One moment can last a forever.

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Note: I am off for a vacation and I am not sure if I will have access to internet but I will try to catch up on your lovely blogs whenever I can. I don’t promise anything but I will try my best to write and share the little moments I enjoyed best during my trip. Love to you all. Until next time, live, love, Inspire & (don’t forget to) smile. Believe in yourself and you can conquer all your fears. Laters. 

Stench of Sorrow

The solitude embraced her,
For the longest time,
She concealed her pain with a plastic smile,
A bottle of wine and sleepless nights,
Holding onto the fragments of false hope,
And the shattering memories came flooding back,
Tearing up her heart all over again,
This night which she thought would last forever,
Surprised her with bright morning light,
Invading her mind and all her weaknesses,
So she could undo the damage that numbed her senses,
The smell of alcohol faded with the tick-tock of the clock,
But would they not be stifled by the fumes of sorrow,
The stinging wounds that could smell bitter,
Than the alcohol on her breath,
She would give them the benefit of the doubt,
And let alcohol fool them all,
For oftentimes her heart could soundlessly shout,
For oftentimes she could motionlessly fall.

One Day..

One day you will feel my pain,
Burning underneath your skin,
One day you will feel my desires,
Aching within the core of your heart,
One day you will feel my energy,
Growing inside you,
One day you will feel my perseverance,
Easing your burdens,
One day you will feel my tears,
Wiping away the oceans of your sorrow,
One day you will feel my angels,
Conquering your demons,
One day you will feel my love,
Silencing your doubts,
One day you will feel what I have felt all along,
But until then, I will hope you know the way back home.

Diary of Nobody -VIII-

‘Let Go’ – I have no idea how many times have I heard these two words since you have left. What astounds me is that you are among those peeps who are babbling about ‘letting-go’ and its apparent advantages. I get all kind of advice about how letting-go is the best thing to do in my situation (Pardon me but when did I tell you about my situation – guilty of gossiping?) or the very cliched motivational clauses like ‘You are a strong girl; you will turn over a new leaf in no time and will do much better’. Oh please, I don’t need to hear all that because I am well aware of the sympathy drill so save your pity for somebody else because I know how strong I am and that is why I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. I apologize if this sounds offensive but people seem to do it a lot for the sake of I-don’t-know-what and I absolutely hate it (the wonderful genuine gems can ignore it).

Letting-Go for me means a delete button and I don’t seem to have one. Oh wait, only machines have the privilege to have that button function for them but I’m a human which means that I will have to live with you in my system for the rest of my life.

Can I completely forget you as if you never existed? No, I can’t (unless I have dementia, amnesia or some other memory-loss issue).

So with no delete button, I am looking forward to a situation something like this: every time I will hear your name, I will wince; every time I will go to places we have been to, I will resist nostalgia; every time I am around something that is related to you or reminds me of you (which is apparently everything), it will be an open invitation to depression. Thus, even after ten years, you will serve me merely with delicious pain-cakes and mouth-watering sorrow-berry muffins.

So what exactly do you want me to let go?

Letting-Go for me means destroying the world I created with lots of love, warmth, affection, memories, sacrifices and just the tinge of the magnificent blend of perfection and comfort in the mere hope of a Forever. This world is my home and you want me to let go of my home. My life revolves around my home but you want me to let go so I can be homeless and lifeless.  You want me to let go of my perfection so that I don’t dare to imagine another again. You want me to let go of the luxury of being myself so I can no longer savor our flawless memories. You want me to let go of my happiness for the sake of a better tomorrow which neither of us has seen. You want me to let go of my love because you are apparently in love with another woman who supposedly can paint you a better world than the one you are a part of at the moment. However, do you ever feel the need to ask yourself if I want it that way too or is it that your selfishness will precede my selflessness yet again?

Feel me but don’t say a word,
Love me but don’t leave my mind blurred,
Between the lines of needs and wants,
Not for a second have my heart not desired you,
Ever since you vowed to me your love.

Them Versus Us

The knots in my stomach,
The lump in my throat,
Their false-promises,
The cruel way they gloat,
So I wonder how can they not feel stress and anxiety?
So I wonder how can they let themselves be another causality of the society?
So I wonder how can they sleep at night knowing that people are dying of starvation?
So I wonder how can they ignore the ongoing conflicts and brutality?

As I pace back and forth,
Searching for an answer,
As I continue to live like this,
The suppression of free speech,
Eating me away like cancer,
So I wonder how can they not want peace in reality?
So I wonder how can they not try to eradicate poverty and inequality?
So I wonder how can they be socially blind?
So I wonder how can they ignore the suffering of mankind?

I follow through the dark,
Searching for the glimpse of light,
The hunger for change,
Holding onto hope,
For the pitch-black night to shine so bright,
We don’t have to listen to their lies anymore,
We have the power to set a vision,
Ultimately leading us to our mission,
So I wonder why do we blame them when we can be stronger on our own?
So I wonder why do we not unite and fight our battles as one?
So I wonder why do we hesitate to take action when we know we should?
So I wonder why do we not rescue humanity by moulding bad into good?

Downfall

You and your lies,
Denial and dejection,
The master of disguise,
Love and affection,
Did you ever realize?
You were my idea of perfection,
Was it much of a surprise?
That you were my life’s direction,
Hope and compromise,
You became an infection,
I was high on you,
You became my reflection,
I inhaled you,
The ecstasy grew,
You were my one last wish,
I begged you from you,
You were my one last prayer,
I pleaded for this to be true,
Love and lust,
I tried it all,
Believe and trust,
The invisible cold wall,
You were a sensation.
One that needed to rust,
A pile of emotions,
Left unconsidered and undiscussed,
You melted like ice,
In the palm of my hands,
You walked away,
With your own plans,
One day, when you’ll have nothing at all,
Remind yourself of our downfall.

31 Day Blog Challenge (Day 1: Introduction And Recent Photograph)

I have been tagged by Nadine to join the ’31 Day Blog Challenge’. I don’t intend on tagging people to join this challenge but anybody who is interested has an open invitation to join it. It’s quite an interesting Challenge as it will encourage me to blog regularly for 31 days (at least). Also, I think it will bring out the creative side of me and provides me with an opportunity to explore myself with the given questions in the Challenge and interact with the audience that ‘actually’ follow my blog and keep up with my posts.

Day 1: Introduction & Recent Photograph

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People know me by the name ‘Naima’ and I am quite happy with this first present my parents gave me around twenty years ago. My family means the world to me. My parents especially my mother has worked really hard for me: for us (our family). I wouldn’t be myself if it wasn’t for her. I am not exactly a social person. Rather, I am the family-oriented kind. My siblings are my friends (the best-ones) and I can’t thank God enough for them. My sister has been quite close to me since I have moved to England. She is eight years younger than me but nobody can tell the age difference instead sometimes people are mistaken for her to be the older one which is quite amazing and a laughing-endlessly-moment for both of us (She’s super-mature and very sensible). My brothers have always been my heart-core buddies. They talk about everything and anything. Sometimes, they seem to forget that I am a sister and not a brother, although I have never felt like a girl growing up with these two boys. I have few other friends as well and they fill up the blank spaces in my life but nothing beats the family for me.

I have fallen down many times and learnt valuable life lessons at a very young age. I am very gullible and trustworthy. Hence, I have to keep a distance from the ‘people’ before they could walk all over me. I am quite stubborn and always follow what I believe is right. I am very much against blindly-following into the steps (traditions and rituals) of the so-called society. I believe that humans are given a brain and the capability to think for a reason: to use these blessings to make a difference (a positive one).

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I am very passionate about writing. It all started when I was 8. My starting point was a poetry: Betrayal. I edited and improved the poem later on and posted it on here. I have also been very keen about my debating skills and have been told that I’d make a great motivational speaker. I think my teachers and mentors stressed on my confidence and rebuttal skills to an extent where I ended up choosing to be a Lawyer — isn’t it funny? Although, I wanted to be a writer. I still want to be one. Reading has been a hobby for as long as I have known myself. Paulo Coelho is my personal favorite but I also enjoy reading Jodi Picoult, Sidney Sheldon and Enid Blyton (all-time-favorite). I also like to go on long walks (all by myself) — more like wandering. It helps me to think clearly and get rid of the excess baggage — in simple words, it’s a stress reliever. Sometimes long-drives serve the same purpose. I am kind of a person who savors freedom and solitude. I cherish the little time I can spare for myself. I am very fond of Nature and the way it greets me day and night with those enchanting sights, I am sure that I can’t have a better company.

I believe that I know myself but what keeps me going is the mystery that every day reveals a new side of the ‘Naima’ I knew a day ago. I am optimistic but sometimes being over-optimistic is as dangerous as being over-confident. I am quite selfless and it usually plays out against me. The super-hero I think I am and the responsibility of saving this world (or my loved-ones in particular) usually lands me in trouble but I don’t seem to back-off so I hope to make a difference one day. That’s all about it for now.

Until tomorrow, Live, Love, Inspire & (don’t forget to) Smile. Believe in yourself and you can conquer all your fears.

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Finally (the Winter Break is Here!!)

I love how magnificently the seven colors manifest themselves in a ‘Rainbow’ as one– can we be as noble as these colors who come together to give this world an utter sight of beauty?

 

So finally – my home is calling me. I am visiting my family after a very long nine months which I thought would never end. Earlier this year, I couldn’t go back in the summer break cause I was busy with an internship. Hence, I was looking forward to the winter break for a long time. However, my family is much more excited than me, my mother is a given but except of her, my sister is going insane with the count down.

I am happy and nervous at the same time. Returning home after so long does bring back all the emotions not just associated with my family but it also stirs the feeling of patriotism and love for my motherland. I am happy (not really excited but delighted) to go back home because I have missed my mother a lot. Also, this is the longest I have stayed away from home to the date. Anyhow, the flip side of the coin is that I am nervous. One thing that I am afraid of is that I am a changed person now. I cherish my personal freedom and value the peace in isolation. Going back home means all the hustle bustle, relatives and family gatherings. I have never been the social type anyway ( I am not shy but reserved – there is a difference!). Hence, now that I have been living on my own for almost three years – going back poses a threat on my personal freedom. I will have to be a part of family now while here in England, I can do whatever I want (as in I can wake, sleep and study whenever I want to; eat whatever I want – I can live like a night owl). At home, I have to go by a certain time table; not as in somebody dictating my life but more like a civilized approach to routine life which I don’t really care about in England. The second issue that concerns me is my temperament. I was never the calm person anyway and have always blamed my gene for this short temperament. However, now I ‘think’ it is worse. Anything can possibly trigger me off and I can lose it ( please don’t advise anger management – pretty please) but I think it’s one of the disadvantage of living on your own. The feeling of being independent and isolation leaves you a little confined and if somebody even tries to hop into your space, then you have ‘Watch Out’ written straight across your forehead. Although, it could be just me but I have heard people ranting about this more than often. So I can only hope that I don’t lose my temper and keep myself under good check and control. After all, it’s a party time for me — finally a break!!

Well, I have my flight in few hours and I hope Emirates is on time which is highly unlikely! Also, I apologize in advance for missing out on all the good stuff I get to read written by all you lovely people. See you guys soon in a different land with different experiences! Happy Holidays!!!!

Live, Love, Inspire & (don’t forget to)Smile. Believe in yourself and you can conquer all your fears.

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Hope is blooming (Get the most out of it!)

I haven’t felt this positive and self-assured in a long while. Though, its considerably chilly in here; weather is as usual crappy (I mean, wet and dry); long hours of university; even longer hours of reading (Law books – beyond boring) but its a perfect morning. A morning where sun may not be shining in the sky yet the hope and the joys this day can bring are endless. The mystery of how I do not know what the next moment holds within the vessel of life-time; happiness or misery – it convinces me to play this life-game in all fair means. Hope you all have a positive and productive day. Do not let “hope” slip away; this is an essential virtue that you will never want to get rid of. Cheers!

Flying in the air for days,
He forgot there existed a land,
Fighting the battles in haze,
He forgot he was a man,
Living everyday like the last one,
Chasing happiness and misery along,
He forgot to remember,
The feel of life, the touch of a mortal,
The grace of love, the passion to give,
The audacity to forgive, the promises to get by,
He forgot to remember,
He was a man, born to die.