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He breathed magic in her soul,
And she was scarred no more,
He was confused and bruised,
She took him by the hand,
And showed him the light,
To bring his lost soul home,
The hardships were woven into their life,
Struggling each day to help each other survive,
But they wouldn’t give up just yet,
Even if they didn’t know what it was all worth,
They’d hold on to the feeling of love,
For nothing could pull them apart,
As they were eternal,
And their love was a short-lived eternity,
She was the very epitome of perfection,
He lived by the golden divine light of her eyes,
And he experienced heaven on Earth,
Whenever she wrapped him in her embrace,
He melted in her arms and blended into her existence,
She was what he called home.

One Day..

One day you will feel my pain,
Burning underneath your skin,
One day you will feel my desires,
Aching within the core of your heart,
One day you will feel my energy,
Growing inside you,
One day you will feel my perseverance,
Easing your burdens,
One day you will feel my tears,
Wiping away the oceans of your sorrow,
One day you will feel my angels,
Conquering your demons,
One day you will feel my love,
Silencing your doubts,
One day you will feel what I have felt all along,
But until then, I will hope you know the way back home.

Diary of Nobody -VIII-

‘Let Go’ – I have no idea how many times have I heard these two words since you have left. What astounds me is that you are among those peeps who are babbling about ‘letting-go’ and its apparent advantages. I get all kind of advice about how letting-go is the best thing to do in my situation (Pardon me but when did I tell you about my situation – guilty of gossiping?) or the very cliched motivational clauses like ‘You are a strong girl; you will turn over a new leaf in no time and will do much better’. Oh please, I don’t need to hear all that because I am well aware of the sympathy drill so save your pity for somebody else because I know how strong I am and that is why I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. I apologize if this sounds offensive but people seem to do it a lot for the sake of I-don’t-know-what and I absolutely hate it (the wonderful genuine gems can ignore it).

Letting-Go for me means a delete button and I don’t seem to have one. Oh wait, only machines have the privilege to have that button function for them but I’m a human which means that I will have to live with you in my system for the rest of my life.

Can I completely forget you as if you never existed? No, I can’t (unless I have dementia, amnesia or some other memory-loss issue).

So with no delete button, I am looking forward to a situation something like this: every time I will hear your name, I will wince; every time I will go to places we have been to, I will resist nostalgia; every time I am around something that is related to you or reminds me of you (which is apparently everything), it will be an open invitation to depression. Thus, even after ten years, you will serve me merely with delicious pain-cakes and mouth-watering sorrow-berry muffins.

So what exactly do you want me to let go?

Letting-Go for me means destroying the world I created with lots of love, warmth, affection, memories, sacrifices and just the tinge of the magnificent blend of perfection and comfort in the mere hope of a Forever. This world is my home and you want me to let go of my home. My life revolves around my home but you want me to let go so I can be homeless and lifeless.  You want me to let go of my perfection so that I don’t dare to imagine another again. You want me to let go of the luxury of being myself so I can no longer savor our flawless memories. You want me to let go of my happiness for the sake of a better tomorrow which neither of us has seen. You want me to let go of my love because you are apparently in love with another woman who supposedly can paint you a better world than the one you are a part of at the moment. However, do you ever feel the need to ask yourself if I want it that way too or is it that your selfishness will precede my selflessness yet again?

Feel me but don’t say a word,
Love me but don’t leave my mind blurred,
Between the lines of needs and wants,
Not for a second have my heart not desired you,
Ever since you vowed to me your love.

The Lost Girl

Please don’t leave,
Don’t leave my glowing world to be in the dark,
Please believe,
Your love has left me a permanent mark,
I have been chasing the rainbows just to see,
If there is a world beyond our interpretation of free,
I have been counting these stars in the night,
Counting the infinity is like blowing out the light,
I don’t want to let you down,
But I have looked everywhere around,
The girl you knew once upon a time,
She is nowhere to be found,
So can you help me find her?
‘Cause she must have lost the track,
She is willing to find her way back,
To your heart which she knows as her home,
Otherwise she might never cease to carelessly roam.

Please forgive me,
My imagination cannot seal the reality,
Please let me in,
For I have been choking my emotions under my skin,
I have been living with the lies just to see,
If there is a world beyond our uncertainties,
I have been falling in the arms of memories,
Dreaming my life with you for all eternity,
I don’t want to let you down,
But I have looked everywhere around,
The girl you knew once upon a time,
She is nowhere to be found,
So can you help me find her?
‘Cause she must have lost the track,
She is willing to find her way back,
To your heart which she knows as her home,
Otherwise she might never cease to carelessly roam.

Finally (the Winter Break is Here!!)

I love how magnificently the seven colors manifest themselves in a ‘Rainbow’ as one– can we be as noble as these colors who come together to give this world an utter sight of beauty?

 

So finally – my home is calling me. I am visiting my family after a very long nine months which I thought would never end. Earlier this year, I couldn’t go back in the summer break cause I was busy with an internship. Hence, I was looking forward to the winter break for a long time. However, my family is much more excited than me, my mother is a given but except of her, my sister is going insane with the count down.

I am happy and nervous at the same time. Returning home after so long does bring back all the emotions not just associated with my family but it also stirs the feeling of patriotism and love for my motherland. I am happy (not really excited but delighted) to go back home because I have missed my mother a lot. Also, this is the longest I have stayed away from home to the date. Anyhow, the flip side of the coin is that I am nervous. One thing that I am afraid of is that I am a changed person now. I cherish my personal freedom and value the peace in isolation. Going back home means all the hustle bustle, relatives and family gatherings. I have never been the social type anyway ( I am not shy but reserved – there is a difference!). Hence, now that I have been living on my own for almost three years – going back poses a threat on my personal freedom. I will have to be a part of family now while here in England, I can do whatever I want (as in I can wake, sleep and study whenever I want to; eat whatever I want – I can live like a night owl). At home, I have to go by a certain time table; not as in somebody dictating my life but more like a civilized approach to routine life which I don’t really care about in England. The second issue that concerns me is my temperament. I was never the calm person anyway and have always blamed my gene for this short temperament. However, now I ‘think’ it is worse. Anything can possibly trigger me off and I can lose it ( please don’t advise anger management – pretty please) but I think it’s one of the disadvantage of living on your own. The feeling of being independent and isolation leaves you a little confined and if somebody even tries to hop into your space, then you have ‘Watch Out’ written straight across your forehead. Although, it could be just me but I have heard people ranting about this more than often. So I can only hope that I don’t lose my temper and keep myself under good check and control. After all, it’s a party time for me — finally a break!!

Well, I have my flight in few hours and I hope Emirates is on time which is highly unlikely! Also, I apologize in advance for missing out on all the good stuff I get to read written by all you lovely people. See you guys soon in a different land with different experiences! Happy Holidays!!!!

Live, Love, Inspire & (don’t forget to)Smile. Believe in yourself and you can conquer all your fears.

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BETRAYAL (Part II)

Seeing is not believing,
Believing is not feeling.

As I heard him declaring his departure

He shot an arrow as miraculously as an archer

Listening to his bizarre words, I was on my knees

Possessed no strength to hear, smell, touch or see

I watched him parting in the dark rainy night

Wishing a final goodbye with a vivid smile radiating light

I strolled home single-handedly weeping and crying

His words stuttered in my mind – my tears complying

My mum awaiting me at the home’s door

Disguising the ache, the veil of bliss that I wore

She asked me where was I?

I sighed and told her a lie

How can I tell her it was a lad?

Who deceived and took everything I had?

My numb body directing my senses to the way to my room

Thoughts ruled my mind and soul – this appalling doom

I cursed myself for being in love as a dope

There was no rainbow after this rain, no bliss and no hope

He left me for the sake he was done

Likewise, he is going to find another one

He is a traitor, a betrayer and a player

Thus ruled my heart for an eternity as a mayor

Depression and distress was now the food to my soul

I salute him for his significant triumph to attain his desired goal

One day when no one was in the house

I clasped a knife due to that louse

To Be Continued…

Betrayal – Part I

Escape (Part I)

Your every embrace;
Chasing the morning’s grace.

“Move FAST!!!” cried Jon with the racing heart and his voice competing the stereo speakers set up in the right corner of the club as soon as he saw Cara’s father investigating the security officers on the porch of the small hut. Cara is dressed in beautiful black strapless attire and dancing with her girl friends on the edge of the dance floor near the DJ setup off the floor. Jon thrashes everybody on his way to reach Cara and drapes her face with a piece of black cloth and rushes her through the crowd to the way to the backyard of the hut. Cara releases her hand from his firm grip to unveil his face and embrace him in her comforting warm arms sobbing quietly. Her tears rolling down her cheeks caresses the earlobe of Jon where a sensation is created – he wraps his arms around her as well and they sway with the wind on the edge of the sea shore while water waves play with their entwined feet.

The full moon shining above in the sky creates a miraculous reflection on the water waves crashing on their feet as they sit close to each other hunched on their knees carving each other’s name on the wet mud off the shore. Jon suddenly realizes that Cara is crying when a teardrop from her eye falls on his hand and he confronts her tugging the strands of her loose hair behind her ear and pulls her closer to wrap her in his arms.

“What’s the matter babe?” whispers Jon.

“Baby, I am scared. I want to convince dad to get us married”, explains Cara.

“Hons, you have crossed 18. You are legally an adult now and I love you”, argues Jon.

Cara bursts into a low-pitched cry and buries her face in the well-built chest of Jon. Jon is a dark guy with deep hazel eyes sparkling like the spaceships on the dark land of Pluto. His crooked nose compliments the pouch of his lips. This 6 feet and 2 inches guy stands like a huge pole where little Cara of 5 feet and 2 inches hides herself in him easily. His well-toned body has been an ever-lasting obsession and temptation for many girls but his heart has only accepted Cara as yet for she is his first girl-friend and doubtlessly the last one as he always reassured himself of his devastation if Cara would ever leave him.

Clutching each other – caressed by the wet mud,
Nothing dares to apart us – defeating the lasting flood.

Cara slept with her head tugged in his lap and he watched the beautiful girl lying before him like a beautiful mermaid sleeping peacefully after an exhausted journey. He combed her hair with his fingers while his other hand gripped her waist to support her in the posture she was sleeping. Suddenly, he felt a sensation down his right thigh urging him to move but he resisted to not disturb Cara’s serene sleep and drew his cell phone out of the right pocket of his denim jeans. He tapped the screen gently to see who it was and expectedly it was his mum inquiring about him. He made his way out of the inbox to check the time and his eyes darted the screen without blinking and it wasn’t later when he realized how it was too late to drop Cara home.

“Cara! Wake up sweetheart”, whispered Jon in her ear for he had no intention to knock down the serenity of seashore to pieces.

Cara moved but within the clutch of his arm as he had held her too firmly to let go.
”Babe! Its midnight, I need to drop you by your place sweetheart”, this time Jon’s voice was much louder than a mere whisper.

Cara opened her eyes squinting to the flashing white light of the pole reflected in Jon’s spectacles. “Baby, what’s the time?” Cara asked innocently.

“Quarter past MIDNIGHT,” The words shot as that of a missile and baffled Cara brushed the dust off her dress, yet wondering at the pace of time.
Jon looked at her patiently with a smile on his lips and within ten minutes they were standing on the porch of Cara’s home wishing each other goodnight. This was not the first time Jon has dropped her home at this hour of the dark starry night. The day they first met (the birthday part of Cara’s best friend); from that day onwards Jon knew the way to her home by heart.

Our first kiss under the sun-lit sky,
The fragrance of love – the naughty sigh.

Jon had turned back to return to the car but a hand grasped his wrist firmly and as he turned around, he saw Cara smiling naughtily yet with innocence.

“Baby, you are forgetting SOMETHING,” Cara encircled her arms around his neck and leaned in. Jon could then smell her strawberry shampoo, the soft scent of her enchanting perfume and within seconds he tasted her lip gloss. The feeling was too intense that he couldn’t make out the flavor of the lip gloss but all he could describe was that he wanted to taste the same lips for life time. Within seconds, Jon was driving to her home drunk in love.

Cara double crossed her fingers and gently inserted the key in the door knob and tried her best to not break the silence of the night. She recited a hymn she had learnt as a child in the church for self protection. As soon as she entered the hallway, the house was immersed in dark and without daring to turn on any light she headed upstairs but suddenly she was caught by the glow of a bright yellow light.

“Dad!” cried Cara trying to explain everything through the utter surprise.

“Yes Madam, what is the excuse for tonight?” the slurring words confirmed Cara that he had been drinking since a while or so.

“Dad, we will talk in the morning. You won’t understand anything right now.” Cara explained without hesitation. Instantaneously she saw her dad dashing to her while she stood firm in her place trying to bury her feet underneath the concrete floor. Her dad grabbed her by hair and banged her head against the wall.

“How dare you call me a drunkard?” he screams on the top of his voice scaring Cara to death. She is shivering from head to toe while her words stuttered and before she was able to utter a single word, she had been pushed by her father on the stair case whereas he left to prepare another drink for the night.

Cara’s father, Mr. Laurengram was a rich French business man who had married a Russian woman (Cara’s mother – Fiona Taylor) who died after delivering her first and last baby on the operation table. He was a caring father but what made him worse at times was his excessive consumption of alcohol and incredible possessiveness for his daughter. Mr. Laurengram never married again for he loved his first wife profoundly.  Apparently he loved Cara also but he had blamed her repeatedly at every stage of her life as he believed that the young girl was the murderer of his beloved wife and even after 19 years, he had not been able to get over the grief of his dead wife and continued accusing Cara for the great loss.

The quiet sobs under drifting breath,
Life is a curse – a wish for death.

Cara laid there on the stair case sobbing and wiping off the flowing tears. She could taste blood in her mouth but it was not a new story for her; she was well-aware of the consequences regarding the drunken man she lived with. She gathered all the energy needed to walk to her bedroom but she failed miserably. She knew that her physical strength might deceive her at times but emotionally she was as tough for a competition.